Somewhere From The North

And in the end....

2010-04-30T07:40:00.002+01:00

Well, if this weekend wasn't big enough, what with it being three days long and everything, we have some exciting news regarding the future of Somewhere From The North. Plus, you know, Bolton visit the Spuds which means I can vent my spleen about the team I love to dislike with a passion so vehement that it had Lucifer turning his head one day and saying "Ehhh...that's a bit harsh"

Well, OK, maybe I don't hate the manager. Honest Harry has always been a throwback to the suede coated managers of yore, wheeling and dealing like a demented Arthur Daley. Can't stand his son though. Can't stand his daughter in law either. Some of their players are OK I suppose, although a few of them appear falling out of nightclubs in London papers a bit too often and of course that gormless buffoon Crouch is batting above his average. And the ground is OK, if a little hard to get home from, unless you like queuing for trains or a six mile hike down the Seven Sisters Road and they have more bars in the away end than any ground I've been to and people who serve you who don't look like they are stopping off on the way to a meeting of the incest society. No, it's the fans. The "we belong to be higher than we are because we are a big club" fans. (Granted they are there this season). The "we should be beating these" fans (Bolton are currently beating Spurs 8-5 in Premier League results since we came back up, with four draws). The second biggest team in North London, the third biggest team in London (comparitive to us in Manchester and look what we have to put up with). In fact, if you look at it in those terms, Bolton are the same size club as Spurs, just surviving with a smaller fan base. And a rubbish chairman. But we all know that Honest Harry will leave them, even Neil Warnock has got more stickability with a club. Then they'll flounder in mid table as per usual and cry a lot. I really, really, seriously, honestly, paradoxically and seismologilicly hope we beat them on Saturday, but as I can't see it happening I'll go for a draw.

As for the team that St Owen will put out, I would expect the same team that tore Portsmouth a new one in the first half last weekend to start the game as they will have something to prove/be sorry for after the second half debacle. It should be impossible for the team to play that badly again. Did I just say that?

To the news, and of course the Gary "Gaz" Cahill transfer saga continues like a chafing sore on the inside leg of a fat man who has just walked ten miles. However a new wrinkle is St Owen saying that he wouldn't stand in his way if a big club (not Spurs) came in for him. This is as expected. Only the big clubs (not Spurs) can afford what we'd be asking. St Owen goes on to mention the chances of Gaz getting to the World Cup. Nice of the manager to try and push the price up but Gaz hasn't been mentioned in any squads since the blood clot and he must have a good seven players ahead of him in the list. Christ, even Sol Campbell's been mentioned. I think we can all safely assume that, unless the plane to South Africa crashes into Table Mountain, Gary isn't going.

And that is it for the news on Bolton and that is it for this blog. From tomorrow I'm the new editor of Vital Bolton so SFTN has to bite the dust. It will be left, swimming in the darkness of the internet and sometime, someday, someone will come across it and think, wow, this Gary Megson sounds like he couldn't manage to pick his nose. And do you know, they may be right.,

Until then, the doors of X Towers are closed.

You want to do what....?

2010-04-29T07:36:00.003+01:00

You know the score, just as your getting settled, thinking that you're going to have to say something else nasty about Burnley and their scabby fans, along pops Jack Wilshere and his fantasy of being Cheryl Cole. Not shagging Cheryl Cole, which, I've heard, is every young mans dream, but being Cheryl Cole. On the Arsenal website, various members of their squad were asked several questions, the kind of which I haven't seen since Keren Woodward told Smash Hits that her favourite pudding was banana and custard in 1985 and I spent many sleeping hours wondering what Keren Woodward would look like in banana and custard.(*) Life was much more innocent back in 1985. Anyway, Jack's answer to the question was I would probably be Cheryl Cole. Just to see what attention she gets and that.
Plenty, I would say, but not from her husband, the quite possibly most stupid man in the world. And what do you mean this is just an excuse to get a picture of Cheryl Cole in?

Of course, this again puts Bolton's website to shame where the same kind of question would be "How do you get to the ground. M61 or A666?"

Somewhat surprisingly, SuperKev has won the BWSA Player of the Year award. I'm not begrudging him the award, far from it, as he remains the most committed player Bolton have got, it's just that that commitment hasn't brought the rewards this year. Chung-Yong and Samantha came second and third. It appears the award took SuperKev by surprise as he told the former BEN. Not as big a surprise as seeing Little Jack walking through Lostock dressed as Cheryl though.

Talking of people doing things you wouldn't expect, Paddy McGuinness will be at Stretford on Saturday to play on the same turf as such legends as Mick Hucknall and the Wigan Rugby League Team in a charity match. Asked if a trip to Gorse Hill is a big day out for a Bolton fan (normal answer being "I came to see the Trafford Park Ecology Park but it was shut so I came here") Bolton's fourth famous fan (after Dave Spikey, Vernon Kay and Nicholas Gleaves) replied "Yes, you have to appreciate the way they play". Never knew he was a cricket fan. Almost immediately ITV recommissioned Take Me Out. That'll teach him.

The former BEN also report that St Owen has distanced himself from the previous reports that he is moving half the first team, and Nicky Hunt, on. This in the same article that suggests that he is looking to bring some World Cup stars in before the World Cup starts, meaning he's got a DeLorean or a Tardis or something and has already seen who will star and also meaning that he is looking to move half of the first team, and Nicky Hunt, on. Some bloke called Messi may be looking for a new club after last night. Maybe not.

An interesting article in the Guardian suggests that next season will not be as easy for us as this season has been. (Sorry, this season has been easy?). It may be a bit early to be looking forward to next season but it is true that Newcastle and West Brom may not be as lightweight as what is leaving us, although the Baggies have never really taken to the Premiership and a season in which Fat Kev has made it into the Championship team of the season should tell you all you need to know about how good that division is. Newcastle are coming back up with pretty much the team that went down so I wouldn't be expecting them to pull up any trees. And unless the porn kings of East London pull out (phnarr phnarr) of West Ham, no team should be going to the wall. However, I dare say that the three relegated teams next season won't be waving bye bye quite so early. Hopefully we'll be returning their wave from somewhere near seventh.........

Finally, I'd like to bid farewell to Richard over at Vital Bolton. I've been reading his thoughts for a couple of years now and, while I may not agree on his view of the Arse and their fans, his considered opinions on the way the club was going has pretty much gone hand in hand with mine. I'd like to wish him good luck with the book or whatever it is that he is leaving to do. There aren't enough BWFC websites as it is without losing an erudite supporter.

And on that downbeat note, I'll bid you farewell for today. Tomorrow will bring a preview of the Spurs game, guaranteed to set my teeth on edge.

Until then, what is your major malfunction Private Pyle?

(*) Keren Woodward was a member of hot girl group Bananarama, not to be confused with Barbapapa, Babar or Bananaman. She is now married to the member of Wham! who is not gay.

A desert...

2010-04-28T11:39:00.002+01:00

Morning all. To say there is nothing to report out there this morning would be like saying that the misfiring Swede is pretty pants at putting the ball in the onion bag. It would be pointless. I bet somewhere, Churchill Kilby is fixing another voodoo doll of St Owen, having stuck enough pins in the last thirty two, but that is so obvious it doesn't even make the press anymore. He has also been on Wikipedia changing the managers entry, the sad little worm. But besides that, the only news coming out today is from the former BEN, which is always a good enough target.

So let's start with this weeks Kelly's One-Eye. First of all, thanks Tony for being the only one who predicted that we would be safe this year. Phewww, it's a relief that you were our Johnny on the spot while all the other papers suggested that we would go down, despite not having been in the bottom three since mid February, and there was that panic amongst the fans who knew that The Sourz and Hull were a lot better than we were. Tony also goes onto say that you have to give credit to Gartslime and Alan Duckworth for bringing him in. Now listen, One-Eye, while they got they're man, I give no credit to men who made us put up with the previous regime for the two years that passed before. As far as I'm concerned, they're still in debit with the way that they gave the former manager more money than Big Sam could dream of, replacing said Big Sam with Little Sam and then compounding that mistake with you know who. This is like when my bank balance goes into the black the day I get paid before all the bills pour out appproximately 5.0 seconds later. They have a long way to go before they get my credit. It is my fervent hope that when the cull of unneccessary players is done, they have thrown Tony Kelly out with them or at least decided to chop his writing hand off.

Elsewhere, Our Yank may make a return for the final two games and there is some banter in the dressing room about who will be top scorer. Would Holden's return be a good thing? Well, yes and no. Yes, because he is coming to the end of his short term contract and the manager will be wanting to look at him before the end and if Little Jack doesn't return next year we need to know if he can play with Samantha. No, because if we are to finish as high up as possible a half fit passenger doesn't fit the bill. Our Yank wants game time before the World Cup, and fair enough, but I envisage him coming off the bench for Little Jack as and when. Whether that will get him to South Africa remains to be seen.

As for the banter in the dressing room, SuperKev, Matty and Gary "Gaz" Cahill are all going for the leading scorer crown. SuperKev tells the former BEN There has been a bit of banter, which is good fun, but it’s all about getting points in our last couple of games and finishing on a high.
Well, while banter is all a bit of fun, let's hope that they realise the seriousness of this situation. Our leading striker is running neck and neck in the scoring stakes with a central defender who nearly died and a midfielder who has been nursing glandular fever for six months (allegedly). This shouldn't be the case. Spread the goals, like the love, by all means, but at the end of the day the leading scorer should be a striker. Which takes us back to Steven Fletcher and Churchill Kilby, and that's where we came in.

There, told you there was cock all, didn't I?

Until tomorrow, it's been a pleasure.

Exodus

2010-04-27T20:39:00.002+01:00

Big love going out to all of you today in Northland as the stinking carcass of The Clarets starts to pollute the air and the vultures of the Premier League start picking off the best bits, if by the best bits you mean the bits that you wouldn't even feed to a Burnley fan if he turned up at your door emaciated from a twelve week trek across the sahara and with about five minutes to live. Because that would be fun.

It should come as a surprise to absolutely no one that Bolton would be linked to any player that is deemed good enough to remain in the Premier League at Tuff Door and Steven Fletcher is the first one to be mentioned because a) he's their best player and b) he's a striker and God knows we need someone, anyone, who can put the ball in the net on a semi regular basis who isn't a central defender. St Owen seemed to know a good player when he saw one and his record this season in a team that has been relegated is as good as anyone we've got and he may get more goals from playing with better players. Whether or not Churchill the Dog lookalike Kilby will even look at a Bolton bid is another thing entirely, and he has already told Burnley's website that St Owen can go and stick his head somewhere smelling of poo as they can afford to keep hold of their players. Message to Mr Kilby. If you haven't yet learnt this season that football doesn't work like that these days you have no business running a football club. In fact, you have no business running a football club. Oh no no no no no.

There are also reports that Bolton are after Joseph Yobo who is surplus to requirements at Everton. This is falling into the trap of the the former regime who thought that buying a job lot of defenders would be the answer to their prayers and we all know how that one turned out. I will now sing this from the highest rooftop. WE HAVE ENOUGH DEFENDERS. WE DO NOT NEED ANYMORE, ESPECIALLY A CROCKED ONE.

The Times reports a tenative enquiry on Jimmy Bullard as the fire sale starts at Hull. Oh, if only this had been three years ago when he was worth something. The only thing that Bullard is noted for now is taking a lot of money from his employers whilst lying on the treatment table. He made thirty nine league appearances for Fulham who probably couldn't believe their luck when Hull came in for him, where he immediately got injured again before managing another fifteen league games for them. That's fifty four league games, for our innumerate friends, in four years. Plus he's thirty one. We already have one worthless thirty one year old midfielder..

And speaking of the Badger, it appears he is joining the list of those out of the door, as long as he doesn't show the manager his stuff on a one month trial. Seeing as how he has hardly shown his stuff since joining, this will be a tall order for our favourite nocturnal chum. Given that St Owen signed Stefan on a full deal before his loan ran out, it brings to mind the old adage, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice take me behind the Lofthouse Lower and shoot me.

The Mirror report that instead of the seven already mentioned, it is now ten players that are for the heave ho come season's end. The misfiring Swede has joined the list, which is no great surprise as I've seen the non darts players on Bullseye get closer to the target than him on occasion. Riga is obviously the ninth, as exclusively revealed here last week. But who is the mystery tenth man? Seeing as we have a penchant for keeping rubbish players, like our current left back, my money's on Al-Habsi who's about as close to a regular place in the team as Nicky Hunt's dad, which is a shame but he must be getting fed up with getting splinters in his backside every weekend while Jussi shows every sign of getting younger. That's Al by the way, not Mr Hunt. And here's the thing, get rid of these ten, be able to afford to keep the golden boy. Simple. Or not.

It is getting closer to the end of the season and our in depth, completely unbiased, look at the season is nearly here. Who performed well, who didn't (one list is longer than the other), who should be kept, who shouldn't (again, one list longer than the other) and the good and bad differences between the managers (you've got the idea by now). I'd like to say there is no swearing but I'm not going to start lying to you now.

Until tomorrow, I'd like some beans.

Cheerio...

2010-04-25T22:07:00.003+01:00

Well, at least we can start with some good news. Burnley, the team with the sourest of sour grapes, are not much longer for the Premier League. A drubbing at home to Liverpool showing that they just weren't good enough and that their manager made the correct decision to leave and become our manager. Good bye, good riddance, don't come back soon. As for my letter for Mr Collymore, it's currently being sent back by the Talk Sport email guard as "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!! Muppet!!!" is considered to be just a touch too nasty for his poor little eyes.

However, on to yesterday's game. The problem seems to be pretty simple, so simple it will only take a few bullet points.

1. This was a team that are obviously already on the beach. To lose a two goal lead to the worst team in the league is nigh on treasonable. To go with the performance last week, there is definitely some work to be done by the manager over the summer, including....

2. The need for a striker who can, well, strike. The stats don't lie. Fourteen shots, ten on target, eight of them direct at David James. The answer to our scoring problem is not to take Kidneys off and put the misfiring Swede on. It's finding someone who can put the ball either side of the keeper.

3. Let's hope that, if and when Bolton tell all his suitors where to go, someone can actually introduce Gary "Gaz" Cahill to Zat Knight. Great apart, abysmal together.

4. While he is pre season training with The Arse, Mr Wenger can advise Little Jack that he isn't that good enough yet to take on a whole team. Yes he set up a goal, yes he was close to setting up another at the end, he just has to know when to hold or give at the right time, to paraphrase New Order. His dallying on the ball led directly to Portsmouth scoring.

The season is in danger of ending with a whimper, not a bang. Spurs next week could turn into one of the worst days of my life, if Mrs X lets me go, and then the Brum game might as well be played on a park. The manager should make it clear to the players that how they perform over the next two games could determine whether they will be at T'Reebok next season. Never mind the list from earlier in the week, at the moment you could probably count on one hand the players that, on yesterday's showing, deserve to be wearing the white next year.

Plus I had a fiver on 2-0, the mugs.

Until tomorrow, does anyone know a Burnley fan who needs directions to Scunthorpe?

Goodbye, Goodbye, Your Leaving Us Goodbye....

2010-04-21T12:39:00.002+01:00

Morning all and another beautiful day rises in the wonderful world of Bolton Wanderers.

You can normally be assured that when it comes to mid week that you can hear the sound of crickets when looking for news on the club but, this being the end of the season, transfer news has started to rear its head as the papers gear themselves up for having nothing to do except report on Shrek's achilles for the next two months.

First in the spotlight is Little Dracula who has decided, it seems, that his future lies beyond the confines of Winter Hill and that he will not be returning up the M61 come next season. This is undboubtedly to do with the fact that we already have a right winger and he is, currently, a lot better than Weiss. However, with the olive branch that St Owen gave to him over the weekend, you can't help thinking that him coming out the day after and saying no thank you resembles the following conversation.

"I love you darling, please accept my heart". "Up yours slag, I'm going to piss in your face"

If I were St Owen I'd stick him on the bench for the next three games, make him warm up for the ten minutes before the end of the game and time it just right that he is about to come on when the final whistle is blown. I dare say that someone will take him on loan next year as the chances of him getting a game for Citeh are about as slim as an an anorexic with a bulimia problem. I just hope that it isn't us, the ungrateful little blood sucker.

Also on the way out, according to the Star are Jlloyd, AOB, The Badger, The Shit, Nicky Hunt and Ou Est? Whilst some have got lost in the bowels of T'Reebok trying to find Nicky Hunt's career, all these names should not really come as a great shock. AOB, The Badger and The Shit were the former two regimes purchases and while AOB played well his age has caught up with him whilst the other two never really struck anyone as football players. Jlloyd must have known his days were numbered when Stefan kept his place despite being, well, Stefan, whilst Ou Est is at the end of a contract that saw him play approximately never. To this list we Mustadda Riga. Geddit?
However, we at T'Towers are concerned with the final name on the list. There is a time that all great servants of clubs have to go, but Ricky Gardner surely has some years left in him yet and even if he doesn't, which we disagree with, a fine servant for twelve years should be treated with at least a testimonial before being put out to pasture, or as it's known in our house, Tranmere. Remember the Campo debacle, and he was only with us for a short time, comparitively. Anyway, the Save Ricky campaign starts here. I'm ordering T-shirts.

Also on the way out, temporarily this time, is Danny Ward who has spent most of the season on loan at Swindon and now may be moving up a division, depending on whether they can stay in the Championship, at Crystal Palace. This may have some truth in it as there would be no reason for a national to make up a story about such a small name. Oh no, hang on, it was in The People. Oh, and in the space of two days, Gary "Gaz" Cahill's price has gone up £3million. It's started to look enticing.

Now, pay attention. As our families have not yet seen the photos, another road trip beckons this weekend, unfortunately not one as glamorous as crossing the USA thinking your James Dean for a day, although Liverpool can look OK in a good light if you squint. So we will return on Sunday, by which time we expect Gaz to be dipped in gold and be worth approximately the national debt of Ecuador. In the meantime, our prediction for Saturday is 3-0 and safety.

Until then, take care of your hub caps.

Rubbish medicine takes six months to diagnose excuse.

2010-04-19T15:17:00.006+01:00

Afternoon all and welcome to this weeks medical update. Yes, the team that brought you Gary "Gaz" Cahill's blood clot have today come out with the news that the reason Matty Taylor has started playing so "well", in relative terms, was that he had been suffering from glandular fever for the past six months which had gone undiagnosed. If this is the case then some people, and not just the person writing this, would maybe have to eat some humble pie, but we're not putting the oven on just yet. We have said that he played well at Chelsea, and we also remarked but yesterday that scoring two goals, whilst welcome, does not a man of the match performance make. Strikers can have a bad game and then score two goals and THAT doesn't make them man of the match, it is about the whole game. The whole team performance was abject in the first half on Saturday and the former BEN, in it's review of the game, marks the introduction of young Dracula as the turning point, his winning of the free kick and his cross for Matty making the real difference, as we said yesterday. We wish Matty well, and hope that now he has been diagnosed he can put in three match winning performances for the rest of the season. Then we will fire up the AGA.

A last word on the game, and Stoke's former Stretford player Daniel Higginbum has complained that the referee was swayed by the Bolton players shouting for the free kick from which Matty scored from. Let me just say this again. The player left his leg there asking to be fallen over. If he didn't want a free kick to be given he shouldn't have done that. Former whinging Stretford players prove you can take the boy out of Old Trafford etc.

In other news, the manager has acknowledged that he wants to keep both Little Jack and Dracula for another season. This is pretty much a no brainer on the part of Jack, who has been impressive enough for a player of his age, but the fear here at the Towers is that Mr Vinegar will have seen the performances he has put in and want to keep him at The Emirates next season, the physicality that he has built up in the past months something that The Arse may be needing next season. Some Arsenal fans are of the opinion that he was what they needed THIS season. When it comes to Dracula it is something else. His performances have been mostly sub par and his dummy spitting last month didn't do him any favours. However, with Lee Chung-Yong looking like he is suffering from burn out and needing a rest, especially as he is playing in the World Cup which means that having had played in the Korean league last year, by the time South Korea depart the tournament he would have played constantly for more than a year, Little Drac may well be given a chance to stake a claim, keep Citeh happy and allow us to further his education next year if he impresses.

Elsewhere, a Spuds fan has been banned for their final home game against us after he shouted abuse at the dad of the year on his sending off on Saturday. Good to see the Spuds taking action over one fan having a go at the dad of the year when really they should be banning the lot of them for their homophobic chants and death threats towards Sol Campbell. God, I hate Spurs. God, I hope we stick one right up them in two weeks. God, I even hope Citeh beat them.

Now, a quick word about this, the new home kit for the 2010-2011 season. The first impression was that it was a vast improvement over both this seasons, the bar code, and the season before, the apron. And there is more to like than just that. After the past few kits, this goes back to simplicity, a bit of blue and red here and there, the crest in the middle. Naturally, the only downside is that crappy big orange blob stuck in the middle, overwhelming the crest and the maker's name, giving it an impression of being too busy, but I'm sure you can buy it without the sponsors name. All in all very nice. Maybe one day we will be able to go back to just a white top? Anyway, after a season of not wanting to wear the club's top, granted partly because of the regime at the beginning of the season, this may well be winging its way to X Towers in the post.

Anyway, a night shift awaits. Marvin, he was a friend of mine.

Comeback. No, please. Come Back!

2010-04-18T19:41:00.002+01:00

The morning after the night before is always a difficult time, but after watching MOTD last night, the spring in my step as I leapt from my bed at 5:30 this morning can only be described as gazelle like. After watching the score automatically update on the BBC website, I had no idea that Bolton's best player would actually turn out to be the woodwork, who managed to turn in a better defensive shift than the rest of the back four. Don't believe me? Any defence that can let that lazy, useless ginga Kitson through for quite possibly the easiest goal of his career needs lining up against a wall. Luckily he reverted to type later in the game by ballooning over the bar whilst virtually standing on the goal line, although why he had been alllowed to be there in the first place is only beaten by nobody noticing that Abdi Faye, all 9' 2" of him, was alone in the box in injury time. It's not like half of them wouldn't recognise him or anything. Luckily, Abdi didn't use his main weapon, his head, and that ball is still coming down.

Somehow, Matt Taylor has been awarded man of the match in most newspapers. Now, I like Football Manager like the next man where scoring two goals in a game puts you on the verge of the national squad, but the fact remains that until his (deflected) first goal he had been as mediocre as everyone else. Like I said on Friday, after his performance at Chelsea he deserved to be in the team but, like Clint said in Unforgiven, deserve's got nothing to do with it. Call me cynical, but an improvement in performance as the season ends, especially after the interest from Birmingham.......well, you be the judge. For me, if anyone was man of the match it was Dracula, "conning" the ref into the free kick (I'm sorry, he left his foot there. That's happened to us this season) and then producing a bit of magic to get the ball across for Matty's second. While this may be too little, too late for Dracula, whose performances have put the DER in underperforming, it did show the talent that most Citeh fans have been talking about. And it's not like I'm condoning cheating, but with the World Cup so near, I'll be expecting Shrek to do that in the last minute of the Final against Germany, if need be.

This is not to say that I am not grateful for the three points. I was thinking a point here and three points against Portsmouth would see us safe and mean we might play with some freedom in the remaining games. I now expect six points and some more freedom when we play the Spuds, which may (Oh God please) scupper their fourth place dreams. Whilst I advocated keeping the same side that played Chelsea, there is a reason why I'm not a football manager, and hindsight is the best job as a football fan, a luxury not available to St Owen et al. Said hindsight tells me that there was some tactical naievety in playing the same side, that he managed to eradicate with the introduction of Kidneys, and it says a lot that the misfiring Swede was kept on the bench with even five minutes to go. Mrs X was asking me last night who I expected to be given the tin tack during the close season and his name kept on rising to the top.

However, when you are out passed by Stoke for 45 mins, and I do not rise to this idea that they are more than the sum of their parts, something is not right. They've only been in the Premiership two seasons and it took us that amount of time to stop contuinually playing the long ball. Whilst I have the utmost respect for what Tony Puss has done there, bar defending Ryan Shawcross, in the words of our friends from N17, these are the teams we should be beating. That we were lucky to win counts for something I suppose, we've had little of that over the past three years, and if the footballing Gods were smiling yesterday they did us all a favour by reversing our luck from Tuesday. And don't think we didn't notice the irony of the dad of the year's handball yesterday, a damn sight less blatant than the one at the Bridge.

Of the game, while rightly praising Dracula and unsurprisingly praising Matty, St Owen also praised the fans who had made the trip and said "You could see what it meant to the players when the celebrated with the fans who, once again, were absolutely magnificent

It has been said before but it is worth repeating that the relationship between the players and fans has been top notch since the turn of the year and, even though some (Wilshere and Weiss) are not exactly Bolton's players, everyone who follows the team away always gives 100% to them and that is something that wasn't necessarily the case beforehand.

In other news, the silly season starts here. The Mirror speculate that Mr Vinegar could be looking to take Fat Kev from the Toon to the Arse. You remember Fat Kev? Used to be on the verge of the England team before he took the Michael Ricketts diet. Now, I understand that he has had a good year by the Tyne but seriously, even we didn't want him back, which was one of the only times that the majority of fans and the former manager agreed.

There is also news, and this could be the beginning of the biggest on going yawn of the summer, that Liverpool are looking at a £15million bid for Gary "Gaz" Cahill, according to The People, and this will happen if the Fat Spanish Waiter gets the go-ahead to spend "BIG MONEY". This will obviously depend on whether said waiter is still plying his trade on the Mersey come the end of June or hasn't hot footed it back to the continent to be replaced by our former manager but one, due to Liverpool's inability to get into the Champions League. The article also suggests that Spurs may renew their interest in him too. Now while Gaz going to either of these two clubs would make me want to drink my own piss, there is an implicit understanding that he will go eventually. Hopefully, once both these clubs fall short of fourth place, none of the big three will come in for him and he will stay for another year before Gallas and Campbell retire and St Owen and Mr Vinegar come to an understanding. Besides the idea of Liverpool spending big this year has to be a joke. Surely Portsmouth have more money?

Now that is a lot of writing and I still haven't got to my thoughts about what has happened while I've been away. Unfortunately that will have to wait for another day as alcohol and a nice roast await.

Until tomorrow, a man's got to know his limitations.

News: Volcano dust not only thing air traffic control has to worry about.

2010-04-16T21:37:00.002+01:00

It's Stoke v Bolton tomorrow and, if people are to believed, the ball will spend more time in the air than Corey Haim when he was taking it easy. Somehow we have managed to score more goals from throw ins than Stoke this year, but that is more to do with Stoke using Rory Delap sparingly and the former manager's tactics than anything else. (Speaking, quickly, of the nameless one, I noticed that Sky gave him some publicity oxygen on Wednesday, but luckily jet lag kicked in just after I heard him speak, which, unfortunately, guaranteed a couple of nightmares in my twelve hour kip).

Of course, we have a new manager now and after another tough set of fixtures, which I have managed to mostly avoid due to being on Planes, Trains and an Automobile, we enter a set of fixtures that are winnable (barring the Spuds). There is a possibility that 32 points will be enough. It is hard to see where the teams below us are going to pick up points except when they play each other and Portsmouth will be resting players before the cup final, giving us a chance to pick up the three points which will be enough.

As for the Stoke game, it is possible to see a point coming. The players will still be on a high from Tuesday and will certainly still be smarting from the two penalty decisions. Stoke are known for playing a one dimensional way, pretty much the way that we have played in parts of the season, and it may be possible to play football around them. It would be interesting to see if St Owen keeps the same team, and they would certainly deserve it. Even Matty Taylor, who the manager singled out for praise after his performance. I saw thirty minutes of the Tuesday game, eschewing the shower in the hotel at Heathrow, and his pearler of a cross would have resulted in a goal if it hadn't landed on the 50p head of the misfiring Swede.

Of the Stoke game, St Owen says

we know that it will be a tough contest and we have to be ready for it. But we have to play our own game and look to show our qualities.

That nice mummy's boy Ryan Shawcross is out injured, which should spare a couple of broken ankles, and the good news is that Stoke are one of those teams that, man for man, we are better than, Abdi Faye notwithstanding. However, in the slow limp to the line we at The Towers will go for a 1-1 draw. That would assume we score of course.

There is more to be said, of course, and a lot has happened over the past four weeks, including the unveil of ANOTHER new kit. But some of us have to work the weekend, so that will be it for today. The end of the season is just around the bend, my huckleberry friend.

A Quiet Return....

2010-04-15T21:44:00.003+01:00

A full return tomorrow. However, just a couple of things noticed whilst being in the States.

1. The NCAA Final was a damn sight more exciting than a basketball game should ever be and I say this as someone who had reached saturation point on it.

2. Tommy Smyth is a tit. (Not Tommy Smith the ex Liverpool player who would shit me for breakfast).

3. The Mad Dog in the Fog in San Francisco is a great place to watch the game at 7am. See if Mad Jack from Clapham is in. Tell him I said hi and I will return his matches when I next see him.

So now I'm back, can we start picking up some points please?

Until tomorrow, JUSTICE FOR THE 96.

Somewhere From The North Will Return on April 14

2010-03-23T17:33:00.002Z

Sorry, having too much fun getting spliced and shit....

A Bridge Too Far..

2010-03-17T16:46:00.003Z

Greetings from San Francisco. If I had hair, I'd have flowers in it, but I haven't, so it's a moot point. I'm not really sure how this is going to work over the next four weeks but I'm thinking that if I see something that has the ability to make me smile if I take the piss out of it, then that is what's going to happen, and let's face it, in the wacky world of BWFC, it's not going to be hard. Oh, and we beat the woolybacks on Saturday. But you knew that already, didn't you?

And it begins. The club has announced that they, the club, are allowing us, the fans, to vote on who should be presented with the newcomer of the year award at the end of the season. Now, in true Oscar's fashion, you would think that they would whittle it down to five for our delectation. But no, they've included everyone that has appeared in a match squad, even if it was the League Cup and they had no chance of getting on.

So your runners and riders are:

Stefan Dennis. I don't think I need to say anything about this, do I?
Sir Knight of Villashire. A genuine contender. If you disregard the first half of the season.
Not Mike. Ditto.
Sean Davis. What? He played three games and got sent off in one of them before undergoing surgery that ruled him out for the rest of the season? I'd expect him to be in the same category next year.
Chung-yong Lee: THE genuine contender
Kidneys: Yes he has scored goals and yes he has been mostly excellent, and he has new kidneys in case you had forgotten. But, err, isn't he on loan? Shouldn't this preclude him as the is a poss/probability he won't be around next year.
Our Yank: Maybe, if you suddenly get amnesia and forget he has missed twice as many games as he has started due to being more crocked than Ryan Giggs during international friendly time.
Jack Wilshere: A talent but see Kidneys.
Dracula: Doesn't even seem to be a favourite of the man who brought him in, plus see the dummy spitting incident, plus see Kidneys.
Mark Connolly: Oh spare me. Has has he played? At all. And I mean for St Johnstone as well, where he has spent half the season. No? Then WTF?

This has a whiff of "they're all winners in our eyes", which is basically crap as Stefan is on the list. There should have been a shortlist of Zat,Sam,Lee,Stuart and (oh go on then as it's too short a list) Stefan.

We have a good manager. Maybe he can take a shot at pruning the idiots who bring this sort of list to the public notice.

Until next time, d'ya feel lucky? Well, d'ya?

Somewhere From The North: An Announcement

2010-03-12T17:11:00.003Z

As our regular readers will be aware, Mr and Mrs X are soon to make the Mr and Mrs part legal, or as legal as you can get in the great state of Nevada. This will mean that postings will get a bit sporadic over the next month or so as we travel west to east across the great plains, into Dark Territory and onwards to Newark. Mrs X has already advised me that the wedding will now be taking precedence over any interneting so don't be too surprised if the next posting comes from a Starbucks in San Francisco. (A wedding list is available at John Lewis. Just ask for X)

But before then, the woolybacks come to T'Reebok on Saturday and another must win game comes along since the last must win game, in which, you will recall, I suffered some sort of nightmare while falling asleep watching. This is the last game of the six which were pinpointed as games that T'Wanderers had to get some points out of and as that points total currently stands at seven from a possible fifteen, sticking it to Wigan and making it ten from eighteen, which will get most of the dogging naysayers looking over their shoulder, is a must.

After the debacle on Tuesday, it would take a fool to second guess the manager as to the team selection, barring Jussi, Gretar, Knight Zat of Villashire and Super Kev. All the rest must be fretting as to who will play. We have continually said that Stefan Dennis is an accident that has already happened and Jlloyd must have tried it on with St Owens gran for him not to have had a look in. Or, and here's an original thought, wasn't Ricky Gardner a left back for about five years before Jlloyd came in? The other centre seems to be between AOB and The Shitt, an unedifying choice, I'm sure you'll agree.

As for the midfield, the ones who just watched Sunderland walk through them on Tuesday, we would expect Lee to stay and Little Jack to keep his place if he gets over his knock and then it's perm two from Ricky, Dracula, Samantha, Matty, Tamir or even Super Kev coming back. Personally I'd like to see the Misfiring Swede placed on the wing. All we ever hear is that he works his socks off and surely he would be able to do that on the right. That would leave plenty of scope for SuperKev and Kidneys up front. As for the bench, I hear their trying to draft in some of the ladies team, such is the paucity of back up.

About the game, St Owen says We recognise that we are playing a very good side in Wigan who had a tremendous boost the other night with their victory over Liverpool
but he has ultimately failed to mention that Liverpool failed to roll over Lille last night, which shows he far Fat Rafa and his not so merry men have fallen this season. I mean, Wigan then Lille eh? Phumph. When it comes to Wigan this season, if they hadn't played one less game than us, they would have an almost identical record and they have been as atrocious away from home as we have and as good at home which is probably something to do with their turnip of a pitch as, bar Rodellega, Kirkland and Bramble, I'm having difficulty from naming their players. For this we are going for a 2-0, as that bitch is going to come round eventually and I'm going to be quids in, which will pay for a few games at the MGM Grand.

Our usual two experts, Lawro goes for a Bolton win, for once, while Hansen goes for a draw.

Speaking of pundits who regularly speak out of their anus, I heard an interesting podcast this week when a journalist from France Football stated how exasperated he was that the only TV pundits that there are in the English game are ex footballers. Whilst there are ex football playing pundits in France, he said, they are complimented by experienced journalists who can give an opposing view to their slightly one sided viewpoint. And as for co-commentators, whenever the opportunity arises, Mr Whinger crosses the channel and gives some erudite comments. Can you imagine Fergie doing that. And can you imagine a Soccer Saturday with Merson, Thompson and the blokes from the Tory and the Indy? And that is our thought for the day, and possibly our last thought in England for five weeks. On football that is. My last thought in England will probably be that something this large isn't supposed to fly.

Until then, ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I have the only gun on board. Welcome to Con Air.

Count Them.

2010-03-10T20:28:00.003Z

You've got to admire Bolton. Sticking it to a team with an impressive home record one day, losing to a team with a worse record than Chester City the next. And what a loss. It's like the Edinburgh Comedy Festival upped sticks, moved a hundred miles south and decided to open five months early.

Some fool mentioned yesterday that the way Zat Knight was playing at the moment there would be only one outcome when it came to him coming up against Darren Bent. And it's good to see that we were proved right. And it's not like he had to try for two of them, Not Mike deciding that one yellow card wasn't enough and then Fred Karno came to town for the fourth. Add to that Frazier Campbell scoring his first for Sunderland and you pretty much sum up an abysmal night all round. Having missed the first half hour due to Mrs X deciding that our alcohol intake was down and it needed stocking up before we leave the country on Tuesday, the only time that I made any kind of noise was half way through the second half when either Bolton had a half chance (spurned) or a naked Ashley Cole rose out of a manhole on the Mile End Road and told me that he wanted to make me his bitch. Either way, I think I dreamed both. It seemed for most of the game that the Bolton players were under the impression that if they ran the ball into the Sunderland area there would be a sudden outbreak of Ganges fever such was the lack of imagination. And if you are going to throw the ball into the area, don't let it fall on the head of a 6'4" Albanian.

From somewhere, St Owen saw the following:Some things went against us throughout the course of the game and while certainly not begrudging Sunderland the win, the scoreline flattered them tonight
Well, being picked off at random by a group of players whose confidence is at a low ebb and who couldn't pick up a point if they were in a point store that had just had an influx of a new line of points will do that. St Owen does have a nice line in self delusion, but sometimes he just has to shut up and say we were crap.

Anyway, as Mrs X just said, we only have to beat Wigan on Saturday. Should be a breeze.And she should know, being a Liverpool fan.

Until tomorrow, whoever wins, we lose.

I Hate Buses.....

2010-03-09T16:10:00.003Z

...obviously because you wait ages for one etc. etc.

Who would have thought that getting any kind of broadband in a Sheffield hotel would be so hard? Anyway, back in the south, we have broadband coming out of our ears. Three years after I left South Yorkshire, some things haven't changed. (The picture in this article is of an actual bus in Sheffield, of which they have a lot). South Yorkshire is going on my list. All of it.

A win is a win and this was done with the kind of style that makes journos say things that really gets on Wanderers fans nerves like "Wow, Bolton play football" or "Bolton don't always play it in the air" or "I get paid a lot of money to write this guff and for once I had to go and see a Bolton game, but it was OK as it was in the south. Hang on, maybe I was wrong about Bolton". As The Observer said on Sunday "Purists may still mutter about their style of play, but Bolton could hardly be accused of a lack of quality", followed on Monday by it's sister paper quoting Kieron Dyer "We expected them to sit off and let us have possession of the ball and hit us on the break but they came straight for us" Now, I'm not one to say that Kieron Dyer has had a lot of time on his hands, although apparently he has so far cost West Ham something like £1million per game, but surely he has had enough time to see us tear into Arsenal twice, Citeh once or Spurs once (let's forget the second game), all these on TV. In fact, I know times are hard in Newham, what with having to sell to a porn merchant as well as seeing a great White Elephant rise in the west of the borough, but I'm sure the players can afford their TV licence.

But in football, we move on, and so tonight we go to Wearside. Sunderland's local paper, The Echo, goes for a home win but gives no reason as to why. Apparently it's got something to do with Wigan beating Liverpool last night and at the same time last year Wigan beating Sunderland when Steve Bruce was in charge. This, you would expect, is why the national daily's aren't beating a path to the writers door. And I thought the former BEN was bad (although Kelly's One Eye this week lazily talks about what people have been talking about for months, namely "Should Kevin Davies go to the World Cup?")

Sunderland shouldn't be in this position although half the teams that are down there shouldn't, and I include ourselves in that. They have a good strike force, probably better than ours, a solid midfield, about as good as ours, and a cracking goalkeeper, although worse than ours. The Sunderland malaise can be put down to one thing, the thing that has affected our misfiring Swede all season. The price they cost. A lot of money went into Sunderland during both Keane and Bruce's time, to little or no effect, and a lot of players rest on their laurels when they have been bought by a big(ish) club, which Sunderland are, and by the time they realise they are in danger, it is too late. (See what happened to West Ham not long ago).

There is also the possibility that they think Bolton are going to be easy, although this will have dissipated after the last two results. We at the Towers will be going for an away win.

Speaking about the game and comparing it to Saturday, St Owen says Hopefully the lads have taken a lot of confidence from Saturday and they have to go out and replicate that performance again. If they do, we will have a real chance of earning points from the match
And quite right to. There is no point in getting what were a fantastic three points in London and then finding ourselves receiving the similar from Sunderland. Bolton are the team in form and suddenly we have our shooting boots on again (except for the misfiring Swede, natch). Sunderland only seem to be able to get a shot on target if it falls to Darren Bent. Nullify him and that should be enough and they way Knight Zat of Villashire is playing at the moment there can be only one outcome. There appears to be an impression that Bolton are a one player team, namely the captain, but since the turn of the year it has been proved that we are more than that. Win tonight and against the Woolybacks on Saturday and that, it must be said, is virtually job done.

As for the team, with Cohen suspended, we expect Matty to return. Dracula has been silent since his dummy spitting but one more game sitting it out should make him realise that players don't pick the team, which will stand him in good stead when he goes back to the council house.

Until tomorrow my friends, you can take that to the bank.

Back to where it all started to go wrong.

2010-03-05T19:15:00.001Z

To the Boleyn Ground tomorrow (don’t whatever you do call it Upton Park for reasons to be explained) for the next in our round of six pointers against T’Hammers. After the victory last weekend against Wolves you can pretty much expect the same team, except with Matty or Dracula coming in for our crocked Yank. After his goal against Wales on Wednesday we feel that the misfiring Swede will keep his place but if we go goalless again there will be a clamour for a change in forward line. As for what kind of change, we will keep our powder dry until it it necessary. Like Sunday.

Anyway, as internet connection is sparse in Yorkshire, instead of being able to get you some news I would like to give to you a couple of stories about some recent trips to West Ham. The first is entitled as above.

So it’s April 2007 and Little Sam has just taken over from Big Sam. We are safe in fifth, looking good for a UEFA Cup place. Hindsight has yet to kick in. A good assistant taking over from a good manager who has just been given the great big “More money? Fuck You” from the board. West Ham, a team in the mire, destined to relegation. Surely an away certainty.
The first thing you note is that the tracksuit is gone, replaced by one you can pick up from the Ken and Barbie range at Toys ‘R’ Us. It seems a little, well, ill fitting. Not on the man himself, but it just looks wrong. Secondly there is the continual standing on the sidelines, waving his arms around at no one in particular, a foreshadowing of even unhappier days. And thirdly there is the earpiece, making him look like a 21st century Action Man with eagle eyes. And a scouse accent. Along comes Carlos Tevez, bang, bang, 3-1. Lots of positives. Of course, we all know where that went.

About a year later and I’m sat amongst about 5,000 less Bolton fans but sat next to the kind of Bolton teenagers that make you want to slap them. Know it all, seen it all, will smack all. These kids have none of this. Straight from the kick off they are winding up a West Ham fan who isn’t sat near the away fans to find out their opinion of Moliere. I think the tattoo that says “I love mum” around his neck gives this away. “Have it” they are saying. “You’re dead” he is intimating, with the sort of action across his neck that would suggest Dodge and getting out of it is high on the cards. As half time approaches, a kindly steward taps me on the shoulder and says it might be better if I moved seats. Five minutes into the second half he asks the four kids to leave. The West Ham fan and six of his cohorts leave their seats at the same time and never come back. Forty minutes later as I leave the ground I see four Bolton fans lying on the ground, being attended to by paramedics. The West Ham fan is crying into the arms of his mother who then drives him off. But it’s Ok, he didn’t mean it.

Oh and Upton Park, it’s the name of the tube station. Call it that in Newham, expect a stabbing.

Until Sunday, yippe kay ey.

Cruel Irony, How You Mock Me.

2010-03-04T14:20:00.000Z

Afternoon all, and after yesterday's little rant, a return to normality.

Well, I say normality, but if you are a Bolton fan it will not have escaped your attention that our misfiring Swede became slightly less than misfiring when playing for his national side last night. One minute before half time, corner comes across, he takes his time to exquisitely control it before firing a lovely half volley over everyone and into the net. Did you wince? Did you throw your hands up in the air like I did at work last night, in such a scene of non plusment, that someone asked me if I was supporting Wales? Did you put your head in your hands and cry "why,why,why" so plaintively that you got sent home early? No? Just me then.

Maybe, and we are saying this with a great large pinch of salt, this could be the goal that gets him going. Ok, it was only Wales, a country so much of whipping boys they get hired out down in Soho of a Saturday night, but if he can take this into the game at the weekend then who knows. Interesting times ahead.

However, as the lord giveth so doth he taketh and The Yank (a nickname I'm sticking with thank you very much) has been ruled out after "Dirty" Nigel De Jong decided to see what would happen if he proved my theory from yesterday correct and fractured his shin during the Holland-USA game. The prognosis is that he will be out for up to six weeks, which is a blow and will mean that the dummy spitting Dracula might get his wish for more playing time. Whilst there must be some sympathy for Weiss, who Citeh fans believe is a major talent, in his showings for Bolton he has done little to prove this. OK, limited game time may make your head do down, but not to the extent that you don't bring it back up and look for teammates when you actually get on. But one man's misfortune etc. and now that he may get his chance he better take it. The last time someone spat their dummy or anything else at Bolton it was Dioufy, and we don't want to go over that ground again.

Moving on briefly to today's papers and it is good to see that the disease of speaking the bleeding obvious has spread to our Croatian international who has told the former BEN today

We must realise that we need to put the ball in the net

Thanks. We knew there was something missing put putting our collective finger on it was just beating us. Now we know what it is, I expect a push for Europe.

But wait, I hear you cry, surely we can't have gone a couple of days without a Gary "Gaz" Cahill injury update. Fear not, as the current messiah tells thecrapwebsite.co.uk

I would expect that a week on Monday he will be able to join in with the rest of the group and then we will look to build up his fitness and sharpness from there

So not long to go until the second (third?) coming.

Tomorrow, our thoughts on the West Ham game which I will not be attending due to travelling north as T'Trotters travel south. Oh Cruel Irony etc. etc.

SFW If They Don't Like It Up 'Em?

2010-03-03T17:14:00.000Z

Afternoon all. Not much in the wonderful world of T'Wanderers today as most of the players, barring our English contingent natch, are away on international duty. However, to spare us writing long, dull, interminable passages about swallows and amazons, along comes the manager to stick it to The Arse. Unforunately, he has stuck it to them wrong. Very, very wrong.

If they say that it only takes a second to score a goal, then Bolton had the Indian sign over Arsenal for a very, very long time. Although those days have passed, and we miss them dearly, the artisans of Highbury were beaten using a mix of some skill (players like Okocha, Diouf, Youri and Anelka do not come at you with a big stick) and tactics straight out of the Big Sam playbook; hit it long, play it close, don't give them time to settle and, most importantly, they don't like it up 'em. Be a little bit forceful, give them a little kick (copyright Fat Kev), don't be afraid to get stuck in. It will help even more if they have a pantomime villain, let's make it their German keeper so the fans have someone to rile.

For four or five years, this worked. Arsenal, for the most part, just could not buy a win and Bolton, playing within the rules, riled Arsenal so much that they, on occassions, tried to play the same tactic, culminating with Big Sam's last game at Highbury when Flamini tried to take Ricky Gardner off at the knee. All things shall pass.

However, other teams saw this as a way to play Arsenal and so, as Bolton bought players who couldn't tackle, other teams took the mantle up and started to become overly physical when Arsenal came to town. Press them hard, give them a little kick, do a bit of blood and thunder. I am not saying that players go onto the pitch and say that "today is the day I get me some Arsenal pussy", but being overly physical at home has been proved to be the way to get a result against Arsenal and the injuries to Diaby, Eduardo and now Ramsey are simply a by product of that. So when St Owen comes out and says that there

"is no way in the world that anyone would go out to intentionally hurt or maim any player"

he is dead right, as we have left the days of Chopper and Bite Yer Legs long behind. But he has missed the point of what Mr Whinger is actually saying.

Remember a few weeks ago when I said that there had been an assassination attempt on Mark Davies by William Gallas? This was a badly timed challenge that should have been a sending off and Mark Davies was lucky to escape serious injury. No one had sympathy for Gallas, badly timed challenge or not. It is now OK to say in hindsight that Gallas didn't mean it as Mark was up and about two weeks later and back on the pitch. Would it have been the same if one of our better talents had been put out until Christmas? Somehow, I think not. This is exactly what has happened to Ramsey. So whether Gallas meant it or Shawcross meant it is a moot point. The fact is it happened and the injured party has to deal with the consequences. So please, spare me the 'he didn't mean it' speech. Those players meant to tackle hard, they knew what they were doing, it's just that one got away with it and one didn't. And our manager, for once, has spoken out of his arse.

For once.

Until tomorrow, chew on that asshole.

LANDMARK!!!!

2010-03-02T12:12:00.000Z

100 posts yesterday. Granted it was a photo of some bloke, not me, sleeping at his laptop with little wordage but it was cause for Mrs X to bring out that special bottle she has been saving for a special occassion, which she then had to drink most of due to my dicky tummy.

Anyway, as I've been out of the loop, indeed out of most things, for the past few days, I shall pass on passing comment on the Wolves game, except to say that a win is a win, and probably just about deserved from what I have been reading. Unfortunately the only information I was getting at the time was Merson's stupid face appearing every so often on the screen in the bar in Covent Garden we were in, so I knew something was going on, if not what. It was good to see Zat get a goal, his performances since the new year have deserved it, and with another clean sheet, it is another smack in the face for those under the impression that Bolton are "leaking goals". And a big middle finger to Stanley.

Of the other news that has been missed admist the fog, the major information is, of course, the fact that Gary "Gaz" Cahill could be back a lot sooner than expected. It does seem strange, lauding the defence for their clean sheets whilst Cahill has been out, but wanting him back, but we have said before that one of the main reasons we are losing goals when we do is due to a Stefan Dennis shaped hole down the left hand side which could be more than filled by Gretar or Not Mike, or even some bloke called Jlloyd Samuel (or Gardner?). This is also excellent news for "Gaz", as a return by the end of March or early April could push him toward the England side, especially as the Dad of the Year's head appears to be in bits, They Call Him Rio having his back literally in bits and Upson about to go down with T'Hammers.

News also comes that Bolton are the fifth biggest money making football club in the north-west, but when you are above the likes of the Dingles, the other Dingles and the Woolybacks, this is not so much a good thing as the best of a bad bunch. And if we have so much money, why is the crapwebsite.co.uk still crap.com?

Hopefully there will be more to say tomorrow, but before you go I suggest you pass yourself over to Arseblog. The man has strange ideas about Bolton and our fans but what he says about the Shawcross tackle on Aaron Ramsey is the truest bit of writing I have read about it. Arsenal are no angels, just like us, which he admits, but his thoughts on the defence of Shawcross should be shoved back down the throats of all those who defended him over the weekend. Plus, he hates Stan Collymore.

Until tomorrow, that's not a knife.

Stag Do. Approached With Caution.

2010-03-01T20:59:00.000Z

Nearly there everybody. Nearly there.

2010-02-26T10:52:00.000Z

The Tale of The Strange Licensing Laws of Haringey Council

2010-02-25T16:17:00.000Z

Well, that was about as much fun as having the dog put down. In fact, it was probably how an animal feels at that time, strangely calm all of a sudden, without knowing that the end is nigh. There was something about last night's game, a strange acceptance by those that were there that this is where the FA Cup road ended, and with all the subtleness of a two stone lump hammer smacking you on the head. This apathy had obviously started on the team coach some twenty four hours earlier, when Matt Taylor was heard to say "FA Cup? Fuck it". No doubt.

So you can imagine my surprise when I returned home surprisingly early last night, having been made aware of the fourth goal by the large cheers reaching White Hart Lane train station, where I was boarding the last train before the crush started, to read that St Owen had said this

We are disappointed to lose any game, but I felt that the scoreline flattered Spurs.

We take it that he actually meant flummoxed by the score because from where I was sitting, high in the stand, underneath the police look out point, from where you can see movement a lot better than the sidelines, they must be wondering how the only got four and how Bolton were lucky to get nil. Apparently the players fought for the right to wear the Wanderers jersey, and in this we can only presume that he meant fought to wear a jersey in the reserves, as that is where those non regulars who started, or who came on, will be heading back to.

Elsewhere on the crapwebsite.co.uk, Riga is under the impression that he deserves a place in the team. Declining to mention why he actually did not score, i.e tame shots, bad placement, easy height for a limited goalkeeper etc., he says

I was pleased with my personal performance because I was getting into the right positions to create and score goals, and I felt I deserved at least one.

The fact that I have a myopic, albeit dead, grandmother who could have got one of those and that he was running at a Spurs defence who were probably still laughing at the "after you, no after you" substitution of Matty (or was it Ricky), and being three goals up thought that they would give Gomes something to do, as he was getting rained on for the whole game with nothing to do but catch pneumonia (or punch it, one or the other) appears to escape him.

The only, and this is clutching at straws now, bright spot, was the set piece taking of our Yank, who created the chance that Mustaphafivegoes spurned. And that is all.

The Times mentions that only 250 Bolton fans were there, and they were, but again managed to outsing a team from North London. "We've Only Come To See London" and "We're Shit And We Know We Are" ringing out, while all The Spuds could come up with was some people banging on the stand and singing "Yids" every five minutes or so. Classy. Oh, and "You're Not Singing Anymore". Once. And all this after arriving at the ground to be told that beer would not be served after fifteen minutes before kick off. Obviously, due to National Express rules meaning a train cannot leave Liverpool St. until you are all in like cattle, the 19:00 train meant I got in a 19:55 and their cups of tea are rank. And they, obviously, are going on my list.

Looking at the weekend, I feel it deserves me at least trying to get out of bed to write something before the 11:00 deadline I have set myself to get to my own stag. So, until then, hello cutie pie.

The pain of White Hart Lane

2010-02-24T14:11:00.000Z

To White Hart Lane tonight, the most inaccessible of all Premier League grounds in London. While The Arse, Chelski and T'Hammers all have a tube station nearby (The Arse even having one named after them), T'Spuds have a ground about eight miles away from Seven Sisters tube station, meaning a manic sprint through the mean streets of Haringey. Yes, I know there's a train station nearby, but do you fancy queueing up for an hour for an intermittent train service with five thousand bitter cockneys? No, me neither.

Now, if there is one thing constant in the universe, it is Spud fans thinking that any game against anybody who does not have their "history" should be a walk over. One, two and, yes, three Spud blogs were found to be under the impression that all they need to do tonight is turn up with six players and a 7-0 victory will be theirs. And how did I find these blogs? I just typed the words "Spurs" and "Twat" into Google and chose from the 50,000 articles readily available. (Before anybody tries it, Bolton Wanderers Twat gets 6,000) That's the problem with Spurs fans; too much time expecting the impossible. Their going on my list.

Anyway, for tonights game we have already mentioned that St Owen will be shuffling the pack. Unfortunately, it was only when we re read yesterday's posting that we realised that we had more or less put the first team down, so here, for your delectation, is our own reshuffled team.

Big Al --- AOB, Zat, Jlloyd, Not Mike ---- The Yank, Matty, Tamir, Samantha (Muamba. Samantha Muamba. No?) -- Kidneys/SuperKev, The Misfiring Swede

Speaking of this team, which he secretly faxed to us this morning, St Owen says:

The players who will play are certainly good players and worthy of a shirt.

I think he means one of the away tops that they'll be wearing tonight, not a general shirt from Next that looks nice now but in six months will be falling apart. (Next. They're going on my list as well.) Actually, thinking about it, would you wish the away shirt on anybody, especially as the last two times it was worn it brought two quite insipid displays?

The manager has also, again, backed the misfiring Swede, likening him to Pavulydunno at The Spuds, especially as the Russian scored two goals at Wigan on Sunday. It won't have escaped your attention that four days earlier Elmander didn't even get two shots on target at the same ground. Of our record signing he thinks that as soon as one goes in he will be off and running but we've already had four of those false dawns this season and it is a no brainer that as soon as Kidneys gets back to full fitness it will be the old tin tack and back onto the bench for Johan, probably for the last time. He is just not an out and out goalscorer and for all his workrate that is what he was brought in for. Enough ink has been wasted on why he was a bad buy, through no fault of his.

So, I've got my ticket and me and the other twenty fans will be singing tonight in the upper echelons of the ground. Much has been made on 606 of the fact that ITV isn't screening the game, preferring instead to show Chelski for God's sake. This then turned into another aren't your fans crap diatribe from someone who doesn't know. Of our fans I will say this; some are good, some are bad, some go all the time, some don't. I don't. I live in London. I go to away games. I'm going tonight. The game is two hundred miles and at least five hours away, on a school night. I'm surprised we got two hundred. Doesn't make Bolton fans any more fervent that any other team's fans, just more financially prudent. Look where blowing money got Portsmouth. But that is an arguement for another day. Probably tomorrow, after we win.

Until tomorrow, I don't do requests.

They ruined a perfect asshole when they put teeth in your mouth....

2010-02-23T15:09:00.000Z

Afternoon all, and we start with a bit of unrelated Bolton news but as it involves everyone's special Bolton hater, we'll make an exception. Apparently Stanley Victor said in T'Mirror yesterday that if Mr Vinegar of The Emirates gave him Theo Walcott he would turn him into a world beater. An Arsenal fan almost immediately came out with the obvious retort, changing the word "world" into something else. See if you can guess what that word is before going here to see if you were right. Which of course, you were.

Moving swiftly on like a sleek gazelle in the Serengeti, giving the two fingered salute to a couple of lions after running into some water and then shouting "Come on you pussies", we come to Kelly's "One" Eye in today's former BEN. It is very difficult for someone to write so much and say so little and yet Tony has managed that in spades today. Whilst we wouldn't want to wish unemployment on anybody, is it me or does it seem strange that the mouthpiece of the former manager is the only one who DIDN'T go in the cull of the staff, especially as his backing for the former manager set your teeth on edge. And now it is as if this never happened in Tony's world. Yes, we are aware that he holds a special place in the hearts of Bolton fans but now that St Owen is in place, is there a need for a "Fans Liasion Officer" as the manager seems to be doing a decent job himself. Just a thought.

Turning our thoughts to tomorrow's match at The Spuds and it seems that T'Trotters will be missing Gretar and Little Davies, and with both Little Jack and Dracula cup tied, this may see a debut for our new Yank, Stuart Holden, of whom the manager says

He is a young, hungry player who is desperate to do well and an exciting prospect who always catches the eye.

This is a big chance for Holden who is the only one of the three new signings we have a chance of keeping in the summer. It is also a chance for some fringe players, with both Riga and Big Al being mentioned in despatches. For Riga, a player who has flattered to decieve, that ship has almost certainly sailed, but it would be interesting to see how Big Al copes against Spurs forward line. It can't be easy for him, seeing Jussi pull off save after save every week and he deserves some sort of action, if only to keep Jussi in cotton wool for a day or so. As for the Spuds, they are missing the perenially injured Ledley King and Iron Lennon and their own cuptied Younes Kaboul. However, Spurs are a different proposition at home than away but we have come away with some results over the years, although the first time that I left a game early was in the 4-0 loss a couple of years back.

There is little doubt that the Wolves game is more important than tomorrow and very few would begrudge St Owen putting out a lesser team than usual, but the manager generally bigs up the cup. As such we would expect a line up of Al - Stefan, Zat, AOB, Not Mike - Matty, Ricky, Mumba, Lee - Kidneys, SuperKev. The Muppet Cascarino predicts a Spurs win, obviously, but doesn't seem to have seen our clean sheets since St Owen took over, as apparently we are "leaking goals". Which tells you all you need to know about Tony Cascarino, a man who won exactly nothing in England.

And, with that top and tailing our critique of useless former football playing journalists, we will ask you if the CIA have got you pushing too many pencils and see you tomorrow.

Cool Your Jets

2010-02-22T15:11:00.001Z

OK everybody, calm down. There is no need to do anything, even on the back of a performance yesterday that was a first return to the bad old days of non committment and amateurish defending, players not seeming to know who to pass to and, when they did, not knowing what to do with the ball.

Let us start with the good things, of which there were a couple. The fans still chanting the managers name even though we were being soundly beaten and our most successful manager of the modern era was sat in the opposition dugout. If this game had happened three months ago you could be guaranteed that the Blackburn and Bolton fans would be chanting one name only. Secondly, and just for a second, the cameras caught Gartslime and Big Sam sharing a handshake. Nothing to be read into that except that a few months ago the two of them would have been standing behind stantions under the stand trying to pop each other off with a couple of 9mm while calling each other names unprintable in a family publication.

To the game however, and if it hadn't been for Jussi, called a fantastic servant by Jon Champion so many times yesterday I'm thinking of ringing him up and asking him if he can do the silver service for my wedding, the score would have undoubtedly been a couple more than it was. This is noted by The Granuiad and all papers agree this morning that Blackburn were the better team, but as that was obvious from about the first minute yesterday, we will spare you the bother of linking to all the articles that are predicting Bolton's doom.

However, while we usually come here to praise St Owen not to bury him, there are one or two things to note. First and foremost, if there was never an intention to play Jack Wilshere from the start in games, then why loan him from Arsenal. OK, all his little cameo against Wigan showed was teenage petulance rather than silky skills, but to keep the same team that played against Wigan, who should have won, was folly. Muamba is tracking people better, although yesterday he did it badly, but if you are going to play him then he should not be asked to go forward as his shooting is woeful and is now becoming a joke. Matty Taylor has not been at the races all season and if he was a racehorse would have been put out to pasture by now. Now we wouldn't want to tell the manager his job, although I bet he hasn't taken Trafford F.C. to Champions League glory in Football Manager, but it came as little shock that Bolton's best passage of play came once those two came off and Saturday's game screams for Dracula, Little Jack and Little Davies to come in for Muamba, Taylor and Ricky (who is not and never has been a central midfielder), as well as the returning Kidneys, who managed more shots on target in ten minutes than the misfiring Swede managed in the rest of the game. Whilst Weiss and Wilshere are cuptied on Wednesday, Klasnic HAS to be given sixty minutes and Little Davies HAS to start for either Muamba or Matty, otherwise this time Spurs are going to cause us problems, and they managed to score three goals on Wigan's pudding pitch yesterday. Christ, two of those were scored by Pavlyunlongname.

But getting back to yesterday's game. St Owen has called the defending "schoolboy" and has since admitted to the former BEN that he laid into the players after them game saying

we did not, individually or collectively, get anywhere near our standard and that’s what leaves a bad taste in my mouth

Well, it left a bad taste in my mouth yesterday, but drowning your sorrows with about three bottles of vino upsadaisy tends to do that, and further along in the article he admits that he may make changes on Wednesday but alludes that this is more to do with survival than getting to Wembley, and that is the first glimmer that he may consider the challenge greater than it initially was.

However, three points on Saturday, against a team who don't exactly leak goals away from home but should be easier fodder, will lift us up to where we should be at the end of the season, i.e. not in the bottom three. Obviously, the one problem that we have is getting goals ourselves, but this should be rectified by the return of Klasnic, who should be biting at the reins to get back onto the pitch full time. And that is the end of the equine analogies.

Yesterday, EPSN made great truck of the fact that this is our most barren run since the Kronenburg brewery opened its doors, but records, good or bad, are there to be broken. It is now up to our attacking players to make sure it isn't elongated. We at the Towers are sure that they will do us proud, and if not we will be visiting their house in the same fashion we visited Cashley Hole's last week but this time we won't be running off without some silverware bastards!

In other news, the Chelsea away game has been chosen for live coverage, moving the game to April 12th. This is good news for me as I was wondering what to do on my last afternoon of the honeymoon but I'm sure that Mrs X will be having a few words, having already seen her west coast sojourn elongated by a day due to the Stretford game being live.

And finally, there will be a small intermission at the end of this week, not unlike the one at the end of last week, but this time it is due to twenty two northerners and one southerner taking Essex apart pub by pub on my stag do. I'm sure you'll understand.

Unitl tomorrow, hasta la vista. Don't know how I missed that one.

Somewhere From The North: A Statement

2010-02-19T21:14:00.000Z

Dear loyal reader. I know that yesterday I said that I would be giving you an update today, but after a hard day at work I realise that I cannot fulfill my promise. I know that this will come as a huge disappointment to you and that I have let you down. I'm deeply sorry for my irresponsible behaviour and never realised that a twelve hour shift would do this to me. Sorry. I thought normal rules didn't apply but it turns out that I can't manage to think of anything erudite to say after four hours sleep and then saving London. I have cheated and...no hang on that's not right. The simple answer is there was no time, so we will reconvene tomorrow if that's alright between you and me. I knew you'd forgive me, as I am the most regularly updated Bolton Wanderers blog around.

Until tomorrow, be good to yourselves, and each other. Unless you're Stan Collymore.

Following Corporal Jones' mantra....

2010-02-18T13:36:00.001Z

Imagine for a moment the rules of football had been changed and the game had to be played to a result, not with extra time or penalties, but with the schoolyard mantra of next goal wins. Imagine again that if those rules had applied to last night's game they would still be playing. Go on, close your eyes and imagine it. Not pleasant.

To say last night was a shocker is to put too mild a comment on it but I have been trying since ten o'clock last night to think of a word that doesn't have some sort of expletive in front of it to characterise the game and I can't. So, as I'm feeling generous, I'll give you two. It was fucking shit.

Now, we are aware that the game was played on a pitch that looked like it had been physically turned over so that the grass was on the bottom and then trampled over by the hordes from the circus trying to get hold of Nelly before she made her way back into the jungle, but that is not to excuse millioniare footballers, supposedly paid to try and play some kind of football and not to just hoof it where no one is and then expect someone who isn't there to keep hold of it. And this is not just having a go at the Bolton players, Wigan were just as culpable. Even though the stream I was watching it on was free and the pictures were thirty seconds behind the commentary on the BBC, I was still shouting for my money back.

I've seen some bad pitches. T'Reebok itself was a mud bath for a large part of the last promotion season but supposedly inferior players still managed to play it on the floor. Sunday League players can play it on the floor. What was served last night was not good enough.

However, even though I say that, some things rose above the dross. There does appear to be more of a team ethic amongst the players and they hassled and harried in much the same way they did Spurs on Sunday and another clean sheet is a plus. However the forward play of Sunday was strangely lacking and it wasn't until towards the end that some chances came, unfortunately coming to Matty Taylor who seems to have been taking shooting tips from Fabrice.

I can see why St Owen didn't start Little Jack or Dracula, this wasn't the sort of game for these young men and their trickery. However, when they did come in, both showed why they are NOT in their parent club's first team. Wilshere was eased off a ball and started crying rather than trying to win the ball back, a typically Arsenal trait, while Weiss seemed to just put his head down and run until being tackled, then stopped. Maybe some detention for the kids in the team ethic classroom wouldn't go amiss. And don't think we didn't miss Matty and his prima donna attitude after being subbed. We are Bolton, we don't do that.

However, we wouldn't go as far as some people who seem to be starting to grumble. The manager has taken positives from a game that we haven't lost and while the forward line is missing it's figurehead and sometimes missing the stand behind the goal never mind the goal when shooting, you don't lose games when your goals against equals zero and this whilst missing it's leader. There are bigger challenges to be had, Blackburn away already looming large on the horizon, and if you had said to me after looking at that pitch before the game yesterday would I have taken a point, I would have said yes. I just didn't expect the game to be so dire.

The majority of reports this morning also focused on the pitch, The Currant saying the pitch was worse than the weather, The Nazi likening the pitch to the weather that postponed the initial game, The Mirror calling it "a shambles" while The Granuiad confirms that the state of the pitch may have caused the teams to revert back to what used to be type.

So we move forward and at least find ourselves a place above the Dingles, which can only be a good thing. Talking to thecrapwebsite Zat mentions his new defensive partner and bigs him up before noting

He is bringing the best out of me and hopefully I can continue playing the way that I am playing. Davo is the captain of the team but I feel like a leader at the back, talking to the midfielders and other defenders.

With Cahill out it did need Zat to step up and make himself the player that got into the England squad. While we don't for one minute think he was ever that good anyway, his performances have certainly been top notch and playing alongside him appears to be doing Not Mike the world of good. We don't yet know how long Cahill will be out for so it seems that this will be our defensive partnership for some time to come. It is not the best of arrangements as we would prefer Not Mike to Stefan on the left, Stefan last night seeming to be an accident waiting to happen again, but two clean sheets in three games is testament to one thing that no one can grumble about.

There will be a late update tomorrow so until then, let off some steam Bennett.

Praise The Lord

2010-02-17T15:52:00.000Z

Tonight, at last, we get down to the business end of the season. Forget all those high falutin', multi millionaires of Citeh, The Scousers and The Arse, here is where we have to nail our colours to the mast and show the rest of the Premier League, and those naysayers in the press (yes, Stanley Victor Collymore, I am looking at you and if you don't come out with the most humble of humble pies at the end of the season, being caught in a car park by the rozzers, doing whatever people of your intelligence do, will be the least of your problems. I am already thinking gaffer tape, strapped to a chair, whilst Big Duncan from Fort William, who has not had a man for twelve years because they don't do that kind of thing up there, takes all his frustration out on you with a soldering iron and twelve pints of Heavy), exactly why we poached Burnley's manager. The performances have been good and have managed to incline certain members of Her Majesty's press to remark, somewhat begrudgingly in some cases, that things might have changed. However, playing better and losing is all well and good, it does not put points on the table.

Which leads me onto the game tonight at our nearest and dearest Woolyback friends from the whatdoyoucallit stadium. Neither having the time, inclination nor care to see which way Wigan have been playing recently, the only thing I can say with certainty is that whatever way they are playing it isn't getting them many points. Apparently, according to one Wigan blog, it's been going long, thereby bypassing a pitch that has started to be cut up by the use of both Athletic and the town's team that play the girls version of rugby. And if they are going long, what better team to smack them down than the masters of long ball football. However, they don't play Spurs until the weekend.

Talking to the crapwebsite, Stefan, who has been appearing too much in the press recently, like he thinks he's a regular team member or something, says

I'm expecting that it will be an end-to-end game, but not too open. Hopefully we will come away with three points.

Nothing like trying to tear the neutrals away from Midsomer Murders.

For Bolton, only Zat gives cause for concern and that is a different kind of concern than he used to give us. Apart from the long term injuries, Cahill (clot), Kidneys (calf) and The Badger (like I care), the problem that forced Zat off at the weekend may cause him to miss tonight, leaving AOB to partner Not Mike. Apparently Tamir is pressing for a return to the team, but let's hope he only presses himself between two others on the subs bench. For Wigan, McCarthy is rated at 50/50 whilst Moses and Moreno, which sounds like a firm of Jewish solicitors, are pressing for a game. Man for man, we should beat them, but that makes me sound like a Spurs fan. But I expect a win, simply because we are now eternal optomists.

And, even though I only said it half jokingly, I am not surprised to see what is becoming a daily update on Gary "Gaz" Cahill, this time in the BEN. Apparently he had a blood clot. What, you didn't know?

I will see you tomorrow on the other side of three points. Until then, he had to split.

Snooze....

2010-02-16T14:15:00.000Z

Not much going on the wild world of Bolton Wanderers today, which isn't to say that we haven't got any musings and in no way shape or form will we be padding up this edition with long, superfluous sentences that seem to meander away like a slow river, not going anywhere until they stop somewhere in The Cotswolds.

After some bartering, the Spurs replay will be played next Wednesday after T'Trotters agreed to move the Blackburn game to Sunday, meaning an early rise for all the soap dodgers. This will obviously mean that the takings in all of Blackburn pubs will be hit, what with them having to get straight back from the game for their weekly iron bath, whether they need it or not. Of the game, which we will naturally win, more later this week.

Tomorrow we visit our nearest neighbours and attempt to come away with something that has largely eluded us since Wigan bought their way into the Premier League. One win and one draw at the Whatevertheyarecallingitthisseason Stadium since Wigan were promoted is not a good enough return, especially as we regularly end up above them at the end of the season. Of course, the most infamous game came a couple of years ago when the Bolton team phoned in a performance so insipid, Bolton Council were flooded with complaints the Monday after under the Trades Description Act and RyanAir flew some fans back for gratis in sympathy.

Of course, that is gone now and our saviour has been talking about the game. Managing to sound authorative on the subject as well as stating that bleeding obvious (again) he says

Wednesday is a massive game for both clubs - there is no doubt about that. No one likes to be in the bottom three and the only way to get out of that is to win matches

Now we at the Towers love St Owen. We have a St Owen mug, a St Owen towel, eat off a St Owen plate and sleep under a St Owen duvet while Mrs X sleeps in the spare room under her Stevie G one. However, the monotony of this is beginning to grate. We all know it's a massive game, we all know the next six games are against teams in the bottom half and we all know that they won't be easy (the Burnley game saw to that). If St Owen ever leaves football, maybe Parliament should come calling as he manages to keep you informed without telling you anything you don't already know.

He has also told the misfiring Swede to keep trying with this titbit of coaching for when in front of goal

As simple as it sounds, you have to maintain your level of composure.

This reminds me of the time that Mrs X told me that she had cancelled something under my name, using my phone and imitating my voice. As simple as it sounds, I had to maintain my composure as well, helped by five double JD's in the local after I had stormed out. Of course, years later we are still together, so there must be an analogy there somewhere. Suffice to say, as big as my lungs are for shouting expletives at the television, my breath will not be held.

The manager has confirmed the return of Little Jack and The Transylvanian, whilst holding out hope that Zat will be back. Hopefully the only change will be Wilshere for Taylor, as well as Matty played on Sunday, with Wilshere being given free rein to fly at Bramble. We don't mean fly literally or anything, only one player can have jets for heels and we have him on loan from Citeh.

Other than this, apparently Gary "Gaz" Cahill's blood clot isn't as bad as feared. This follows last week's update that his blood clot isn't as bad as feared and the weekend's news that Cahill's blood clot isn't as bad as feared. Apparently on Wednesday we'll be told that Gary Cahill's blood clot isn't as bad as feared. Let's hope so, I don't know what I'd do without the continuous updates.

Until tomorrow, what's got Billy so spooked?

Maybe we could use dummies to fill the seats?

2010-02-15T15:47:00.000Z

Monday morning rolled around and T'Wanderers get almost universal praise for their performance against the Spuds yesterday. However, quite a lot of print has been used to wonder why the ground was only half full yesterday, with some people using this as an another excuse to beat Bolton with the stick that we do not belong in the Premiership.
One writer on 606 actually got it back from his fellow Tottenham fans, but call after call to the 606 programme last night focused not really on Bolton's performance but the 13,000 crowd, and, surprise surbloodyprise, the majority of them came from our North London friends who should really have been weeping into their lager tops all the way down the M6 long before their buck toothed, short arsed, striker scored.

Well, while it is true that average attendances at T'Reebok are down from the early days in the Reebok, this is true for most of the Premiership. And while those from the Seven Sisters Road have a large fanbase, due to being in a city with a population of eight million, plus a residual overflow into Middlesex and a large contingent of visiting fans from Tel Aviv every week (no, it's true), when it comes to fellow London teams they only have to contend with Arsenal and Chelsea when it comes to those that are near the top of the league, while, in a conurbation roughly the same size, Bolton have to put up with Stretford, The Tenants and Liverpool. The only other London teams in the Premiership are The Hammers and Fulham, while Bolton have had to regularly put up with Everton and Blackburn, and now we have The Dingles for good measure. Add that to a depressed economy, affecting the north west worse than the south east, the fact the game was at 1:30, on the TV, on Valentine's Day and that most Spurs fans are single with one hand continually down their trousers, and you will see why they managed to bring nearly half the crowd.

Plus, I don't see anyone mentioning Fulham's 16,000 crowd, a large part of who were Notts County fans, and their ground is, very picturesquely, stuck right in the middle of London, not at the arse end of the M61. Case closed, muppets.

And while I am on my continual high horse, while working overnight I noticed the news reports on BBC, ITN and Sky Sports News all said Huddlestone missed. No, he didn't. Jussi saved. You could tell that by the fact the shot was on target and he got his hands to it.

Anyway, to the performance. It is really very difficut to fault anyone at all in the game, even Stefan who, barring his miscue onto the bar, managed to stand up Bentley rather than leave his leg dangling. Jussi, the penalty save notwithstanding, pulled off a couple of great saves, the defence were solid when called on, except for the goal. Chung had a quiet game and was being dealt a torrid time by Bale by the time he came off but played effectively when attacking. Muamba and Ricky nullified any threat Spurs' central midfield had and if I was Ledley King I would still be looking round wondering where the hell SuperKev and the misfiring Swede are.

Naturally the performance was going to suffer as the second half went on, simply because there is only so much chasing and harrying you can do and this allowed Spurs to get a foothold in the game. The fact that they got a foothold is only because of our inability to put the chances we had into the net. However if we can get into these positions, it augurs well for when our only natural goalscorer returns to the team. However I dont think we can wait for Cahill, ho ho.

Good news on The Other Davis, you know, the one that played four games before injuring himself walking off the pitch after getting sent off. Or something. Well, he will be able to start running by March he tells thecrapwebsite. Out of all the summer signings, Davis was the one that I was most looking forward to and it was a shame that we didn't see him play to full effect. It would be good to see him play before the end of the season and then come 2010-2011, when we fully expect to still be in the Premier League, it will be like signing a new player, blah blah blah.

In the news over the weeked, it is reported that both Stretford and The Pool are scouting Little Davies. Stretford see him as a replacement for Paul Scholes, Liverpool as a replacement for no one in particular and probably just an opportunity to piss us off. As much as I think we need Wilshere and Weiss this season, we have to be keeping players like Little Davies at the club. Our inability to keep Guthrie a couple of years ago caused us problems, although not as many as to Guthrie himself (how's the Fizzy Pop League Danny?) and, while I believe that Mark is good enough for one of the big four and it is only a matter of time, like Cahill, before he gets snapped up, a couple more seasons at the Reebok would serve both him and us well. Besides, Stretford have enough midfielders and Liverpool will probably pay £10million for him and then stick him on the bench while another Spaniard gets a game.

Elsewhere on the net, sport.co.uk choose Bolton's best and worst kits of our Premier League stay. The best, they say, was the 2001-2003 home top. Hard to disagree with this, although I preferred the one that immediately followed it, which just had a hint of red in it. The worst though has been chosen to be the away kit 2004-06. Have they not seen our last two home tops, the apron and the dish cloth? Ooh, look at me, getting all fashionista. Well, UK design does need a new Enfant Terrible. What? Too soon?

Until tomorrow, consider that a divorce.

The Spurs (Semi)-Live Blog

2010-02-14T13:22:00.000Z

Hello, and welcome to our first, as it happens, blog. Obviously, due to the fact that Bolton hardly appear on live TV, not being a member of the Sky 4, these will be few and far between. Oh, hang on, there's another one on Wednesday.

A quick note on the team, nearly as I saw it a couple of days ago, although I am surprised to see Ricky in the team.

Peter Drury notes Matty's presence in the team and says that Bolton may be stronger than on Tuesday. Obviously hasn't been followimg the team recently. Good to see a Lofthouse stand full......

Harry and St Owen share a laugh and a handshake. Funny, when Harry closes his mouth he looks like Churchill. The Dog. Oh yes.

Cameras point at Eidur, looking estactic to be on the bench again.

5 mins. And the ball falls to Muamba. Catch it Spurs fan in the top stand.
6 mins. Those bloody drums. Are they ever going to stop. I feel like The Master.
8 mins. Fantastic cross, falls to the wrong man but at least its hit with conviction and on target.
9 mins. Corner across, Gomes punches and we hear the first cries of "freak". Must be Crouch on the ball. Defoe takes Stefans head off and Zat gets his first shot on target this season. First shot towards to oppositon goal on target I mean.
11 mins. Spur's early tactic appears to be the decapitation of Stefan. Another shot from the misfiring Swede, over the bar.
13 mins. Ooooh, Spurs have had a shot. Oooh, Matty's done an impression of Muamba.
14 mins. Ooooh, the misfiring Swede has done an impression of Muamba.
16 mins. Dirty Spurs. Huddlestone gets a yellow.
17 mins. Spurs are in a battle says the commentator. Yes, a one side battle where they don't know what to do.
18 mins. Harry's on the screen. Oh, no no no no. Apparently the next shot Elmander does has to be on target. No shit Sherlock.
21 mins. Capello's in the stand next to Gartslime. Obviously here to watch SuperKev.
22 mins. How the hell are these not going in?
23 mins. Dirty Spurs II. Palacios gets a yellow.
24 mins. Great free kick from Taylor. Good save Gomes. Spurs manage to get out of their own half. Not for long.
26 mins. Mrs X says Bentley looks like a small time pimp. Hard to disagree.
27 mins. Huddlestone does an impression of Muamba. Crouch does an impression of Muamba.
28 mins. Another free kick. Modric covers his face, obviously because he's been hit there before.
32 mins. Quiet period, Bentley has to go off for a blood injury, possibly for being punched in the face by one of his hos.
34 mins. That my friend, is how you play football. Long ball team? Super goal from Super Kev. Hats off to the misfiring Swede.
36 mins. Great defending from Not Mike. Who needs Cahill? No, I don't mean that.
39 mins. Long thrown into the box and Crouch heads wide. These boys are offering nothing at the moment.
42 mins. Commentator notices that Stefan is playing well. Or the Pimp isn't. One or the other.
43 mins. Dirty Bolton. Zat Knight booked. Looked fair to me. Well, it was on a Spurs player. Smacking one of them in the face would be fair.
45 mins. Elmander takes on for the team whilst getting in the way.
46 mins. Matty Taylor calls Defoe a short arse and gets harshly booked. Defoe gets booked for being ugly and a short arse, which is quite fair.

HALF TIME.

I'm trying to decide whether Steve Rider is being patronising or not, but I agree with the fact that you can watch that goal again and again. Seventeen passes.

No, he is being patronising, saying "What can Spurs do about the silky skills of Bolton Wanderers?" Arse.

Amir Khan getting interviewed now. Very up, course we can win. I'd have him in a fight. No, I'd have him in a fight with me. Don't be silly.

SECOND HALF

46 mins. Can Spurs do anyhing about Chung? Super Kev's shot could have gone anywhere.
48 mins. Spurs whinging about the goal. Apparently Clive Allen had a go at Phil Dowd in the tunnel for not waving The Pimp back on before the goal. Dowd says he did and Bentley was too busy getting the hair out his eyes to see it.
49 mins. Harry on the screen again, looking like he's been parachuted into a porcupine farm. (One for our foreign fans there).
50 mins. One touch passing, misfiring Swede misfires from acute angle.
51 mins. Another Spurs attack breaks down. Should really put that on repeat.
52 mins. Another Spurs attack breaks down.
53 mins. Another Spurs attack breaks down. Muamba shoots wide. Should have that on repeat as well.
54 mins. Crouch hits bar. Dawson hand balls. Stefan hits our bar. WTF?
57 mins. Spurs coming back into it. Commentator says Crouch unlucky to hit wood. isn't that what he does every time he gives Abi a spanking?
59 mins. This is all getting a bit frantic.
60 mins. Bollocks. At least he's in my fantasy team.
62 mins. Kranjcar on for Modric. AOB on for Zat. These could decide the afternoon.
65 mins. Quite time finished by Palacios blazing over.
66 mins. Kranjcar shoots, good save Jussi. They have to step this up now otherwise we'll be run over.
68 mins. Looks like Little Davies is coming on. Chung off.
70 mins. Well, this is all going pear shaped isn't it. Not Mike handles. Time for Jussi to out psych Huddlestone.
71 mins. Which he does. SAAAAAAAAVVVEEEE!!!
72 mins. Defoe being allowed too much time, fantasy football or not.
73 mins. Now the change comes. South Korean banners in the stands. Obviously a lot of our Asian friends live in Radcliffe.
77 mins. Game seems to have calmed down now. Except for Crouch heading wide after the ball hits him on the head more than anything.
78 mins. Good close skills from the misfiring Swede, one touch too many.
80 mins. I've only just noticed, Gareth Bale looks like a vampire.
81 mins. Defoe thinks Ricketts puts a high foot in. Any foot on Defoe would be high.
82 mins. Looks like we're not going to see Eidur come on, which is a shame.
85 mins. It's kind of fizzling out now. Looks like we'll do it again.
87 mins. I've just noticed, Mark Davies looks like Matt D'Angelo. Oh no, we're going to lose. Cohen's on for Matty.
88 mins. Super Kev is man of the match. Well deserved. Three mins injury time.
89 mins. Another bit of sloppy defending. This is like watching Dr. Who when I was six.
91 mins. On repeat, Muamba hits it wide.
92 mins. Spurs take three goes at deciding on a throw in taker.
93 mins. That's it. Get your tickets whenever you want, there'll be plenty.

A Taxing Weekend

2010-02-12T15:16:00.000Z

Remember way back when, well 2006, when the joke after Bolton beat Portsmouth shortly after the infamous Panorama programme was that neither manager would see the press as "Sam is all bunged up and Harry isn't feeling two grand"? No? Well, Tottenham and their, allegedly, tax avoiding manager come T'Reebok on Sunday looking to improve on their wretched record at the ground. After being systematically outplayed for large parts of the game by even the former manager in October, yes credit where it's due, Spurs have managed to put some good runs together to find themselves sixth in the table and get to the point where they may even be able to back up the suggestion by the majority of their deluded fans that they are a "big club", who have been slightly less than big since, oooh, before the cold war. Started. Their problem has always been the same. For a big club, they have always had a problem putting the little clubs away, hence this week's loss to Wolves, Wolves completing the double over them, has come on the back of being unable to beat Hull, Birmingham and even Leeds since the decade turned.

It isn't hard to like Harry Redknapp, he wheels and deals, more or less tells it like it is, and deserved a chance at a club who could offer more to him than West Ham and Portsmouth. This is what Spurs needed, after all the fancy dans who have managed them before, always following the fans mantra of scoring one more than the opposition, but unable to do this due to buying either bad, crocked or (possibly) dead defenders.

Their problems against us ostensibly lie in what Bolton fans hate to be told their team are but is used to great effect against teams like Spurs at home. Physicallity. Our defence can deal with high balls to Crouch all day long and Defoe seems to have the Indian sign hung over him by the time he reaches the M61. We are normally torn off a strip by Aaron Lennon, but he's out, although Bentley seems to have found some of the form that caused Spurs to sign him. Eidur is in their squad and, as always, it will be good to see him back at the ground where he always gets a good reception and acknowledges it, but I wouldn't expect him to start.

For Bolton, both Weiss and Wilshere are cup tied, which is a damn shame as it would have been nice to seem them twisting and turning and testing Ledley King's knee. So I would expect the same line up as Tuesday, with Little Davies coming in for Little Jack. I think we can safely assume that Stefan Dennis will keep his position at left back, although for what reason I don't know, as playing him must surely make the left wingers job harder, especially if that winger is Matty Taylor who we all know couldn't track a Royal Mail parcel, never mind an opposition player.

Here at T'Towers we are going for 2-1 win, simply because St Owen has more or less said he will be putting out a strong team. However, Lawro seems to think that just because Spurs are a good cup side they will win (pardon me, two league cups in twenty years does not a good cup side make. So did Leicester), while Gudni unsurprisingly backs T'Wanderers.

Elsewhere, St Owen has told the press that Gary "Gaz" Cahill, may be back in the fold before the end of the season. Reporting that he may have been misquoted he says

I never gave up hope anyway. I said we suspected he would be out for a period of time, probably a couple of months. Then obviously because in a couple of months there's not long to go, it all of a sudden became he's out for the season

Obviously this is good news as this would put him back in sometime early April, just in time for the run in and is probably one of a select group of Bolton players who could fit into any new system the manager is running by then. And obviously it would mean Ricketts can move over to the left, negating the Stefan Dennis effect.

Elsewhere he attempts to pick up his troops, which means you and me as well as the players, in a kind of vaguely, 'we were behind Derby but look at us now' sort of way, although that is obviously not what he means. He says

We came into the club in the bottom three — so it isn’t as if we have been sitting around at the top, and started slipping down the table

Now, we aren't going to go over old ground, four games in six against those in the top five, blah blah blah, next games are winnable ho hum, although it is predictable that if we had known that we would be taking four points from six games under St Owen we would still be looking through rose tinted glasses, but now is the time to shut up about it and get on with the business of climbing the table. And to never ever say anything former managerial again. He got away with the Sammy Lee like "positives" and he will get away with this, as long as he isn't sat in the Goals on Sunday studio in two years still saying it.

And, just before I finish, go back up the page, look at the picture, and tell me Jamie doesn't get his looks from his mum, although his botoxed like expressions while being a pundit obviously come from having a fence rammed up his arse.

As Arnie would say, I'll Be Back. I am going to run out of these quotes quite quckly.

Up Before The Beak

2010-02-11T23:59:00.000Z

Right, little time to do anything today, as it's already gone into tomorrow on GMT. Mrs X has hogged the computer organising the honeymoon tonight. And I didn't even realise we weren't married.

Obviously the major news is that the FA have written a strongly worded letter to SuperKev, requesting an explaination as to his comments relating to Mark Clusterfuck after the Fulham game. It isn't like we didn't know it was coming and admirable as St Owen's defence of his captain was, there was little doubt that Lancaster Gate would be sharpening it's HB and putting the Queen's face on a letter, c/o T'Reebok. While SuperKev's comments hold a lot of weight, no doubt he will be given a warning and a fine, unless of course the disciplinary commitee is headed by Mr. Hustlebuck himself, in which case five years in Siberia will probably be counted as a lucky escape.

Otherwise it's just the usual "haven't we played well while losing" pieces on the crap website, this time from The New Gudni (I take a lot of time thinking up these names y'know), while in the former BEN, St Owen basically praises The Shitt whilst telling him that he has about as much chance of getting in the team as Alf Ippititimus. One for the kids there.

As Arnie would say, stay frosty. Until tomorrow.

It Was The Best Of Times, It Was The Worst Of Times

2010-02-10T20:49:00.001Z

UPDATE:REEDITED SO THE COHEN SENTENCE MAKES SENSE!

Well, it certainly was a tale of two citys last night. Made to look ordinary by a resolute Bolton team, unless you read The Currant, they were a poor reflection of a side that cost £200million. And don't believe that they are on the up. From what we saw last night, and after their defeat to Hull at the weekend, they will have difficulty scraping into the Europa League.

But a bit of sublime skill from Viera and Adebyebye and a rash moment from Stefan Dennis cannot take away how well T'Trotters played. From front to back, barring two players, they were exemplary, chasing and harrying as if they were in the bottom three. (STOP PRESS: They are). There was some one touch passing the like of which Andy Gray seemed never to have seen before from a Bolton team. This is the way they have to play if we are to stay up.

And make no mistake, this is where the business end of the season starts. I'm not going to list the games again, Big Sam did it enough times last night on Sky Sports, repeating the joke at least three times that "as long as they can win six of them he'll be happy. Ah ha ha ha ha ha!" OK, maybe not in a Lord Flasheart kind of way, but he was admitting that they are winnable.

The only thing missing last night was the finish. The misfiring Swede lived up to my nickname for him but managed to put himself in better positions than he has done, SuperKev gave the Citeh defence a torrid time. At the back, bar the Adebayor goal, Knight and Not Mike were exeptional at keeping the forward line that I bigged up yesterday quiet and Steinsson flew down the wings enough times to keep the City defence busy when they weren't being worried by Chungy (Copyright Matt Taylor). Muamba managed to get a shot on target, but then blotted his copybook literally ten seconds later by ballooning a shot so high it came down where Maine Road used to be, where it was soon involved in a knife fight, only being taken down by a drive by shooting by some lads called Dwayne driving a stolen Prius that was later seen wrapped around one of the railings of Alexandra Park. But I digress.

Tamir, Tamir, Tamir. If you don't pull your socks up soon all you will be known as is Avi's son who used to play for Bolton. (New record for that one broken by Alan Parry last night at 4:25). Imagine Little Davies' face when he realised that Jack Wilshere was in the team only to find out seconds later that he was the one that had been dropped. Yes, a nice little passing sequence with Chungy and a last minute tackle were well done, but last night I thought you'd changed your name to "Cohen. Oh Dear" I heard it so much. You see those things around your ankles? Pull them up or you'll be back where the former manager found you.

Stefan Dennis. Where do I start? How about this quote:

I stuck my leg out and he ran into me, what else could I do? The ball wasn’t exactly going to stay on the pitch, and I think any normal referee would have just given a goal kick but when you come to these places you don’t get anything

Let me break it down. One, you left your leg hanging there as an invitation for Johnson to run over it. It was left there so long I had the time to get out of my chair, get the tube to Euston, the train the Manchester, connect at Oxford Road for the bus, run into the stadium and fall over it and it STILL would have been a penalty. What you could have done was not stick it out and use your considerable bulk to shepherd the ball out. Two, there was a normal referee on the pitch and he gave the right decision. Three, if you know you don't get anything, whydafookyoudoit?

Actually, maybe the referee isn't normal, seeing as how he saw your attempt to cut Shaun Wright-Phillips even more down to size as only a yellow. The devil on my left shoulder was telling me to call for a red, thereby making St Owen play either Jlloyd or Ricky in the next game. Actually, the angel on my right shoulder was telling me as well, but I was well onto my fifth glass of wine then so it may have affected his perception. And the ref did also miss Kolo Toure's early entry for the next Olympic's new event of "grass tobogganing without the toboggan". Not that the misfiring Swede would have got to the ball and put it in the net.

But, to equal all this out we had to debut of Jack Wilshere. Neat touches on the ball, holding it up well, better vision than the players he was playing with. If Mr Whinegear has any sense he will loan Jack to us for next season as well. St Owen knows a good thing when he sees it and we can only hope, pray and sacrifice our eldest that he plays him alongside Weiss and Little Davies in the next seven games. Because for one they are better than what is there at the moment and for two, it's going to take everyone else a couple of games to tune into his wavelength.

So we are now 19th and Stan Colllymore is probably laughing up his sleeve, while hiding in some bushes trying to avoid the police. Bastard. I really hope he gets his and not in a good way.

Until tomorrow, Towers out.

To the Council House

2010-02-09T10:45:00.000Z

We have a lot to catch up on since the last post so let's get on with the public attack on Mark Clattenburg.

It will have escaped nobodys attention that Bolton should have had a goal on Saturday and this is now the fifth game this season where we have had Mr Clattenburg and haven't got three points from it. Now we at The Towers aren't ones for stats but the list of refs we have had in the league so far this season reads thus:

Mark Clattenburg 5
Chris Foy 3
Steve Bennett 3
Phil Dowd 3
Andre Marriner 2
Mike Jones 2
Alan Wiley 2
Peter Walton 1
Mike Dean 1
Martin Atkinson 1

Now, in an utterly unscientific way, this would pre suppose that we aren't going to get him again this season, and in no way are we going to blame him for the games that we have lost with him in charge this season, to Villa and Stretford, and the draws with Stoke and Citeh (he did send Craig Bellamy off for tripping over his laces), but his staggering decision on Saturday, when only he and everyone's favourite grandad Roy Hodgson saw the supposed push by SuperKev on Hangeland, could now hang over us like the Sword of Damocles (we're all still happy but at any moment a big sword could land on our head sending us down to The Championship if you don't know your Greek legend). SuperKev claimed that the referee hardly gives him anything and St Owen later backed the captain. Funnily enough it is now SuperKev that could be in trouble with the law after his comments. Maybe he could ring up Clattenburg and ask him how you go about circumnavigating the rules.

Otherwise the game was an unremarkable mish mash of Fulham defending and Bolton unable to break them down. The fact that we kept a clean sheet has to be applauded, especially as the defence had to make do without Gary Cahill. We certainly had enough shots on target but the lack of goals is now becoming a worry. The midfield has hardly changed since the days of the former manager and there is little possibility of it changing for tonight's game as it is envisioned here that St Owen will go for the same team and formation that he played at The Emirates. We have said it previously that Tamir Cohen appears to be resting on the laurels of his early season form and that Matty Taylor appears to be settling into the kind of playing attitude that called time on his period at Portsmouth, both of which are reflected by the ratings in the Tory report of the game.

So what of tonights game? Well, the first thing to note is the players that aren't available. The bad news is that Klasnic is still unavailable and Weiss cannot play under the terms of the loan agreement, but this is softened by the news that The Badger is out for a couple of months after suffering an injury in the game at The Emirates, so at least something good came out of the match. With Gary "Gaz" Cahill probably out for the season, against a forward line that can sometimes turn it on with bewildering speed and skill, our new central defensive partnership of Zat Knight and whoever he gets tonight will certainly have their work cut out. Cahill's problem is something that you just cannot guard against and is the first time in my life that I can remember a player being out with a blood clot. Being a clot yes, blood clot no. Some would ask why another central defender wasn't brought in during the window and the answer was because we didn't need one. We need one now, as our third choice central defender is now The Shitt, which should have any Bolton fan reaching for the smelling salts. Makes you wonder what the terms of Nicky Hunt's loan are.
City themselves are missing Craig Bellamy but with Tevez, Adebayor et al it is still akin to the 300 against the Persians, Bolton being the Spartans. Nobody is making out that Cahill is Leonidas, he himself has managed to make some mistakes this year (blame that on who you want) but I would rather have a defence with him in it than without him. The central midfield will have to be solid with a speedy midfielder to launch any counter attack up to our lone striker, and I don't mean the misfiring Swede. This is why I would advocate throwing Wilshere into the midfield from the off as the manager is thinking about. These are the kind of games that make men of young footballers and with Taylor about as fleet of foot as a box of nails he would be the one I would replace. If he doesn't get any game time soon it will seriously piss off Wenger and I can't believe that I am countenancing keeping that grumpy, myopic twat happy.

This weeks comedy moment comes courtesy of the crapwebsite not being able to spell "intention" and making it sound like St Owen was saying something else during his preview to tonight's game....

I've been frustrated for him because the intension was to play him against Liverpool

Tension in the ranks already, but at least it's not the same kind of tension we had during 2009. 75-1 on a 2-0 win tonight. Win that and I'm off to Vega$.

We return tomorrow.

Cahill out for season shocker.

2010-02-08T10:30:00.001Z

No postings over the weekend due to Mrs X Snr being down from Manchester and no pun today due to the seriousness of the problem that Gary "Gaz" Cahill has. But we all know who to blame don't we?

Normal service resumes tomorrow.

Not Even Good Enough For Tranmere

2010-02-03T16:22:00.000Z

Amidst all the kerfuffle surrounding Vaz Te not going to Hamilton (well I say kerfuffle, it's not like most people give a toss) we missed an update on....dum dum dum....Fat Mike Watch.

Yes, Fat Mike is looking for his umpteenth club since showing the middle finger to T'Reebok in 2003 after Tranmere ~~dumped his ass~~ mutually terminated his contract. The Wirral Globe says that he "wasn’t able to fit into the hard-running demands placed on the attacking players",which more or less sums up his attitude after the 2001-02 season.

Good luck in finding a new club Mike. Yes, I am lying again.

Right that's it, answer the question. Ou est Ricardo Vaz Te?

2010-02-02T22:39:00.000Z

In the desert that is the national news about Bolton that normally occurs on a Tuesday and Wednesday when we have no midweek game, except for the times when we are loaning other teams wonderkids or, you know, nicking other teams managers, the only Oasis (geddit), besides Tony Kelly's never entertaining column in the former BEN (this weeks highlight being Fabrice Muamba's inability to score, or as its known at X Towers "the bleeding obvious") was a late transfer story that managed to wriggle it's way from underneath the snorefest. No, it's not Mark Connolly's late loan move to St. Johnstone, as reported here by the BBC, whose lack of info was then ripped apart by our friends at Vital here, but the supposed move of Ricardo Vaz Te to Hamilton Academical. The former BEN reported it, as did The Mirror. But throughout the day cock all appeared about it on either the crap website, which could have been because it is, well, crap, or the Hamilton website. Which led us to ask the above question, as we did twice last year.

Yesterday we mentioned Bambi's name after no new strikers were rushed in due to Kidney's injury and remarked that he may be given a chance, so it seemed a bit strange for the manager to leave us with just two recognised strikers, even if sometimes Bambi doesn't actually appear to be one. And late today the reason became clear. Hamilton is to Bambi as Glasgow is to The Shitt. And in a sense you can see the reasoning behind it. Scotland may not be Anfield, an area that even a scabby rat would turn it's nose up at living in, but it's two redeeming features are the hills and the M74 out of the country. It may not do his career at the Reebok any good but you may just have to nod your head in agreement at his decision. I just hope he likes training with the youth team.

Elsewhere, St Owen unveiled his three signings. And as you will see from the picture of the three of them holding the team shirt up, little Jack has his sleeves pulled up over his hands. Aaaawwwww. Plus, the look on his face seems to suggest that he can wait until he puts the shirt on, although to be fair, that was the look that most of us had when it was unveiled last year.

Until tomorrow, let's all laugh at Wigan.

DEADline day.

2010-02-01T20:10:00.000Z

No great surprises that nothing else happened in the few days before the transfer window SLAMMED shut, as they love to say on Sky Sports News, except Obadeyi moving to Rochdale on loan and Danny Ward extending his loan at Swindon to the end of the season. However, with the news that Kidneys is out for up to a month there was some musings by the manager early on in the day that he may move for another striker. However, by the evening he had resisted the temptation.

This is a blow for T'Wanderers, leaving us with only SuperKev and the misfiring Swede as options, unless you include Bambi Vaz Te. As we all know, Big Ivan has come through a lot in his career (current record of being reminded of this by a commentator being held by Martin Tyler in the home game against Arsenal at 3:32 into the game) and you would expect the only thing to take him down would be a cannon ball to the gut, a snipers shot to the cranium from the Lofthouse Upper or a punch in the back from the Dad of the Year. An ankle injury seems just a little tame to be the reason for his absence from the team and I fully expect that the story will soon surface that he has gone off to Vietnam to get the last prisoners out.

Is not bringing anyone else in a mistake? Well, it says that he is out "for up to a month" which could mean a couple of weeks or the month. In my opinion there is no need for a knee jerk reaction, especially if you bring someone in for the rest of the season and they find themselves fourth choice after two games. That would be a waste of money. (Speaking of which, it would appear that Scotland was too cold after Angola for The Shitt and he will see out the rest of the season in the reserves. Welcome back Danny. Yes, I am lying.) The last time we did something like that we brought in the god that is Grzegorz Rasiak, which turned out well. These are the decisions that managers stand and fall on and it is better bringing no one in than someone who could take three weeks to fit in.

In other news, we are still waiting for the crap website to put anything up about the fans forum on Thursday, for those of us who, y'know, don't live in the north west, although by all accounts it went very well. Nice to see the former manager getting roundly booed and confirmation, if any were needed, that he had been invited to a forum but had declined. Well, it's never nice to be pelted with tomatoes and rotten cabbage, which is what would have been coming out of his mouth.

So another day passes. I will see you tomorrow and leave you with this thought. Just what the hell is this doing on the Bolton Wanderers page of the former BEN even if the suspect looks suspiciously like Stuart Holden?

The tunnel at the end of the light

2010-01-31T21:02:00.000Z

Well, it's fair to say that after the first four league games under the charge of St Owen we have got the number of points with him in the managerial hot seat that we would have expected to have. It is probably also fair to say that we would have expected this amount of points under the former manager but the performances have been better and the football more pleasing. However we now go into a run of games that will define our season. It is two months before Stretford United await us at Old Trafford and in that time we have nine games that we must expect to get something out of. Yes, even Citeh away. Fulham, Wigan (twice), Blackburn, Wolves, West Ham, Sunderland and Everton are games that, if the right set of results happen, would get us near, or even over, the magical forty points. The team has been unlucky in the games against The Arse and The Scousers and had to drag a result out against the inbreds, but they were competitive for a large part of those games, and have suffered bad luck in all. It is time, now, to thrust our chests out, breath in the air, have a cough and get on with the job of keeping us in the Premier League. And when I say we, I of course mean St Owen.

It is a long time since Bolton have been called industrious in a report, but that is exactly what they were called in The Telegraph, although The Currant take a different view and The Mirror suggest Bolton were "comfortably and convincingly beaten", although we all know that their writers hate us, especially that bitch Collymore. The Nazi calls us "lambs to the Anfield slaughter", which is a bit harsh and The Express suggest that if Bolton had been more adventurous we may have got something from the game. Maybe if Bolton want to know how to win games by grinding out a result they should look at Liverpool, if what the Observer suggests is true. The Indy quotes St Owen's opinion of the second goal as "Wherever that shot was going, it wasn't the net".

Now, remember those few days when Little Sam was in charge and all he could do was look for positives in every game? Have you forgotten? Look here. However, Little Sam, to his credit, was a doofus in front of the camera whereas St Owen knows what to say and how to say it. And he says to the crap website

The lads acquitted themselves well and showed their quality and their desire to do well. We have to pick ourselves up, take the positives and look forward to our next game.

So far, so Little Sam. However, he then says

I've been delighted with how they have gone about their business on the training ground because it takes hard work on the training ground for it to be replicated in matches.

This is more like it. The former manager (the other one, not Little Sam) would probably have come out with a quote akin to being anally raped by the supporters and then having his flaccid corpse thrown onto the track at Horwich Parkway.

He finally says

I've been delighted with how we went about ourselves.

Now, I go about myself once a week, purely on medical grounds. I hope he doesn't mean like that otherwise public decency issues come into play. This final sentence suggests he may still have to learn a little bit more about the soundbite, but I would like to think that he was probably just wanting to get the F out of Anfield, a shit heap that makes Moss Side look like Eden. If I was Liverpool I'd build a new stadium on the docks not the nearby Parkkkkkkk. Indeed, if I was Liverpool, I wouldn't build a new stadium in Liverpool.

Anyway, in view of Liverpool winning, tomorrow I have to go about cleaning the house so there may not be a post. Suffice to say, John Terry is a twat.

Got my fingers, got my toes...

2010-01-31T00:43:00.000Z

Here is a photo of some dirty scouser kicking Jussi in the head whilst scoring a goal. I'll admit, while this game was being shown on MOTD, I was helping Mrs X with some hiccups, so its best if I leave it until tomorrow when I can have a proper look on the unpartisan Goals on Sunday. I'm sure it wasn't some sort of ploy.

I Hate Scousers....

2010-01-29T15:22:00.001Z

..is something that Gary Neville would say. I naturally wouldn't, our Liverpudlian friends being one of the funniest, most loveable, law abiding members of the United Kingdom. It says here, on this note Mrs X left for me with the words "Put this on your blog or there's no Scouse for you tonight. Lar". And not scouse like that, get your mind out of the gutter.

As you can see from the above photo, Rafa Benitez is very excited about meeting Bolton at Anfield tomorrow, having won the last six games against us, even if the last one was won by a little bit of cheating. But that was B.C. (Before Coyle..keep up). The former BEN reports that St Owen is to "unleash" Weiss and Wilshere (as and when Wilshere actually signs, nothing official on that yet although the former BEN reports that he has in the same article), which does kind of make them sound like the Doberman that used to patrol the grounds of my old local in Manchester on a leash that was just long enough for it not to reach the road. It will be interesting to watch what they could do to a back line that consists of Carragher, Skrtel, Insua and Kyrgiakos, who aren't the most impressive defence Liverpool have ever had. Liverpool aren't exactly firing on all cylinders, almost as if someone has taken their wheels and put their Ford Escort on bricks. There is no Torres, only a good thing, Gerrard is hobbling, altough I say that now and he'll probably get two tomorrow, and they are having to survive on a forward line of N'Gog and Kuyt.

Living with a Liverpudlian, I do see at first hand the kind of emotional wringer they're going through at the moment, but just as no one outside of Bolton supporters could see why Megson had to go, it seems that no one outside of Liverpool supporters can see why Benitez has to stay and there are parallels. Just as T'Wanderers claiming thirteenth place last season wasn't the point with the fans, knowing that one good season does not a succesful manager make, especially as those that finished underneath us were just more dire, so Liverpool fans appreciate that a struggling season for them, in relative terms, does not make a bad manager. Benitez may have been caught by surprise by Spurs, Citeh and Villa making a challenge and Arsenal being ahead of Arse Vinegars curve but he wasn't the only one. His problem has been too many big game players going missing against smaller teams, see Wolves on Wednesday, and that is something that Bolton can exploit tomorrow. We were unfortunate not to get a win, never mind a draw, in September and if we play that way, with Jet Heels and As And When running at their defence, I can see a positive result. Even if it is 56 years since we won there. And at 50-1 on Betfair, I've gone for a 2-0 win. Appreciated, I do that every week.

Surprisingly, both Hansen and Lawro have gone for a Liverpool win (no news on Tommo yet but I can have a guess), as have the MEN. Well, its not like they recently lost to a Championship side is it? It is surprising to see that, so have Vital Bolton. Notwithstanding what was said above, I think a draw. Liverpool have good players and they must understand what Rafa means when he waves his hands around even if no one but McTaggart and Big Sam do. However if we play to potential I can see us put another nail in their Champions League coffin, which will cue some domestic violence in X Towers.

Until tomorrow, broken fingers allowing.

UPDATE: Obviously, just as I posted this, as and when became here and now. Welcome to Bolton Jack Wilshere. You'll never leave.

Can I have my spoon back?

2010-01-28T12:43:00.000Z

Usually, the transfer window is a big yawn fest for Bolton fans, lots of rumours that come to nothing and then a, supposed, last minute bid for Leroy Lita is all we've had for the past few years, bar the odd selling of a leading striker to Chelsea. Not so this year. With Vladimir Weiss and Stuart Holden already in the fold, moves are still afoot to bring Jack Wilshere in from Arsenal, even if some of our friends from Islington do not like the idea of him coming. At least he'll go back tougher.

According the the Mail, Bolton are interested in bringing in Aruna Dindane, who will not return to Portsmouth due to the money problems at Fratton Park. However, although it is mentioned at the top of the article that we are interested, it is not substantiated anywhere else, so I think we can forget that. Plus, do we really need another top heavy striker, we've already got two.

On the way out appears to be The Shitt, although that appeared to be the case earlier in the season when the former manager didn't want him and he still stayed. Good performances however in the African Cup of Nations have put him in the shop window, as they say. My local shop hasn't got a bargain bucket for unwanted crap in the window, and, in fact, no other shop that I know does, not even the 99p shop in Hayes out of which someone once ran after a bit of low rent shoplifting only to run straight into me, thereby earning a rather nasty graze to the forehead when I accidentally punched him. What I am saying, basically, is that we will pay the airfare to wherever it is he wants to go to take another vestige of the former regime out of the club. Even Oldham.

In other news, some of our inbred friends managed to get themselves arrested on Tuesday, possibly for bringing in a giant inflatable penis, whilst the Guardian quotes St Owen as saying that manager baiting is a social problem, the quote appearing underneath the photo of a Burnley fan who just appears to be a giant penis.

Locally (that's locally to Bolton, not locally to me otherwise this blog would be called Stick It Up Your Hammers, or something) both Holden and Weiss have been praising the virtues of Bolton Wanderers in the former BEN. Holden says:

"I consider myself a box-to-box midfielder and get myself up and down. I like to get on the ball and pass it, create things, and get forward"

while Weiss, who is described by the copy editor as "Jet Heeled" (bless), says of St Owen:

"He tries to play football and that’s what I like, so I think we’ll do really well at the club"

which kind of makes you want to get rid of The Shitt a bit quicker. Coyle himself said after Tuesday's game that he is "trying to bring in exciting players", and although we have already had a look at the differences since the former manager left, if you scoot over here (not yet, when I've finished) you will find a breakdown in the difference since Coyle took over. Not the same as my delightful prose, but you can't have everything.

Tomorrow, a look at the Liverpool game, which is one of only two times when there is discord in the X household. The other being when I hide her spoons. Until tomorrow, conde naz plinkton, as they say in my local. Their Eastenders, I can't be bothered trying to figure out what they're saying.

Tamir Cohen should tell him.

2010-01-27T10:55:00.000Z

It's a bit harsh of the Burnley fans to give St Owen the moniker "Judas". After all, he did get them out of the Championship and allowed them to bask in the glory of the Premiership, starting well and then going the same way as all small backwaters and getting a right dicking from the larger boys, including Bolton, before going back from whence they came, to do things with their brother's sheep. Or something.
You can see why they would bring in the relgious imagery. He has gone for more money (to spend) and he did tell them that he would do something and then did something else. And he may have kissed them as they knelt in the Garden of Gethsemane, but would have had to get in between them and their mothers. But the man obviously holds them in great regard, likes the town even though he probably won't be able to walk through its streets again, which is probably a good thing, and gave them the most success they have had since the 1960's. Judas? He should be given the keys to the town. Even if they are made out of pastry.
However, they aren't the only ones to get their religious history wrong. It was Joshua who led the Jews into Canaan after Moses had become too big for his boots. So, does that make Brian Laws the saviour of Burnley? Don't hold your breath. No, please don't.

Now that our former manager has departed the north west, we will be looking at the press reports in a different way. Previously we have looked at them through bleeding eyes after trying to claw them out with our bare hands as we could look no more. Now we are trying to resist the rose tinted glasses.

Phil McNulty at the BBC, who seems to have made Bolton a season long project, has noticed what seems to have bypassed many of our Burnley friends; if you continue to go on about Owen Coyle you won't have enough time to get behind your team. So leave it.

Obviously, depending on which paper you read, Bolton either deserved the win and played well or didn't. The Currant suggests that the football that was played was "far removed from the Gary Megson style that Bolton supporters grew to hate so much" whereas The Guardian suggests that Burnley were the better side in the first half, obviously deciding that as a northern paper it has to be on the side of the most northerly team. But really, most of the papers concentrate on the fact that this was St Owen's first game against Burnley. Now that that is over, maybe we can concentrate on football, hmmm?

Otherwise it appears that, even after St Owen and Mr Whinger had a head to head after the double header last week when Mark Davies took a header to the floor after William Gallas tried to remove his leg from his head (eh?), Bolton will be taking Jack Wilshere on loan for the rest of the season. With Valdimir Weiss joining on loan from Citeh, if this deal comes off, and Bolton can probably offer Wilshere more first team football than his other suitors West Ham which Winegear will be asking for, we will have two exciting midfielders who could do a lot of good to get us further up the table. This may mean that Matty Taylor, who apparently played well last night, and Tamir Cohen, who may have been living off his early season goals for a bit too long, will be looking over their shoulder. It may also mean a move to a more permanent 4-4-2, which is what we are all looking for. As long as we win. Now, if only we could evoke the spirit of the late nineties and gazump West Ham and Spurs for Eidur.

Just joking kids. As always, I will say until tomorrow and hope to be here.

Regeneration: Part II

2010-01-26T17:37:00.001Z

Aah, if there was anything that underlined the difference between the former and the present management, problems over who is the goalkeeping coach notwithstanding, it was this interview on Goals on Sunday over the weekend that severely underlined it. From the start of the interview he whinged, bent the truth and, if any more mind making up was needed, showed exactly why the fans didn't like him and why it was best that we parted company.
Now, let us get something straight. Again. If there was a choice between Little Sam and Mr Megson it is the latter that I would rather have in charge of my team but that is akin to asking with what blunt surgical instrument would you like your knackers to be removed. Yes we all know we were below Derby and on five points when he came in (even though Chris Kamara obviously didn't), yawn yawn yawn. The bit where he says that a fan rang into a show to complain about letting a goal in in a 4-1 away victory shows a like of understanding of irony that is the equal to our friends in middle America. His complete misunderstanding of the fans upset at going all the way to Lisbon to watch a side that they can watch on a Wednesday evening up at Leyland shows that he never really tried to bring the fans onside as maybe an apology at the time wouldn't have replenished their bank accounts but may have gone some way to appeasing them. Eight million for Elmander and he would have still signed him? Really? Nothing against Elmander, who does run around a lot to little effect, but he was brought into the club as a striker, not as someone who is "just not one of these people who gets goal upon goal upon goal". And then he bitches about being put on gardening leave and getting a guaranteed payment of more than I'll make in my life for the next year. Oh, and stuck somewhere in the interview is the bit about only playing seventeen players in the Premiership last year. Here Gary, look at this and tell me why it says twenty four played.

So there I was going to do this big thing about the differences between the GSO and St Owen. But I thought that would insult your intelligence.

Assassination attempt!!!!

2010-01-21T09:08:00.000Z

Arriving home last night I intended to update Wikipedia, as is my wont in my, some may say anal, life but found myself unable to after reading this edit. A better bit of prose to sum up the tackle I cannot imagine. It shows up the two facedness of Arsene Whinger, who would have quite happily killed Martin Taylor a couple of seasons back but last night was just counting the tackles from either side, as if that makes Gallas' tackle legal.

But don't let that fool you into thinking that Bolton deserved to get anything out of last night's game. 2-0 up after 43 minutes I made the mistake of leaving my seat early to get to the bar before Fat Frank and has naked stomach. Standing next the the actor Nicholas Gleaves (you'd know him if you saw him) I heard the Rosicky goal go in and we shared a look, both knowing that a loss was on the way. I don't quite know what Jussi was thinking when the ball left Rosicky's boot but I don't imagine for one second that he thought the ball was going anywhere near the goal due to his cat like reactions to it. That would be a cat that has been dead for a couple of weeks and is stinking underneath the floorboards.

It shows the paucity of the squad that the GSO left St. Owen that the best that could be offered in the substitution of little Davies was The Badger, who immediately managed to get himself booked. After that Arsenal just picked us off at leisure, although both goals could have been stopped if someone had managed to get a foot in. SuperKev did well in his lone striker role but Ivan had little chance to impose himself on the game when he came on for Lee. However, we knew that Coyle would and could not change the way the team played overnight and SuperKev is still our best outlet, but the way that we played to go two goals up was better than I have seen live in a long time. Oh, and you couldn't hear the Arsenal fans until the third goal.

So, into the cup weekend and a win against Sheffield United would go a long way to kickstarting the season. Hopefully a full strength(ish) side will be played to give them the idea of what beating a team feels like before the Dingles come to town. And that, friends, will be tasty.

Regeneration: Part I

2010-01-20T15:56:00.000Z

It will not have escaped your attention that over the Christmas period one person left their position as the nation's favourite and was immediately replaced by someone else. Many a tear was shed nationwide as a radiation riddled Doctor went through that regeneration thingy. But this isn't a Dr Who fan site.

However, the imagery when it comes to Bolton Wanderers could be regarded as apposite. Our own regeneration happened over Christmas, a man, literally dead on his feet, was gone and was replaced by a fresher, younger outlook. Both sent to their fate due to the actions of a man with blonde hair. OK, John Simm's was dyed and Gavin McCann is only half blonde, but you get the point. And neither wanted to go. The Doctor said so and our manager may have seen it coming but certainly wasn't saying so in the interviews he gave after the Hull game. Of course, there the similarities end. Many didn't want to see The Doctor go and are now wondering where that will leave the franchise in the hands of a relatively untested actor. In Bolton's case......

Tomorrow, we'll look at the Coyle effect and how it has already transformed the club, the fans and the players. But today we will look at the reign of Gary Megson, the Ginger Mourinho or, as we called him at The Towers, the Ginger Special One (GSO).

It would be fair to say, to paraphrase Bill Shakespeare, that I come here to bury Gary, not to praise him. Bury him deep, like nuclear waste with a 10,000 year half life with no hope of it being seen this side of the apocalypse. It has been said a hundred times in the past couple of years that we didn't want him and that the people that Fat Phil said "know the game" didn't actually include any Bolton fans (or Leicester or Notts Forest fans for that matter). A smattering of good results, beating Stretford for example, getting a good result in Munich and taking the club further in Europe than Big Sam were all good points that he never seemed to be able to capitilise on. The debacle in Lisbon and the capitulation to Wigan three days later put a nail in his coffin that he could never get out. Fair, he kept the club up after the Sammy Lee farago but at the same time alienated fans favourites (Stelios, Campo, Diouf), couldn't put a reign on Kev Nolan's weight gain and didn't get half as much for Anelka that he could have. He bought badly, for every Cahill, a Rasiak and a Paul Robinson, for every Lee Chung-Yong a badly misplayed Elmander or Danny Shittu. I mean, Danny Shittu. That's £2million of your money that you'll never see again.

It seems almost surreal now that at the last Bolton game I went to, in the league cup at Chelsea, fans were singing his name. (What do you mean part time supporter? you aren't saving up for a 4 week honeymoon in the USA.) However that started the downward spiral that saw him gone. Bad tactics, bad substitutions, bad hair and a bad attitude led to his dismissal. He still pops up, spouting off the same "below Derby" "used 18 players in a season" (NO, YOU F'ING DIDN'T!!!), less money than others (but more than Big Sam) gubbins, but it is fair to say that he won't be missed at T'Reebok. And they put him on gardening leave, as he couldn't agree a compensation package. God he must hate us.

It's not like I wish the man dead or anything, I'm sure his family love him. In Sheffield, where he lives. And he will be back but at the level that he should be at, not managing in the rarefied atmosphere of The Premiership. I'm sure Altrincham are looking for a coach.

The Joys of Friendly Debate.

2010-01-19T16:37:00.000Z

Mrs X said to me when I started this blog that I would never have the hope of keeping it going regularly, what with a full time job saving London from eating itself, plus planning our wedding and trying to keep my Mrs X Snr. from coming down every weekend. And it looks like she was right, bearing in mind how long it has taken since the last entry below, plus the fact the even the ~~dismissal~~ year long gardening leave bestowed upon the GSO and the appointment of St. Owen could not get me onto the keyboard. However, at the moment The Towers are open and we will be giving our not unknowledgable opinion of what happened over the Christmas period tomorrow. Suffice to say, we had a grin that could eat shit.

But for God's sake, aren't Arsenal a bunch of poor winners. Moaning about kicking, pulling of hair, leaning on people's necks, Fabregas not getting a penalty, the list goes on, and on. However look at any press report and nothing is mentioned of it, not even by the employers of Stan "Bolton are rotten to the core" Collymore, the Mirror. They even took over the board on the BBC 606 to tell Bolton fans how awful our team are. All of this is not new to those of us who look back fondly on Martin Keown's own goal and Lehmann's jitters whenever he played at T'Reebok. We get it, Arsenal hardly had an answer to Bolton for a few years and usually blamed it on a physicalness that they didn't have an answer for even though that usually only came from one man and a man whose attributes their captain, one Mr T. Henry Esq., once opined that he would like to bring into his game. And their players are not as squeaky clean as their fans think they are; Rosicky on Sunday wasn't as bad as the time Flamini tried to take Ricky off at the knee at The Library but was still worthy of more than a yellow card.

I'll be there tomorrow night, trying to avoid the spittle that usually reigns down from our North London friends seated above us. I'd take a brolly, but even though I live in the smoke, I'm still northern.

NEWSFLASH! Not only the Bolton News does lazy journalism.

2009-12-10T16:12:00.000Z

Overnight, the man on your left temporarily became public enemy number three (behind the GSO and Gill Fartslime). His name is David Anderson and he wrote this piece in yesterday's Daily Mirror, in which he backed Mugson to get T'Wanderers out of the mire (whilst failing to mention that it was Gaz who has put us in the mire). Showing a complete lack of research he calls the fans "malcontents", talks about the selling of Anelka (who wanted to leave) and Fat Kev (who was fat) like it was an excuse to put Bolton in the situation we are in, mentions the reduced budget (you know, the one that has been increased) and says that he can't wait to see the faces of the boo-boys when we get relegated after he has been sacked. Well, my face will probably be like that of a crack addict who has scored for the first time in a week, as long as he goes. He naturally fails to mention Robinson, Knight, Elmander, Ricketts, Rasiak, the continuous playing of the Badger, the tactics, the bigging up of the opposition, the slagging off of the fans and the rapidly reducing attendance figures. Thank you Mr Anderson. If I actually bought The Mirror, I would stop.

If he actually wanted an idea of what Bolton fans have to put up with, he should really look no further than his press conference where our favourite manager says "In order to get out of this position we need to get in better players, better than we have got and better than the ones we would replace." This sounds similar to the clap trap that he pushed out last year before bringing in the players that he did. Which worked out well.

In other news, the Bolton PR machine has cranked out Super Kev to talk about getting a result on Saturday against Citeh, mentioning that when T'Wanderers were in a similar position last year we played the Council House Tenants and won. Ah, yes. That would be the Citeh who didn't have Shay Given in net, Lescott, Adebayor, Barry, Bellamy, Tevez etc. And the the manager himself does his usual trick and, you guessed it, bigs up the opposition. NURSE! PASS THE NEEDLE!

We failed to notice yesterday that in the article where Megson Speaks, Matt Taylor drops the info that the nickname for Lee Chung-Yong at the club is.....Chungy. Now, if the club cannot come up with a better nickname than that then surely it proves that there is no imagination at the club, either on or off the pitch.

In other news, Hansen surprisingly backs Citeh , Lofty says "Don't Drink and Drive at Xmas",especially if your a back flipping comedy lion and VitalQPR suggest Little Fergie is holding out for the Bolton job so won't go for theirs (at least he'll have Christmas off so the kids can play with their doddering old Grandpa).

A trip back north beckons for The Towers this weekend, although its boozing, not football that drags us back to the homeland. Until next time, as Arnie would say, stay frosty.

You're fooling no-one you know..?

2009-12-09T15:10:00.000Z

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday have come and almost gone and still nothing has come out of the club about the expected termination of the GSO's contract. But, as Mrs X said to me last night, albeit in a scouse accent, what do you expect? It is now painfully obvious that even a loss to Citeh on Saturday will not release Gary's limpet like grasp on the job. In fact, we envision him being there for the game against Hull on December 29 and then, and only then, will the board make some kind of decision on his fate. Makes sense, even if it's nonsense. Why can't he do a Jim Magilton and smack Ricardo Gardner in the face while shouting "Rice and Peas" at the top of his voice?

Anyway, early reports this week suggest that a major PR exercise has been implemented down at T'Reebok as first Gary "Gaz" Cahill and then Matty "Matt" Taylor bigged up the boss with Gaz suggesting the bleeding obvious, that one win would lift the team and then Matt confirming what we all knew, that the GSO has a thick skin, broad shoulders and has "bought the tee shirt" in terms of management (although that has obviously never equated to winning anything). Hang on. Thick skin? Broad shoulders? Ginger Hair? Engandered species? Isn't that an orangutan?

Man of the people Tony "Tony" Kelly has also given his two pence worth by trying not to stick up for anybody, but failing miserably. Obviously not seeing the same game as everybody else did, the suggestion that Bolton chased the game after Wolves scored is nothing short of inspired comedy, seeing as how they battered T'Wanderers for the first 45 minutes, as anybody who had their ear on the commentary whilst turning the volume up when Chris Kamara turned up on the TV would tell you.

And after all this bigging up of the boss, what does the man himself say? Stop talking, start playing. So, the players say something one day, the manager tells them to put their words into action the next and we are supposed to think that the timing of these articles went unplanned? Purrrrllleeaaasse.

In other news not coming from the ~~official mouthpiece~~ Bolton News, Citeh stroll up to T'Reebok on Saturday suffering from a case of swine flu or two. Well, two. Craig Bellamy, first choice striker, multi tattoed behemoth of being a twat, and Valdimir Weiss (no, me either but he could probably score twice from his sick bed like Big Sam did last month) have fallen prey to the illness that if you were a real man like yours truly you would have got in the summer. However, even with this one and half men missing we should still get a spanking.

According to the Lib Dems, who have to do something due to never winning an election, Bolton rank in the top four for football affordability alongside a couple of Dingles and Sunderland. However, as many will tell you, you get what you pay for, and I'm sure that fans of Bolton will happily pay more to get some entertainment. I went to the Royal Albert Hall on Monday to see the Bootleg Beatles. Good crowd, great atmosphere, £18 ticket. However, to go and see the real thing I've had to pay £120 to see Paul Macca at T'O2 in a couple of weeks. While the Bootleg's were good value, it's nothing like seeing the better version. Do you see my point? Oh,and apparently, the beer at Chelski costs more than anywhere else, but when I went it was a nice pint with friendly staff, unlike the stuff you get in the Lofthouse Lower served to you by someone who was released from Stangeways last week. Not to ram home my point or anything.

'til tomorrow, fellow anarchists.

A bad dream.

2009-12-07T14:33:00.001Z

If, like me, you woke up in the vain hope that the GSO had departed T'Reebok, a) what the hell are you doing up at 5am? I have to get to work in London, you probably don't and b) tough fing sheet. He's still there, still bleating out excuses and still blaming everyone but himself when it is clear to even my dead Irish Grandma who never saw a game of football in her life that it is the tactical genius that is Gary Megson that has put us in this place. This time next week we will undoubtedly be ~~below Derby~~ where he found us, more points from safety than we were when Little Sam got the tin tac.

It is always a dichotomy when you want your manager sacked but you want your team to win. Listening to the game on Saturday on the official website (that's Wolves' official website, co-commentator, value for money rather than Bolton's dour, rose tinted, by himself commentator) once the second goal had gone in, a wry smile formed on my lips, the thought that we wouldnt't have to put up with this drivel for much longer warming my heart. Then Elmander scored. Bastard! What do I do now? Everytime I heard the mention of Klasnic swivelling my desperation increased, not only when he missed again and we couldn't get a goal, which I wanted, but that he hadn't got a goal and the GSO was closer to being booted down the M61. It's an awful experience and is down to one man. No guesses.

So, to the papers.

Bolton should have buried the game by the time Megson did the bleeding obvious thing and decided to play two up front, bringing on Johan Elmander with 20 minutes to go. Even a blind man could see that Bolton needed to play two up front from the off. Thank you The Currant.

Bolton have now gone six games without a win and if the vitriol from both sets of fans was anything to go by, Megson is under increasing pressure. even if he has become used to it. 'I am not fearful for my job,' he said. The Nazi. I should be if I were you.

I wonder how long Gary Megson's got left at Bolton. Do you want that in hours, minutes or seconds Stan Collymore? The Mirror

Megson insisted he did not fear the result had pushed him closer to the sack, saying: “People talk about pressure, but there are three million people unemployed in this country.” Gary getting his sums wrong again but whatever figure it currently is, it will be plus one soon enough. The Express.

Bolton are compared to Black Adder Goes Forth (but not as funny) The Times

Bolton’s manager, Gary Megson, similarly harbours a desire to scramble through games rather than play decorative football. And fails. The Tory.

Bolton Wanderers' failure to do so (close Mikijas down) on Saturday cost them a goal and ultimately the game and, if their travelling supporters had anything to do with it, it would also cost their manager, Gary Megson, his job. Dear Santa, what I really want for Christmas is..... The Guardian.

Though Gary Megson is close to chairman Phil Gartside, the team's downward spiral must be prompting boardroom concern. I was always under the impression he slept in a box at the end of the bed. The Indy.

The sharpening of knives could be heard in both camps before the game, but at the end they were being pointed squarely at Gary Megson. The Screws.

After this match I feel that Megson is history. Shaun O'Gara in The Observer.

While Megson is convinced he has the players and the know-how to do just that, and reverse his side’s slide down the table, the number of people who agree with him is dwindling with each passing week. Some surprising negativity from The Former B.E.N.

Gary Megson's tenure as Bolton boss hangs by a thread after his team served up another dismal display at fellow strugglers Wolves. The M.E.N.

And the averages

Jussi 6.63
Steinsson 6.38
Cahill 5.92
AOB 5.47
JLS 5.02
LCY 6.20
Ricky 5.78
Badger 5.18
Cohen 5.31
Matty T 5.65
Klasnic 6.06

Elmander 5.68

Meaning the man of the match, for the nth time, is Jussi and the player who should be carrying the manager's suitcases for him is Jlloyd. However, he wasn't bad enough for Robinson to come back.

A death in the family...

2009-12-04T13:41:00.001Z

...but that's not really an excuse for not writing for a month.

AH HA! And you thought I meant our beloved manager and his team. Not quite, although at the moment the life support is on and the emergency recuss unit is standing by. As someone said somewhere over the past few weeks, "It's like seeing a loved one slowly ebbing away.".

So now that X Towers has reopened and I have come out from behind the cushion, I can honestly say that it feels like a continuous nightmare at the moment supporting a team that appears to be fading fast. A good result at Fulham notwithstanding, the horror shows at Villa and at home to Chelsea and Blackburn have placed us in the position that if we don't get a result at Wolves tomorrow the only thing keeping us off the bottom is the bigger horror show down on the south coast. At the end of October fans were chanting Megson's name down at the Bridge, now it appears ever more ironic.

It may have been expected to lose to Chelsea and Villa, good teams both, but Blackburn were so woeful away from home it just didn't make sense to revert to The Badger in the middle of the park, at the expense of Lee or Little Davies. Blackburn were there for what must have been the taking but we basically gave Blackburn the game. Thank you Mr Ricketts. It would appear the Big Sam can beat us from his hospital bed.

And talking of the lack of defence, it occurred to many Bolton fans about, ooohhh, last June that the problems that Bolton had weren't at the back, they were at the front and in the middle of the park, so bringing in three unneeded defenders who weren't wanted at their previous clubs, two of which were the relegated West Bromwich Albion and the almost relegated and pre season relegation favourites Hull City. Stefan Dennis managed only three games before being benched, Sam Ricketts managed a bit longer before not understanding what it means when the keeper shouts "KEEPERS BALL" in a Finnish/Lancastrian accent and it took Zat Knight to score two own goals before the GSO decided he may have made a mistake there. That's about £10million of your money (if you include the fee paid to West Brom). Add on the £8.2million for Elmander and that's a lot of money that we aren't getting back.

So, we look to tomorrow in trepidation but hope that SuperKev being banned might make the GSO to change things around. Again, our opponents are there for the taking. So the Towers would be looking at the following formation:
Jussi - Steinsson, Cahill, AOB, Samuel - Lee, Little Davies, Cohen, Gardner - Kidneys, Elmander.

Although we won't.

So, our predictions for tomorrow:

1. Someone to mention "A Tale of Two Wanderers"
2. Someone to ask whether Bolton "Will miss their talisman, Kevin Davies".
3. Little Davies to get roundly booed.
4. A 1-1 draw.
5. Both teams to be at least 5 points from safety by Sunday night.

We predict a riot.....

2009-10-30T22:18:00.000Z

Look to your left. It's some bloke scoring for Chelsea on Wednesday. Expect to see some more of that tomorrow.

There is no getting round it. Yes, Bolton have some players back tomorrow. Chelsea have a team, excepting Joe Cole. Bolton's defence is as shaky as a Rowntree's jelly in a high wind that's being shaken by Giant Haystack's ghost and Drogba and Anelka will probably get a couple, each.

There, that's sorted out the need to worry about underestimation.

We predict:

1. Bolton to win 2-0. In my dreams tonight.

2. Anelka to pull that daft celebration of his. Twice.

3. No singing of "Megson, Megson, give us a wave". At any point. Well, I won't be there to lead them, will I?

4. Bolton's two attacks to not make MOTD.

5. Ancelotti, Terry and Lampard to all say "You know what you'll get with Bolton". Oh piss off.

Bait your breath, til tomorrow.

Our on the spot reporter with an on the spot report.

2009-10-29T13:49:00.000Z

HEINKEKEN COSTS £3.50 PER PINT AT STAMFORD BRIDGE. PERSON WHO LIVES IN LONDON UNSURPRISED.

Yes, it's true, the price of a pint of lager at the game last night was £3.50. Which is about as much as I pay down the local for a pint of Fosters. Which, for once, makes something at Chelsea underpriced.

As for the game, if that is what people think is an improvement then I would genuinely have hated to see the Sunderland and Stoke games. OK, I appreciate that players have to be rested, Jussi and SuperKev are quite possibly the most important players in the team and I know that Big Sam rested players in the year we got to the final, but Lee and Cohen have played themselves into the team and we are still at the beginning of the season. This was a big game, a chance to put one over a big four side and we had a chance, albeit slim, of making it to Wembley. A wasted opportunity.

Of the players who came in, Al-Habsi could have possibly done better with a couple of goals, little Davies was non-existent and Steinsson was rightly taken off at half time. Only Kidneys seemed to be up for the game. As for the regular starters, I can only say yes, Zat Knight really is that crap.

However the fans were excellent, a lot of standing went on with a lot of stewards not earning their money. The Chelsea fans were outsung, which isn't hard as they didn't sing at all. As my season ticket holding, Chelsea supporting mucker, who didn't go to the game but met in the pub afterwards said: "Tourists".

As for the manager, it did feel quite surreal being 3-0 down and singing his name. Irony or truth, you be the judge.

As for the papers:

Gary Megson's team were never at the races. The Currant

Bolton's damage-limitation exercise had clearly not worked The Mirror

Chelsea never looked like missing out on a place in the last eight of the Carling Cup. The Nazi

This comfortable rolling over of hapless Bolton. The Express

Bolton offered little resistance. The Tory

Chelsea show class in easing way past Bolton’s pussycats. The Times

There was something almost contemptuous about the way they dismissed Bolton last night. The Indy

This was a breeze. The Granuiad

Forget swine flu - Bolton were caught cold by a bad dose of Kalou at Stamford Bridge. The M.E.N.

On this evidence, Wanderers might well be pig sick of the sight of Chelsea by the end of the week. The former B.E.N.

Bless the local papers to bring in a bit of comedy....anyway to today's guest publication:

They were able to sweep Bolton aside, without playing at full pelt. The London Free Paper (formerly The Standard)

Finally, and in the current spirit of entente cordiale, a quick word from the GSO:

“The fans were terrific, full stop. It was 4-0 and they were still singing, and we need that."

Fence repairing a-go-go.

Until sometime tomorrow, fellow masochists.

Chelski 'B' v Bolton.

2009-10-28T14:16:00.000Z

To The Bridge tonight to watch T'Wanderers play a version of Chelsea that is probably not worth the £20 ticket price, except maybe Joe Cole. (Note to burglars in the East London area, Mrs X will be patrolling The Towers, so don't try it). Of little doubt is that The Reebok's favourite Muslim convert ex player won't be playing, although that won't stop those who have made the free trip down from Horwich singing his name.

Talking about the game in ~~The Sycophant~~ Bolton News, Gary "Gaz" Cahill says, bearing in mind the game at T' Reebok on Saturday

"We have got them again on Saturday, so we’ll know all about them by then."

Well, we'll know about Joe Cole.

Also taking to the ~~Bolton Wanderers Inhouse Publication~~ former BEN, SuperKevin Davies says

"They are playing really well and maybe they’ll change a few players"

Like ten of them.

And to complete the set, the GSO has bigged up the opposition, as per usual, in this case saying about Carlo Ancelotti.

"He isn’t one of these managers who shouts from the rooftops how wonderful he is. He just gets on with a really good job. He’s a class act."

Which would mean that, after his comments on Friday, Gaz considers himself an under class.

Swine Flu alert in the London Lite last night. No, not an alert to the fact that some of Bolton's player have/had the virus, but a cunning pun on those of our London cousins who may not be aware of T'Wanderers nickname.

So, how does The Towers feel about the game. There is a definite chance here, a full team shoud be able to stick it up a Chelsea reserve side. They're certainly not a bad side, they wouldn't be playing for Chelsea if they were, and hands should be snapped off if they came up for sale. However, they aren't a side like Trafford's reserve side and we expect a victory, although probably in extra time, which may make the price of the ticket worthwhile. 3-2 anyone.

Finally, a quick word for another Bolton blog, affiliated to The Offside. A match report without watching the match and actually playing rugby? Some of us dragged ourselves out of bed on Monday morning after a night shift to watch the repeat of Football First. Some people are just part time.

Gary Megson IS a football genius.

2009-10-26T16:02:00.000Z

And not just because he says so. Well, alright, maybe it is partly because he says so but results don't lie and we are glad to say that this weeks ABM-(Anyone But Megson)-O-Meter lies at a healthy 68%. As in, 68% of the time I still don't want him managing my club. Better than the 120% it was two months ago.

Whilst lying in some sort of stupor and keeping up with yesterday's game on the BBC website I could not but help notice that the words Jaaskelainen and Save were mentioned in the same sentence quite a lot. It would appear therefore that some sort of defensive cover is needed, or he could just save money and put last seasons back four together again.

So, after the praise of last week, how did Monday's papers reflect yesterday's game?

Bolton set the tone by attacking from the off. They could have been two up in five minutes as their route-one approach carved chances for Tamir Cohen and Kevin Davies. The Currant

OK then......

There was an air of inevitability that they would concede and Bolton made the breakthrough with a patient and well-executed goal. The Mirror

Far more like it....

It was not the first time Moyes’ side had been caught out by a typically direct Bolton attack. The Nazi

Errr....?

Bolton Wanderers' stubborn victory over Everton The Tory

(On the first goal) It was no more than Bolton deserved. The Times

Gary Megson completed two years as Bolton's manager, and for most of that time he has been about as popular as flatulence in a lift. The Guardian, as always, gets to the truth.

Of course, the one thing they all focused on was that Ivan Klasnic has had two kidney transplants (although The Times mentions the spitting at John Terry but misses the probability that the virtuous Terry punched Klasnic in the lower back.). Now that he has scored his first goal, let's hope that that is the last time we hear about it. Doubtful, especially if he scores in one of the two Chelski games this week.

Bolton v Everton - Our predictions

2009-10-23T16:53:00.000+01:00

1. The game not to get a mention during any part of "Super Sunday"

2. MOTD2 to mention that the GSO and Diddy David Moyes have the same hair colour.

3. MOTD2 to focus primarily on what is going wrong at Goodison at the moment due to the....

4. 2-1 loss they will suffer.

5. Sections of the crowd to start singing "Ginger Mourinho" again. The GSO to brand them as "tossers".

Elsewhere On The Web.

2009-10-23T16:42:00.000+01:00

Gary Megson is not a tranfer genius Vital

Everton may be torn a new one on Sunday The Wanderer

Bolton are after more defenders. (Surely we have enough to put out two teams of defenders?) BWFC24

Riga's Off Burnden Aces

Hello, my name is Gary O'Cahill

2009-10-20T17:37:00.000+01:00

When it comes to players on the edge of the England squad, Bolton have had their fair share over the past couple of years. Fat Kev was almost always the pundits bet to be in squads leading up to the 2006 World Cup (Jermaine Jenas went) and SuperKev and Gary Cahill were in the long list in the early days of Fabio's reign and now Gary has made it into the squad and it can only be a matter of time before he gets his first cap, especially as Lescott has shown he's not worth the price tag and it has been found that the best defender at West Ham was Collins and not Upson not that Collins is at West Ham. So, while one could explain why FatKev may want to jump to the Oirish Republic and Trigger McAteer did fifteen odd years go, there would be no reason for the ~~third behind Terry and Rio~~ second best central defender in the country to move nationalities. The good old Mirror, even why they have something nice to say about Bolton, they get it wrong.

Man of the people, Tony Kelly, is making it known what a big hearted guy the GSO is. Speaking the bleeding obvious, Tony states that many supporters haven't taken the GSO to their hearts over the past two years (for many, read most) but that attitude may be changing. While we at the Towers know only too well that one swallow does not make a spring, we also know how a few good results can change the perception of a manager. I mean, when Rafa gets the boot and skulks back to Spain come next Summer for missing out on the Champions League by three points, many will say "alright, he won the European Cup but he didn't push on from there" forgetting the beach ball incident. We all have short memories, but many Bolton fans will take some time to forget the GSO's constant sniping at us, even if Tony asks him for a few favours now and then. If the GSO keeps this form up, good. But we did this well last November and there were still calls for him to go at the beginning of this season, and not only from this keyboard. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. If we continue to play the way we are doing then he will win over more fans. Go back to the tactics of the beginning of the season and beware the turning of the fan.

Megson loses 40th game as Bolton manager...

2009-10-19T13:44:00.000+01:00

...but at the moment it is all sunshine and fluffy clouds down Burnden Way. Unbeaten, and deservedly so between international breaks and, despite that fact that Trafford United should have been out of sight by the time Matty Taylor scored, a decent enough performance on Saturday. Whether this has something to do with the previously discussed managerial foresight or signs that the manager actually may listen to voices other than the ones in his head are unknown at this point.

We here at the Towers are happy to admit that we fall into the ABM (Anyone But Megson) camp (although we will probably now add John Barnes to that list) but the reintroduction of Jlloyd on the left, giving Matty more of a licence to run and not worry what Stefan Dennis is doing behind him, and Lee and Cohen coming up with the goods when with the first you would have thought that it could take until the New Year for him to bed in and with the latter the twelfth of never, appears to have given the team a new lease of life. That this was due to Sean Davis' injury should not be overlooked but the GSO could just have easily played The Badger on Saturday and sent out a team like last year that, according to some of the X's Man U supporting friends, was one of the worst they had seen.

Reports in the weekends papers seem to suggest that, after the Lee,Cohen,Davies goal against Spurs, they are ready to rethink their reporting:

When can you last remember United taking a convincing 2-0 lead into the break and ending up hanging on to win? The Currant

Yet to focus on United's shortcomings would be unfair on Bolton The Mirror

Davies belied his reputation as a bricks and mortar centre-forward with a beautifully-curled cross on to the head of Taylor The Homophobe (because we're nothing if not topical)

Bolton served notice, however, of their ability to inflict a black eye on any team who take them lightly this season. The Tory

Manchester United tiptoed almost apologetically to the top of the Premier League The Times

To those who watched only the first hour of this game...it would be absurd to suggest that Bolton deserved anything other than a thrashing. And yet, while United regained the summit of the Premier League, they did so wheezing and more out of breath than seemed possible. The Granuiad

Suddenly, it was all Bolton and their strong finish could so easily have extended an unbeaten run that stretched back five league games. The Observer.

AND FINALLY.....FAT MIKE WATCH
Having managed to get his previous manager fired by holding and giving but not at the right time and continually failing to beat them by getting round the back, Fat Mike was on the subs bench in Tranmere's defeat to Stocky County on Monday but was not trusted to attempt to get them back in the game. Come Saturday he wasn't even on the bench, leading you, me and every other Bolton fan who wishes Mr Ricketts well in his career to presume he'll be offering his fat ass to another down on their luck club come January.

Haitus...

2009-10-08T15:17:00.000+01:00

This blog is currently on hiatus but will return after the international break. Dear reader. Literally.

Damn....!

2009-09-28T15:22:00.000+01:00

Well, didn't see that coming. A tactical masterstroke by the Ginger Genius and all of a sudden T'Wanderers are up to tthirteenth. That's right, away from the relegation zone. (This placement dependent on West Ham and Citeh tonight). Lovely little flick by Lee, commented on by approximately no-one on the MOTD sofa. Spoke about Villa-Blackburn. Oh yes. But, and probably because the producer got a nose bleed from putting Bolton on fourth on Saturday night, neither Hansen nor the ex-tache commented on it.

Anyway, your averages:

Jussi 6.476
Ricketts 6.188
Cahill 7.696
Knight 6.706
JLS 5.934
Ricky 5.476
Muamba 6.112
Cohen 6.522
Matty 6.362
SuperKev 6.612
Kidneys 5.588

Badger 5.15
Lee 7.02

Thereby making Gary Cahill, undoubtedly the third best central defender in the country, the man of the match. Harshly, Ricky G gets the brickbats. Let's hope this isn't a precursor to him being dropped. Although it probably is.

Predictions: Birmingham City v Bolton Wanderers

2009-09-26T07:17:00.000+01:00

1. 4-5-1? Oh, go on then.
2. Bolton to score first and then to mount a serious back to the walls effort to keep Birmingham out for 88mins.
3. This to fail within four minutes.
4. Final score: 1-1
5. Sean Davis to get booked even though he is nowhere near the ground.

The New Winston Bogarde

2009-09-17T15:05:00.000+01:00

You will possibly remember Winston Bogarde, the man who Chelsea paid £40,000 per week for four years, even though he only played eleven games for them and they consistently tried to offload him, demoting him to train with the youth team.Bogarde has stated that he did not leave as he was earning so much money. Well, step forward Danny Shittu, arguably Bolton's fourth choice central defender, after Cahill, AOB and Stefan Dennis (yes, he's that good). It has been made clear to him that he can leave and what must be 100% of football fans have no idea why he was bought in the first place as he is obviously out of his depth in the Premiership. The Shit, however, has different ideas, and has refused a loan to Championship high flyers, Sheffield United, stating that he does not want to take the step down (read "I'm earning more money here than I would there). It may be argued that the top of the Championship is too good a level for Mr. Shit and we strongly urge him to take the move, otherwise the next time we see him he could be running out as a team mate of Fat Mike. Wherever he ends up next.

Ode to an one their way defender.

2009-09-15T23:34:00.000+01:00

So Goodbye To You
Danny Shittu
You Were Very Poor
So You're Being Shown The Door

Oh gone all, we all knew this would happen.

2009-09-14T20:52:00.000+01:00

Internet Malfunctions. Who needs them?
If we had been able to get on the internet on Friday, here would be our predictions for Saturday's game.

1. Bolton to win 2-1, giving the GSO five more games.
2. Matty Taylor to score at least one of them.
3. Tal Ben Haim to show why he should never have left.
4. That bloke with the bell to get right on everyone's tits, even though we only watched it on MOTD.
5. The press to write solely about the problems at Portsmouth in both the Sunday and Monday papers.

Well, 4 out of 5 ain't bad.

We would have put our usual spin on the headlines but as the above states, the only thing the papers were interested in talking about was the problems at Portsmouth. At least the word "dire" didn't appear once when talking about T'Wanderers. Which makes a refreshing change.

YOUR AVERAGES

Jussi 6.18
Ricketts 5.76
Knight 5.87
Cahill 7.19
JLS 5.88
Steinsson 6.66
Son of Avi 6.45
Little Davies 6.07
Muamba 6.61
Taylor 5.91
Super Kev 6.17

The Spitter 5.44
The Badger 5.17
Basham 5.22

Man of the Match then was Gary Cahill. We at the Towers feel that he is about a season too late for the World Cup. Because, you know, Upson is the third best central defender in the country.
A discarded roll from the Eastlands to be thrown at Sam Ricketts.

Now, is it too much to hope that we have found a new position for Gretar?

Til tomorrow masochists.

The New El Hadji Diouf.

2009-09-10T17:22:00.001+01:00

Many congratulations for last night. No, not the England team, fantastic result and all, but for Ivan Klasnic for evoking the ~~spit~~ spirit of our late and lamented Senegal striker and gobbing near John Terry. We at the Towers are not ones to condone this sort of thing, but when it comes to John "Englishmen don't dive, don't understand why we've been banned from buying players, pisses on dancefloors, mum's a shoplifter" Terry, we think pot, kettle, black. Whilst we appreciate that he is the English captain he was the best of a bad bunch that included Rio Ferdinand (please, was anyone serious about that?), Stevie G. (before his court case) and the man who had already relinquished the role once. Can't remember his name but he goes out with a Spice Girl. Anyway, just to say that this motley crew cannot hold a candle to your Moore's, Charlton's, Robson's and Lineker's.

Or maybe he was just getting into practice for Portsmouth. Unfortunately Arjen De Zeuww on longer plays for them.

Dull. God it's so dull.

2009-09-08T15:27:00.000+01:00

With Bolton's players (at least the non English contingent plus Gary Cahill) away on international duty, virtually nothing is happening down at Burnden Way. Our non-descript assistant manager has took some time off from twiddling his thumbs to big up Ivan Klasnic, Tony Kelly has so little to say he's raking over the coals of the Liverpool game again, Fat Kev has been lying again about how he feels about his move to Newcastle and we're giving away free tickets to people in Blackburn, which has prompted a response from Jack Straw.

But that's it. I could do a dance, sing a song, even strip for money. But nothing would stop this being quite possibly the most deathly dull international break since, well, the last one. Still, it will give the GSO a chance to figure out of deficiences in the Portsmouth defence that his myopic staff haven't, hmmmm?

SIgn them up, sign them up, sign them up!!!!

2009-09-07T12:39:00.000+01:00

Sometimes, when you unexpectedly go away for a week to a remote place, as I am wont to do (though some people are under the impression that the remote place I talk of is my head) a plethora of news comes out of T'Reebok. And, after weeks of having a go at the GSO, there appears to be an outbreak of sympathy for the ginger headed one.
First, let's get something clear. I thought that of all the summer signings, Sean Davis was the best. No doubt about it. Good professional, stayed with Fulham all dem years etc. etc. However, four yellows in three games, however ridiculous they were, is not a good return and he is already catching up Kev "Not coming back to Bolton so relax everybody" Nolan's return for last season when he managed to top the bookings chart despite being here only half a season. He has been banned for one game and is already one yellow card away from another ban. AFTER THREE GAMES PEOPLE.
This, however, does not deflect from a performance by Alan Wiley that made Rob Styles look decidedly average. While cynics, step forward the Telegraph, may sneer at Bolton, this was a gutsy display, typified by Jlloyd, SuperKev and Fabric Muamba, playing his best game for T'Wanderers. Whilst it may be too much to say that Bolton would have gone on to win (it didn't take the Scousers too long to equalise the first time when the GSO deployed the pack the defence and let's hold onto what we have tactic. You know, the one that hardly ever works), Southport's best known non-criminal had been marked out of the game and Torres had resorted to falling over legs that weren't there (as pointed out on Vital). Cue Benitez's love child Lucas (even Mrs X, a die hard scouser can't see the point of him) crying like a baby to the ref and it was only a matter of time.The Towers were under the impression that people who do what Lucas did were due a booking as well. Makes you feel sorry for Eduardo. But not that much.

Secondly, Tony Cascarino has had a go at Ivan Klasnic. While Bolton fans may have every right to be cautious about the signing after Smolarek and Makakula last year, and what he says about Elmander is partly true, Klasnic was a regular scorer for Werder Bremen and spent one year at Nantes, presumably to aid his recuperation in a less frenetic atmosphere after his double kidney transplant. We at the Towers have very little time for Cascarino and his bastard twins Tony Gale and Jason Cundy (What have you won? Then f*** off my TV) and his tendency to start fights when one is not warranted or when he can't win (Mr R. Keane v Cascarino. I know who I'd back) plus the fact that Klasnic seems to be good enough to play for Croatia whilst playing Ligue 2 football means that I will continue to ignore him and his factless columns, until someone at work mentions it. And they all read the currant anyway.

Unfortunately, this does not mean to say that Bolton are winning the media war. First of all, I don't think that Tony Cascarino has any worries about the GSO's wrath and secondly it appears yet again that someone senior is not reading the articles at the former BEN before publication, as they missed a gem last week. Assistant Manager Chris Evans (we have to say Assistant Manager in case you confuse Bolton's non descript flunky to the DJ or the actor) said on Thursday that the GSO is held in high regard as a coach in the game. This will explain why he has been fired more times than a firey thing then, won't it? A good coach does not a good manager make, just ask Sammy Lee. Digging himself more of a hole further on in the article he tells us that the GSO had identified certain weaknesses in Liverpool's defence at set pieces before anyone else at the club. Well, it may have been before anyone else at the club, but the football watching public has been more or less punched in the face by pundits pointing out the deficiences in the scouser's zonal defence at set pieces for the best part of two years. And this would mean that if no one else at the club saw it then the whole of the coaching staff should be fired, especially Chris Evans whose Wikipedia entry calls him a performance director. Ha!
Anyway, basically what he has said in the first part of the article (held in high regard etc.) has been negated by what he said in the second. However, he did praise the fans, which is more than the manager has ever done.

In Fat Mike watch, he didn't get off the bench on Saturday, even though Tranmere were three goals down. Oh dear.

And talking of Tranmere, the Bolton seniors were robbed of their glory last night at the Eccccccho arena. However they did manage to score more goals in one night than the first team have managed since January. Which is where the title comes in.

Hopefully, until tomorrow fellow masochists.

Gary Megson gives you some old news...

2009-08-28T14:15:00.000+01:00

Today, our ~~esteemed~~ leader has told the former BEN that the boo-boys don't bother him as he has never been popular at T'Reebok with the fans. This has come as a complete suprise to the Towers as he has never said this kind of thing about the fans before. Oh, no, wait a minute....

Maybe it would be better for the GSO to give a different kind of slant to the fact that Bolton fans don't like him as calling them names seems to just infuriate them more. Instead of coming across all Malcolm Tucker, maybe he should look at someone like Josh Lyman and understand that you have to be savvy to make people like you, not an arse. Maybe some good humour, not dourness. And less arseness.

And so to this weekend's ~~massacre~~ game at T'Reebok. Lawro has put it down as a 2–0 loss, but that is pretty much a no brainer. So we give you our five predictions for the game:

1. The GSO to big up the opposition, especially as they are a big four club, mentioning that they have world class players. (Wait, tick that box already)

2. For once, chants of "Megson Out" to outnumber the chants concerning Benitez's part time job clearing tables down the nearest Tapas bar.

3. Sean Davis to get booked.

4. Liverpool to win 3–0

5. The GSO to talk about gaining positives from the game in post match interview as Sammy Lee walks past with a wry smile on his face.

We're nearly there folks. Only the Portsmouth game to go.

A Prodigal Son?

2009-08-27T13:14:00.000+01:00

It is all over the press today that the GSO is looking at bringing former captain Kevin 'Nobby the Pie Eater' Nolan back to T'Reebok, probably on a season long loan. How would fans react to this.

Some, think the MEN, will greet it with excitement. Some think it will be a backwards step. We believe that it is neither one nor the other. For a long time Nolan rested on his laurels in a midfield that had Gary Speed and Ivan Campo doing the work and the culture beside him and the goals of Nicolas Anelka shielded the lack of midfield guile when those players moved on. Once that outlet had gone it showed what most fans had known for a while, that he had lost it.

So why should he be welcomed back? Well, it would be difficult to see where he would fit into the midfield, whether the GSO uses 4-5-1, 4-4-2 or 4-3-3. Davis, Little Davies and Muamba should have the central positions sown up, with one of them playing on the right if need be and Matty Taylor on the left. But Kevin Nolan is no Michael Ricketts, he hasn't lost it to that extent. Many people couldn't understand why Jermaine Jenas was picked ahead of him for the England squad not so long ago. (OK, we do know. Spurs play in London) But Bolton haven't the aquad to be choosy, the player loves the club, even if he is unfit he's better than the squad on the bench and he wouldn't need time bedding in. Plus he wouldn't have the millstone of being captain hanging round his neck. Okocha had problems suiting his game to being captain and the same problems seemed to beset Nolan. SuperKevinDavies has thrived in this position. We at the Towers give this a cautious yes. It just depends on what ambition the player has.

No really, oú ést, Ricardo Vaz Té?

2009-08-26T19:55:00.000+01:00

Back in July we originally asked this question, surmising that if our Portuguese forward could remember to keep his feet when on goal, if he was fit he could be a ten goal a season striker. However, the GSO does not seem to think that this is the case.

On the back of a torpid 1–0 win over Tranmere, it has been reported that Bolton's 3rd best striker is likely to be offloaded, either to Gaziantepspor of Turkey (no, me either), or Koln of Cologne. This after saying that he did not have any striking options and putting young Danny Ward on the bench. Another case of saying one thing and doing another? Well, very likely, although it has been reported that Achille Emana is being looked at. This is a midfielder by the way and according to his Wikipedia article he is a midfielder of dubious scoring potential. This may just be an anonymous editor at Wikipedia having some last minute fun before he is banished from editing though.

Am I sick and tired of being promised a striker 7 days before the transfer window finishes and then not getting one. Well, the name Leroy Lita still makes me narcoleptic. Is this the second time that the GSO will be saying that Bolton will be doing one thing this season and then changing the rules. Very likely. Was he on a no win mission at Prenton Park last night. Absolutely. Did he win any fans over with his 4-5-1 formation against an out of form League One side. C'mon, pass over those happy pills. For the first time this season, X Towers shouts "MEGSON OUT". And we bet that The Fat Spanish Waiter over at Stanley Park will be in his hot seat a long time after Mr Megson has been banished from our collective memories.

Tony Kelly, I know you're employed by the club but FFS!!!!

2009-08-25T14:48:00.000+01:00

As you are no doubt aware, Tony Kelly is the fan's liasion officer at Bolton Wanderers and is also the 34th greatest player to don a Bolton shirt. However, this was voted for in 2005 and if there was a vote today, it is doubtful if he would now make the top 100. Not because it is now 15 years since he put that shirt on, but because he puts out the most monumental rubbish in his Bolton News column. (I'd say worse, but this is a family show)

Under the banner headline, Wanderers Will Bounce Back he quoth,regarding the start to the season:

"....getting on the manager’s back won’t help the situation"

He then goes on to argue the complete opposite, stating that a siege mentality can galvanise the players. Does anybody at the paper actually copy read this gubbins.

Further down the article he states that:

"It’s no use getting on the manager’s back, though. Once they cross that white line it’s down to the players"

Herein it shows that Tony, fans liasion officer notwithstanding, has no idea of how the fans feel or, if he does, he is not showing it until the GSO goes. It will be interesting to see what he says then. Maybe it would be better if the club's voice kept shtumm for a couple of weeks.

While we're having our sometime daily pop at the former BEN and the GSO, I personally could not care less that he sympathises with the Australian cricket team. Somehow, SOMEHOW, he has tried to draw parallels between T'Wanderers result at Hull with Australia losing the ashes. Here we pick this argument apart:
1. The Australians respect their cricketers and feel that they have a good leader.
2. The Australians are regular winners and, indeed, have won this summer.
3. All 11 Australian cricketers who take the field are talented individuals who know their job.
4. Australia's captain is magnaminous in defeat and never, NEVER, calls his teams abilities into question.
5. When things are going wrong, Ponting has the ability to change his tactics.

To paraphrase Henry II, "Who will rid me of this turbulent manager".

Expect Fat Mike to score tonight. No need to watch.

Those Monday newspaper comments and average ratings...

2009-08-25T13:57:00.000+01:00

The Currant have nothing, nowt, nada to say about Bolton, which must say something.

"A dismal game saw Bolton create the best chances but fail to take them" The Mirror

"Bolton created the best chances but failed to take them and the ‘Megson Out’ chants have started already" The Star

"No one needs to tell Gary Megson what his team lack..." The Torygraph (although surely someone should have told him in June, just to make sure that he was looking at the same sheet...?)

"Bolton Wanderers, though, should have taken at least a point" The Times

"For the next 15 minutes City ripped their opponents apart" T'Guardian

And so to the averages by all the weekend reporters

Jussi 6.3
Ricketts 6.04
Cahill 6.42
Knight 5.38
Stefan Dennis 5.09
Muamba 6.8
Davis 6.18
Mark Davies 6.24
Taylor 6.67
SuperKev 6.18
Elmander 5.98
JLS 5.13
Ward 5.13
Lee 6.04

Man of the Match therefore is the sometimes pilloried Fabrice Muamba, although to be fair the one paper that allows fans to vote (The Tory) has him at an average of six with six other players ahead of him. The worst player was Stefan Dennis, but that was only a matter of time. Don't It Make You Feel Good.

I'm now off to hide behind a pillow to listen to the Tranmere commentary. Until later, fellow masochists....

Those Sunday Newspaper comments....

2009-08-23T10:07:00.000+01:00

"Bolton were slightly the better, which isn't saying much as passes went astray, long balls were punted aimlessly downfield and shots failed to find the target." Independent on Sunday

"...one or more of Johan Elmander, Kevin Davies, Matthew Taylor and Sam Ricketts should not have given the City goalkeeper a chance to make a save" Observer

"Bolton were comfortably on top during the first half, but didn’t make it count Sunday Times

"Hull showed that even they have greater options than Bolton by throwing on Altidore" Sunday Telegraph

"The failure to score meant Bolton's winless run has stretched to eight games and gaffer Megson is working hard to bring in a striker to solve their goalscoring problems" Screws

"...they paid for their profligacy when Algerian signing Ghilas smashed home Altidore's clever flick-on" Sunday People

"Hull got a few monkeys off the back as they registered their first points of the season, but where do Bolton go from here?" Sunday Nazi

"Hull had been second best until Altidore's introduction, with Bolton dominating possession and having the better chances" Sunday Express

AND...

"Sections of the travelling support turned on their manager before the final whistle as chants of ‘We want Megson out’ rang around the ground, but if the fans want anyone to blame for Wanderers’ latest setback then they should look no further than their strikers." The former BEN. No tapping into the current mood much.

Hull City v Bolton Wanderers......our five predictions.

2009-08-21T16:48:00.000+01:00

1. Suntan Phil saying that he had a great career at Bolton but there is no friendship in the 90 minutes on the pitch.

2. Stefan Dennis and Sam Ricketts to start again, as God knows the GSO always learns from his mistakes. Mark Davies to start in the middle of midfield though.

3. Johan Elmander to do some "tireless" running although all through balls will be in the air and not to him.

4. Hull to win 2-0

5. The GSO to have another go at the players, saying he cannot understand why they don't stick to his game plan (the one where they pack the defence and don't let in any goals). Cue vitriolic witch hunt on message boards and his home address to be published.

Finger out time...but maybe too late.

2009-08-20T14:02:00.000+01:00

Reports today suggest that the man to soothe all the fans needs would be a Mr J Beckford of Leeds United. £2.5 milion may be enough to prise Leeds' leading scorer away from the ground by the Sheffield-Leeds railway line. We at the Towers give this an X rating of 5. Proven League One goalscorer he may be, as 50 goals in 87 games is not to be sniffed at down there, but there is a whole lot of difference two divisons higher. And if Fabian Delph went for £6 million, is £2.5 enough? Cautious, yet not optimistic. In any sense.

Or how about David Nugent in exchange for Danny the Shit and the Badger? Well, with the whole squad being described as "not exactly really top drawer", does this mean that Nugent will be a marquee signing that we have been waiting for? Well, he has got a very good goals per game ratio at international level. X rating of 3. Although we do expect the lesser of the not top drawer squad to be on their way soon.

A nice little encapsulation of the problems facing the GSO can be found at sports blog under the title "Embattled Manager of the Week: Gary Megson". Although proving that there just aren't enough blogs about T'Wanderers (they quote Vital Football, Wanderers Way and The Wanderer (err...where are we?....what do you mean no one reads this?), this does what it says on the tin. Although we don't agree that the GSO will be gone after Portsmouth away. Sooner, surely?

The "hang on a minute" moment for today comes from the Bolton News, with the GSO apparently challenging Super Kev and Matty Taylor to get back into the goals, starting at Phil Brown's place on Saturday. Neither has hit the target since April (both the GSO and the former BEN forgetting that Elmander hasn't hit the target since January, but he must be off limits), but the GSO "sees no rationale for the pair's dip in form but has backed them both to come good" Well, I'm sure that they are both very glad about his backing. Maybe his tactics are the rationale? Just a thought.

Fat Mike watch. He's still fat. Expect him to still be fat on Tuesday.

Swine Flu...it's a pig....

2009-08-19T14:37:00.002+01:00

So, anyway, you may have noticed that nothing has come out of the Towers in the past fortnight. This is due to me living in Tower Hamlets and catching the swine flu in the local Tescos, which is the only place that myself and Mrs. X mingle with the locals. Cue much needed crawling to the bathroom, but you don't want to know the details of that.

SO, no great suprise then when the GSO decided to play all five of his new signings on Saturday, even though defence, where three of them played, wasn't actually the problem last season. Cue much teeth gnashing over at 606 (also see here and here and a great many posts besides). It would appear that after one game 99% of the fans would want shot of Mr Megson, leading many to ~~believe~~ hope that when Norwich had sacked Bryan Gunn, our manager would drop to what many people believe is his natural level. Mr Deary over at Manny Road has pointed out that the press may have their knives out for him (that's the GSO not Mr Deary) as there is no one else in the division to point and laugh at. If this is the case, then it may not be too long before the managerial swing door banishes another Wanderers manager to the dole queue, as God knows the board hardly ever listen to the fans otherwise we wouldn't have that kit. However, the wishful thinking of some that Owen Coyle may be tempted down the road may prove to be just too fanciful.

Mr McCormick over at Vital Football points out that Bolton have come behind only the once since the GSO came along. He also points to the interviews that Megson has given to the Bolton News over the past few days. Starting off with the fact that the GSO believes that Bolton have only themselves to blame, it does make you wonder why Mr Megson has not got a Phd in the bleeding obvious. I can't help feeling that I've heard all this before. The playing of the Badger on the right made everyone, not least possibly the Badger himself, scratch their heads. The dropping of last season's ever present left back and the damn sight better than Sam Ricketts usual right back was a second cranium puzzler. However, the GSO says that they were unlucky to be dropped, and mentions that the defence leaked 54 goals last season and for that reason Robinson and Ricketts started. Now, I'm no long time football watcher (no.....hang on) but surely a central defence where he couldn't decide whether or not to play Danny the Shit or AOB was the real problem. Or is that just me?
And finally from the GSO, a complete bandwagon jumping exercise concerning Freddie Sears goal for the Palace at Bristol City on Saturday. Yes, we all know that Bolton have suffered a couple of times at the hands of over the line disallowed goals, but this idea that the GSO is keen to use technology when he has virtually dismantled what BSA left behind is shum mishtake shurely? He does admit, however, that he is not the fount(sic) of all knowledge. Which is something we can all agree on.

Now, I know that Vital Football have also started a Michael Rickett's watch, taking advantage, dare we say, of our indisposal while we talked to the porcelain telephone. Talking to the Wirral Globe, Fat Mike says that:

" I'm pleased to have joined Tranmere. The lure of playing for John Barnes, who was an idol of mine, and the style of football he wants to play were big factors in me coming here"

Translation, no one else wanted me and they have a Greggs near the ground.

Bolton Wanderers 0 - 1 Sunderland

2009-08-17T21:04:00.001+01:00

Or....How The Press Saw Bolton's Performance On Saturday. (Clue....it doesn't end well), plus the average ratings from the papers.

"The clearly rejuvenated Bent looked every inch an international-class striker as he and Jones ripped Bolton's defence to shreds in a one-sided first half." The Currant

"the Wearsiders were hanging on towards the end as Gary Megson’s battling Bolton launched a fierce second-half fight-back" The Mirror

"While Sunderland were at it from the first bell, Bolton started sluggishly." The Nazi

We would tell you what The Times thought but apparently only Sunderland were on the pitch.

"Sunderland were aided mightily by an abject Bolton performance that extinguished any pre-season optimism." The Observer

"Jaaskelainen's excellence provided a rare bright spot for Megson but there were precious few other crumbs of comfort." The Screws

"a hugely disappointing Bolton display" The former BEN

Kind of makes bad reading no? And the averages don't get any better.

Jaaskelainen 6.83
Ricketts 4.91
Cahill 6.16
Knight 5.03
Stefandennis 5.27
The Badger 4.69
Davis 5.43
Muamba 5.21
Taylor 5.20
Elmander 4.84
Super Kev 5.82
Lee 5.03
Ward 4.50

So, Bolton's man of the match was Jussi (what...you're suprised), and the worst performer was The Badger, although he did have the excuse of being played out of position. Or should that be he had the excuse of being played.

R.I.P. Bobby Robson

2009-07-31T17:31:00.001+01:00

As you are no doubt aware, Sir Bobby Robson finally lost his brave battle against cancer earlier today. Without wishing to speak ill of the alive, you can't help but wonder if he would still be a better manager than the GSO even now.

Zat Knight has no idea about his new club....

2009-07-28T09:43:00.000+01:00

This is our new signing, Zatyiah "Zat" Knight. He cost some money from Aston Villa. He has no idea about the recent history of Bolton Wanderers. Talking "exclusively" (we at The Towers have no idea why the rubbish website says "exclusively" every time they interview a player as this would mean that other outlets are after the interview, which they're not) to the rubbish website he has the following to say:

"It would be nice to try and get back into Europe because we haven't been there for the last few seasons and to have a good cup run and to win some silverware"

Whilst we appreciate that the Bolton News' circulation may not stretch all the way down the M6 surely someone should have told Zat that the last time Bolton were in Europe was just two years ago. Indeed in terms of months it is just 16 since the Sporting Lisbon debacle and shouldn't someone at the rubbish website have passed this information on to him or at least edited his comments? Good cup run? Well, my grandad can just about remember the last time that happened. And silverware? Living the dream or what?

He then goes on to mention that Bolton play "a style that suits me", which would appear to put another coffin in the nail that is the lie that the team will play more expansive football, as Bolton are a "hard team to beat"

Tomorrow: Sam Ricketts tells us how he has a picture of Kevin Davies pinned up on his bedroom wall as he has to recognise where most of his balls are going.

Welcome to our new........defenders.

2009-07-27T13:57:00.000+01:00

You know when you have been promised one thing but are then delivered another, much like the good folk of Rock Ridge in Blazing Saddles. Well, here we are then. Now I have nothing against Sam Ricketts and Zat Knight, two players who I feel will bring more to the club than Stefan Dennis (the name by which Paul Robinson will now be known), but where is this flair player, the player that we have been promised will make Bolton play a more attractive brand of football? As we were told to expect six players this summer, now have four and are expectant of a fifth from the South of the Korea's, this leaves one more player. And who is this to be? Freddie Bodde? Fabian Delph? Cliff Richard?
While feeling that we have brought in more talent than at any time since the departure of Big Sam (not hard to be admitted), there is still a desperate need for another striker and a decent creative midfielder. If we have just the one transfer left, which position will be filled?

The Sunderland Echo report on Bolton's 1–1 draw at Borussia Munchinggladback gives an all too predictable scenario of Danny the Shit being shrugged off for the equalising goal by the Germans (although the official report on the rubbish website gives it to us somewhat differently). If all Danny had was his strength then this also appears to have gone but he may be on his way out anyway, along with the Badger and Ethan Hunt, an outcome that will not cause too many fans at T'Reebok to shed tears. Although, four in and three out will still give the GSO a pretty threadbare squad, a fact he has been crying about since the final day of last season.

Many congratulations go to a fresh faced bunch of lads who may go far as Bolton won through to the finals of the national OAPS five a side tournament at the MEN on Saturday. Richard Sneekes, David Lee, Simon Farnworth, Scott Green, Michael Johansen, Julian Darby, Allan Johnston, Grandma X's favourite Simon Charlton and voice of the balls Tony Kelly beating Oldham 2–1 in the final. Maybe a few shouts of "sign them up" at the final at the Ekkkkkoo Arena in September?

A not to miss night out on up at (down at?) Tuff Moor next month when the "Clarets Mad" (shum mishtake shurley) fan thingy has Martin Dobson, Paul Fletcher and Owen Coyle at a night they have advertised as "A Trio of Trotters" due to their connections with T'Wanderers back in the day. Now, whilst I am all for blowing the trumpet for Bolton over our numerous Lancashire rivals, Martin Dobson never played a game for Bolton, Paul Fletcher played more games for Burnley than he played for anyone else and Owen Coyle is currently....well you get the point. Obviously some form of hero worship from further up the road. They do say that it is somewhat tongue in cheek, although they do protest too much methinks.

Michael Ricketts you ask? Nothing, nada. Is this the end for our overweight, former England international's football career. Tune in sometime.

Hot off the press!!!

2009-07-24T15:54:00.000+01:00

So, just after we published yesterday came the Bolton News with a tale that the first Ricketts in 6 years would be making his way T'Reebok. Then the BBC followed suit. So it must be true.
The Bolton News then blotted their copy book by giving us a tale of the bleeding obvious re the club needing another striker. Still, a better than normal strike rate from the local paper.

The rest of the news is just about Lee Chung-Yong going T'Reebok. If nothing, it keeps the club in the press, as there is a serious lack of anything else going on, bar the odd Zat Knight story rearing its head again. Richard at Vital Football has also noted this.

Really I cannot say anything else as there is seriously nothing to report, except for the person at Wikipedia who obviously doesn't understand the idea of work permits. Until Mrs X allows me on the computer again, have a good weekend.

Asthma....it's a killer.

2009-07-23T11:48:00.000+01:00

Hello, dear reader, and welcome back after a week away. Yes it went well, except for the aforementioned asthma problems which is why this blog has been away for two days longer than it said it would. But you don't want to hear about that.

News: And Lee Chung-Yong (cue much xenophobic merriment when he arrives) has not yet signed for the Wanderers, although he is in "talks". Whether this means that he is the "flair player" that fans have been promised is not known, although the bet is he is. Now, stop me if I'm wrong but the of all the asian players that have done well in the Premiership, we had one (Nakata) and Stretford have one (Park) and.....well that's it. For the fast paced Premiership, people from the Far East just do not seem to have the stamina, more suited to our Southern European cousin's leagues. I'm not against people from other cultures having a go but it will take a special player and Mr Chung-Yong would not appear to be one. While it looks like he will join, work permit notwithstanding, I would stick my neck out and suggest that this is one of the GSO's more bizarre signings.

Mark Fish, yes THAT tosser, has managed to get himself a coaching job in his native Sith Africa. Along with Michael Ricketts, we at the Towers hope he falls on his arse.

Talking of Ricketts, the other one who currently plays for Hull has reportedly been the subject of some close scrutiny of Bolton. So, that'll be another defender then. But as Ricketts plays right back, if he is to move across T'Pennines, that should see the end to Nicky Hunt's Bolton career. Really, wouldn't it just be kinder to put him down?

A non starter story was Damien Duff leaving Newcastle for T'Reebok. Seeing as how Newcastle cannot do anything until they find a buyer, we at the Towers would have given this a minus mark out of 10, even before the MEN said it was pretty much a pile of something nasty.

And that is pretty much it for transfer news. In other news, however, Commercial Director Gareth "Gaz" Moores has cocked up once again, after already suggesting that sponsors prefer to watch Match of the Day than Super Sunday. You may have noticed that the club has been doing a day by day reveal of the new away kit (concensus: It's Crap). However, as the reserves played a friendly in the new kit at Leigh on Tuesday, photos appeared all over the internet, including here on Leigh's own website, two days before ours. Further proof indeed, that the Reebok is run by a bunch of monkeys banging a typewriter and hoping to one day come up with Hamlet.

In Nigeria, two season wonder and all round Bolton Wanderers icon, Jay-Jay "Austin" Okocha has been made an ambassador for Guinness. Besides asking myself how I can get a gig like that, a fondness for the black stuff finding me asleep in Piccadilly Gardens once upon a time, Guinness' MD, a man with an appropriate Irish name, said that Austin's "exceptional soccer achievements qualified him to become an ambassador of soccer". Well, OK, that is pretty much like saying "Hello, my name is Dave because my name is Dave" (proving that Gaz Moores is not the only person who can get their marketing line wrong). However, besides the article calling Austin "the former PSG dribbler" (which I again can sympathise with having done that many times after drinking Guinness), the one poster on the article suggest that this is the best thing to happen to Guinness for a long time, which may be slightly over egging the pudding.

Well done to the reserves for beating Leigh 4–1 on Tuesday in the aforementioned new away kit, Tope Obadeyi scoring twice. The reserves will need him next season, having been monumentally appalling last.

Michael Ricketts? Didn't play for Brighton and has "had his little spell here". Harsh.

L'attitude

2009-07-16T12:26:00.000+01:00

Well, that's the booze packed, the wipes in, tshirts, sandals and wellies all in the car. The papers have been cancelled and X Towers is all locked up. No Wi-Fi means no blogging until next Tuesday. So I'll leave you with this wish. BUY A BLOODY FLAIR PLAYER BEFORE I GET BACK. I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE MEGSON!!!!

Beckham for Bolton.

2009-07-15T16:17:00.000+01:00

With all this noise about going back to Milan and even going to the Saudi Arabian enclave of Gorton, it seems that Becks would prefer to move to the Reebok (Thanks to Dirty Tackle)

In other news, The Ginger Special One proclaims himself pleased that Paul Robinson has joined Bolton (so that'll be the whole of West Bromwich plus one then), but it all turns out that it's a bit of a tax fiddle to help West Brom and he's here for three years, reassuringly (Mr Robinson's words, not ours). Calls to the Greater Manchester Police fraud department have been placed. Nothing to do with the tax fiddle but for this idea that his being here on a three year deal is anything other than "reassuring".

Bolton may have to wait for Zat Knight as T'Villa have not yet put their plans into action to sign a defender, having been linked with Matthew Upson and Sylvain Distin. Which begs the obvious question, why haven't Bolton been linked with Upson and Distin? Ambition you say? Phhhhhhttt...

In May we reported that the Bolton shop in the town centre had been shut for refurbishment. GOOD NEWS! It's reopened for all your crap shirt needs. Ironically the Bolton section is at the back of the store, which may give you some idea as to what Messrs J&D think about the shirt.

The Korea Times gets its first ever mention from The Towers (although it's only quoting the BEN). According to both papers Lee Chung-yong, South Korean international may be plying his trade under Winter Hill come the new season. We give this an X-Towers rating of 9, not just because the GSO has actually said he wants him but also with Kim Jong-Il apparently being near death being nowhere near Korea may soon be a good idea.

Michael Ricketts watch this week has news about our very own former England international. He's on trial at Brighton, although what for we don't know. Oh, stop me now.

2009-07-14T15:16:00.000+01:00

Today we have an exclusive interview with Gary Megson. Whilst this blog does not pretend to be the biggest fan of the GSO we thought it only fair to sit down with him and let us know his thoughts on the coming season. Unfortunately, X Towers funds do not run to a flight to Austria and a nice day in a spa so we gave him a call.

X: Gar, can I call you Gar, nice to speak to you. Can we start off with the transfer policy for the summer. Let's first talk about Paul Robinson.

GSO: I have said before and I will say again 'til I am red in the face that Paul Robinson is the kind of player that Bolton fans love. The fact that he is actually my secret love child and I have to sign him otherwise his mother will go to the press has nothing to do with it.

X: So, in effect, what you're saying is that, whilst in the past few years Bolton fans have got used to the exploits of Okocha, Campo, Hierro, Diouf and Anelka, your current transfer policy is to recruit your secret children?

GSO: That's right. At the beginning of the summer I gave Mr Fartslime a list of players that I wanted. Unfortunately I got it mixed up with my list for the Child Support Agency and now I'm in the bit of a spot.

X: So who can we expect to be coming in this summer?

GSO: Well, first of all there's Damian Lewis. We feel sure that he can he can be an effective back up to Jussi as we need to give my grandson Adam Bogdan some much needed loan experience.

X: OK, anyone else.

GSO: Well, that bird out of Desperate Housewives I recently discovered was my daughter. She is known to be a bit feisty in training but has a demeanour about her when the chips are down that I think that she will be a perfect playing partner for Gary Cahill.

X: Suuuurrreeee.....

GSO:.....and don't let me forget Dana Scully, she's been known to repel a few attacks and I see her fitting in well next to Gavin McCann

X: Now that's ridiculous, you do know that Gavin McCann as a footballer is a fictional character...?

GSO:....then I thought on the wing we could have the kid from "Mask". We need someone who can put up with taunts about our style of play and he's already got a thick skin.

X: ...err....Gary

GSO:...and up front I'm going to see if I can sign Bradley Branning.

X: Why?

GSO: You see, that's the problem with you people, you can't just let me get on with my job. The press understand me, especially the Bolton News. You fans have got no idea. Gill said that people in the game would understand my appointment and I've done the job I was asked to do. Now I want to build for the future and you people aren't letting me. You'll be sorry.....YOU'LL ALL BE SORRY!!

At that moment the phone seemed to fall to the floor and I could hear things being smashed and then all went silent. A couple of minutes passed and then a woman came on the phone.

Woman: Hello? Hello? Mulder? Is that you?

Then I put the phone down.

Extra!! Extra!!

2009-07-12T19:50:00.000+01:00

There is not normally a missive from The Towers over the weekend but as we are locking up on Thursday and heading for the Latitude Festival we thought we would bring you an extra instalment. No need to thank us.

So, The Ginger Special One has finally got his man and Paul Robinson will be coming up the M6 (probably in a West Brom fan's car, just to make sure).The GSO has come up with the funniest quote of the summer so far by saying that ''He's the type of player Wanderers supporters will like", which proves he doesn't look at message boards and may be losing his grasp on reality.

Now, remember Jermaine Johnson? No? Well, he was part of the Jamaican influx at T'Reebok in the early part of the decade who, along with Donovan Ricketts, were seriously easy going and seriously out of their depth. Now, apparently, he is a constant menace to defenders on the football pitch, although whether this is for his footballing "skills", currently on show at Sheffield Wednesday, or for his pugilism is not known. However, the glowing report from Sports Jamaica seems to suggest that letting him go was one of Big Sam's bigger mistakes. Johnson does say that he is targeting the Premiership but it would appear that if he is he is doing it with the wrong Sheffield club.

TV news, and Gill Fartslime is no doubt unhappy concerning Bolton's solitary game before the cameras while Chelsea have seven in the first set of TV fixtures. And to make matters worse the game chosen is the notroiously tedious (bar double penalty saves and daft scouse ex captains being sent off) see who can kick the ball highest derby against Big Sam and his Rovers. Now to put this into perspective, Chelsea play some attractive football from time to time whereas Bolton.......well, you can see where I'm coming from. But, don't worry, Paul Robinson has arrived so that is all bound to change.
However, we are not worried quoth Bolton commerical director Gareth "I got us 188 Bet" Moores. Apparently, the sponsors care more about being seen on Match of the Day than on a live game. Err...Gaz mate. A game on Sky or ESPN is on for 90 mins, plus the bits before and after, and if you've ever tuned into MOTD to watch Bolton, Goals on Sunday has nearly started by the time our three minutes are shown. Does 188 Gareth actually watch MOTD or is he sat in a tower (or DeVere Whites as it's known) counting out the match receipts very carefully while Gill Fartslime stands there in a basque and tights with a stilleto on his throat.

And finally for now, the squad have all decamped on their pre season ~~jolly~~ annual camp to the Austrian mountains. According to the BEN, in an article of monumental arse licking, they go to a spa, which is nice if you're with a lady but ain't no good if you're in the jungle, to paraphrase Good Morning, Vietnam. To impress upon fans that this is not a laze around the hotel pool sticking flowers in their hair, the GSO tells us that sightseeing "IS OUT". Good job to. Imagine us all here, sitting in our credit crunch while our first team squad, plus Gavin McCann, galavante off to Heidi conventions and Sound of Music sing-a-longs. The GSO. He knows his stuff.

Ou ést Ricardo Vaz Té

2009-07-09T15:32:00.000+01:00

It seems strange to believe but Ricardo Vaz Té has been hanging round T'Reebok for the better part of six years now. A member of the Portuguese U-21 squad for some time, but not many caps, it is interesting to note that he is only 18 months younger than Real Madrid's new number nine. It is also interesting to note that, even though he has never seemed to be in the first team, he has managed to rack up fifty eight league appearances since 2003. However, given the amount of games he has played, three (count them) three goals is not a good enough return. In games that Mrs X has allowed me to attend, he has always seemed to get to the edge of the penalty area with the ball and then fall over his legs, giving him the unfortunate sobriquet from the Lofthouse Lower of Bambi.
Now, and I bet you didn't know this, in the 2005-06 season he came fifth in the Bolton scoring charts, behind Stelios, the two Kevs and Borgetti, and did this when only starting eight games. Coupled with his scoring record for the reserves, the boy does seem to have something. Having missed the vast majority of last season, he has professed to now being stronger, and appears to have a nice new hair cut. With all the talk about needing a cultured midfielder, which is true, it can be forgotten that the club has a player who may just turn out to be like the proverbial "new signing". A bit of confidence in front of goal and the club may, MAY, have a 10 goal a season scorer, which can't be sniffed at.

No. 1. OFFICIAL.

2009-07-08T17:08:00.001+01:00

YEEESSS!!!! To prove Bolton are good at something, our friends over at Off The Post have officially voted our monstrosity of a home kit at numero uno in the quite appallingly bad Premier League football shirts of next season. And they go on to concur with the whole of the Lofthouse Lower and their mum that Reebok have been foisting crappy tops on us for quite some time. Whatever happened to White. Just plain white. With a badge?

In other news, Sean Davis was presented to the media at T'Reebok and comes up with some guff about 23 being his lucky number and that's why he chose the shirt, but you've got to pay for the privilege. And the website is still rubbish.

Sky Sports (other websites are available) have confirmed more bids for Bodde and Robinson, with unconfirmed reports that West Brom fans are clubbing together for Robinson's train fare outta there.

The Crewe Chronicle have called T'Reebok "impressive" and apparently it is going to be used by a couple of birds kicking crap out of each other, Thai Style, sometime in September. Makes a change from Amir Khan doing it to other men. And Super Kev, for that matter.

The official line on Bolton Wanderers transfer policy.

2009-07-07T13:15:00.001+01:00

It has been widely suggested on the BBC 606 forum that Bolton's transfer policy is to see who everyone else buys and then see what's left, bar the odd free transfer and a left back that West Brom fans want rid of....and quickly.
Not so says Bolton's assistant manager with the same name as the former Timmy Mallett sidekick in today's BEN. Bolton are being "deliberately methodical" in their approach he says, and then brings out the tired old line of the amount of players who have left the club who are still playing in the Premier League, which, granted, is not many but then again one of them has just gone down, Kevin Nolan who many expect to not be in the lower leagues for long, and the VAST majority now ply their trade in overseas top divisions and not the Championship and below. Obfuscation, smoke and mirrors? Oh, and Eidur is still available and Luis Garcia has become so.

Bolton have also been linked with Zat Knight. We give this an X-Towers rating of 8. AOB and Danny the Shit both had moments last season that would make Titus Bramble blush and Knight played alongside Cahill at the Villa. However, central defence is not where people are needed and there is a need for some sort of classy ball playing midfielder. Did I mention Eidur is still available. And Luis Garcia has become so.

Michael Rickett's globe trotting doesn't cease in this week's watch. He has just managed to get a sponsorship of $2million for a Jamaican football competition. Fully expect him to be running for President within the month.

Aaahh...the vagaries of shift work....

2009-07-06T16:48:00.000+01:00

Have precluded me from putting anything down for the past week. But it's OK, cock all has happened.
Well except for, and welcome to you, Sean Davis, this may just be the best decision that you have ever made, including getting married and having kids (does he have kids?). You are the first part in the jigsaw of forever removing the general myth, prescribed by, well, just about everybody, that Bolton are a long ball, kick and rush team.

Good luck with that mate.

Does Gary Megson pay attention to fans? Discuss.

2009-06-30T14:50:00.000+01:00

The Manchester Evening News today reports that Bolton are looking into bringing Eidur Gudjohnsen back to the club. As noted here last Thursday fans would be extremely happy to see our second favourite Icelandic international back at the club and would make an interesting front line with Elmander and Super Kev already at the Reebok. However, the major stumbling block that we at The Towers can see is that no one would really expect Bolton to be tussling for major honours next year and with Spurs, West Ham and Big Sam also sniffing around, and the fact that Eidur is only 30 so has some major years left in him, would he come to a mid table side?

The Bolton News, your first stop for lazy journalism.

2009-06-25T16:00:00.000+01:00

Yesterday, under the banner headline "Why Whites won't take Michael", the Bolton News made sure that their readers were not under the impression that Bolton were, or ever had been, in the market for Michael Owen, after his infamous brochure was sent out to some Premier League clubs. Whilst we have to ignore the rhetorical question "Is he really that desperate that the brochure would have been sent first class to Burnden Way?" the article goes on to state that it is "believed" (therefore no one has confirmed it (or more likely never even mentioned it), goes on to talk about what is in the brochure that MAY HAVE come through the letterbox, wonders whether the Ginger Special one considered looking at him (not that we can say that he ever got the brochure) mentions that he has worked hard to trim the wage bill so wouldn't be able to afford to pay the affable scouser the money that he wants and then comes to the conclusion that he will probably file the brochure under "U for unlikely", although we cannot say for certain that his filing cabinet has a U in it and even if it has that the club got the brochure. So, within the space of an article they have gone from may have got the brochure to definitely got it and I used 90 seconds of my life reading it that I will never get back.

Also at the News, and coming in at No. 1 in our play on words summer tournament they liken a couple of summer targets to "The Professionals", Ferrie Bodde and Kevin Doyle. Bodie and Doyle!! Oh stop it.

Michael Ricketts watch this week sees Leeds United's one time fifth choice striker taking up table tennis on the Cayman Islands.

And if I could pass on a recommendation to Mr Megson. Have you head that Eidur Gudjohnsen may be up for sale? Hmmmmm......?

HANDS OFF!!!

2009-06-23T21:00:00.001+01:00

Ok, no dicking around here. If there is one thing that sticks in my craw it is news outlets trying to drum up some sort of news when there is none about, which is usually the case when it comes to Bolton. OK, yes, Big Sam is an admirer of Super Kev, he did sign him and then continually play him, so it is pretty much a no brainer that he may casually mention a liking for him....not that he has. But Super Kev spent such a bad time at Blackburn that we have more chance of signing Anelka back than of him returning up the M61. Regular football, a captaincy, on the edge of the England squad. You be the judge.

In other news, Tottenham fan seems to be under the impression that his team have been the most successful team this century (look at the comments to the article) whilst a Guardian writer seems to think that he is the only, and therefore funniest, reporter to ever stereotype Kevin Davies.

Lee Bowyer, a more palatable Joey Barton?

2009-06-19T14:22:00.000+01:00

It has been reported in today's M.E.N. that the club are looking at Lee Bowyer for a place in the already overcrowded central midfield berth. Now, in the words of Stretford songwriter Steven Patrick Morrissey, "Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before" We at the Towers aren't the only one's to draw this analogy but I prefer my midfield on the pitch, not in Horwich knick and although Bowyer was never found guilty of the crime he was arraigned for, that's like saying OJ didn't knife his missus. Pairing him with Joey Barton, a man who has turned so many corners he must either be lost or back where he started, would be like having fourteen of Robbie Savage, and I'm not talking about the one that played for the Wanderers in the 1980's. Even the Bolton News have continually raised an eyebrow about that. The word is NO Mr Megson. Would you like me to shout it any louder?

Hello. Where the hell have you been?

2009-06-19T11:44:00.000+01:00

For a club the size of Bolton Wanderers it isn't unnatural for a number of first team players to move on quickly, whether they be found wanting (stand up Mr S. Lee of Liverpool), or have been offered terms at "better" clubs (usually Chelsea).
The records section here at X Towers have been scouring the internet for details on those players that have passed through the Reebok (alas we have come to a time when no ex Bolton players ever played at Burnden Park), and we proudly present the first part of your alphabetical definitive guide to "Hello. Where the hell have you been?"

A:
Aah, now you would expect an article like this to begin with Nicolas Anelka. No, no my friend, there are some others that come alphabetically before the dour Frenchman. Surely you haven't forgotten Bülent Akın, Hasney Aljofree and Mikel Alonso? Akin played exactly one game after he was signed from Galatasary and was then sold onto Gençlerbirliği S.K.. Oh yes, that Gençlerbirliği S.K.
Local(ish) boy Hasney played a number of games for the club in the old First Division before being parcelled off to Dundee United. He is now the captain at Swindon. He is also the only person on Wikipedia whose name begins with Hasney.
Xavi's older brother, Mikel was one of Sammy Lee's "signings" who was let go at the end of the 2007-08 season. A spell training at Swansea was followed by a half season in Tenerife. As a waiter, no doubt.
Nicolas Anelka is a French international who was......oh, you know all that. An FA Cup winner with Chelsea and the winner of the Premier League's Golden Boot. Well done son. Nice bit of business by the club that, even if it nearly cost us our place in the top flight.
Sam Ashton is a goalkeeper whose one game for Bolton was as a substitute for Jared Borgetti in the FA Cup. It was probably at this time that the Mexican realised that his future didn't lie at the Reebok. Now first choice goalkeeper at FC United of Manchester. Sam that it, not Jared.
Błażej Augustyn is a Polish defender who was on the youth books at Bolton. Had the brains to not take up Sammy Lee's offer of a contract at the end of this time at the academy and went back home. Now playing for Calcio Catania in Serie A.

B:
Ryan Baldacchino was signed from Blackburn, which is never a good sign. Why would Blackburn want to sell Bolton a youth player? Did well at Gretna before they went out of business and is now at Bonnyrigg White Eagles of New South Wales, no doubt getting a nice tan.
Steve Banks was probably the unluckiest goalkeeper that Bolton had. Ostensibly the first choice keeper, he managed to injure himself early and never got his place back off a certain Mr. Jääskeläinen. Now player/coach at Dundee United.
Anthony Barness, in this writer's humble opinion, was an unsung hero in the early days of Bolton's current time in the top flight. Hard working and professional, like Simon Charlton, he is now at Lewes, who have just been relegated from the Conference.
Tal Ben Haim. Aaaahhh, the grass is sometimes not greener son. Rubbish at Chelsea, signed by City just before the Arabs took over (not good for an Israel international) Tal is quickly playing for more clubs than Frank Worthington.
Jared Borgetti, after getting over the shame of being substituted by a goalkeeper, is now playing for more clubs than Frank Worthington, currently at Puebla back in Mexico, his fourth club there in two years.
Con Boutsianis, Australian, plays in Australia. Lost his job at Bolton due to a criminal record. Australian, criminal record, who knew?
Daniel Braaten continues to cover himself in cock all glory at Toulouse where he went as a make weight in the Johan Elmander deal. Or Johan Elmander continues to cover himself in cock all glory at Bolton where he went as a make weight in the Daniel Braaten deal. You decide. One goal in thirty games. That's Daniel, etc.....
Michael Bridges doesn't seem to be able to tear himself away from Carlisle where he has just completed his third stint. A modern day Neil Whatmore.

See, we're only at the end of B and it's already covered fourteen players. Tune in soon when we get to C and Vincent Candela's retirement game with Luis Figo and Zinedine Zidane on a chariot. Oh yes.

The Bolton News....only just catching up.

2009-06-18T17:32:00.000+01:00

Yesterday we here at X Towers noticed the relative lack of fixture pile up against the "Big Four". This morning, and a full 22 hours and 30 minutes after the fixtures were published, the Bolton News caught up with the game.

Where's the tough month?

2009-06-17T14:44:00.000+01:00

Remember last New Year? Liverpool and Arsenal away and Stretford at home in the space of four games. Nothing like that this time. Where will his excuse for a tough month come from, unless you think December will be a killer?

Player in not very good Sam Allardyce signing shock!!

2009-06-16T16:14:00.000+01:00

When Blerim Džemaili signed for Bolton in the winter of 2006-2007, Big Sam Allardyce said the following.

"Džemaili is a fantastic player, who has played for the best team in Switzerland for the past three years. For someone so young, he has a wealth of experience. At the tender age of 20, he is the skipper of FC Zurich and is expected to become a regular international for Switzerland in the years ahead. He has hardly missed a game for FC Zurich since he started playing for them at the age of 17. I am excited by the prospect of working with Blerim next season".

Oh.Very.Dear. The next season saw Big Sam ensconsed at Newcastle and the new signing suffering an injury before he even arrived. One game, the FA Cup tie between Bolton Wanderers Reserves and Sheffield United Reserves in January 2008, and two managers later, Blerim was shipped off to a loan deal with Torino, who immediately managed to get themselves relegated, although whether these two outcomes are related is up for debate.

What is probably not up for debate is that sometimes the rose tinted spectacles of Big Sam's time at the club have to come off. Some shocking decisions in signings (Mario Jardel anyone?) may, and I say may in its loosest possible context, have been part of the reason why Gill Fartslime didn't release more funds to the manager, hastening his departure. At the same time as he signed Džemaili, Gerald Cid also made his way to the club. Add in Ibrahim Ba and you have a motley crew of players brought in by Bolton's favourite adopted son who make some of Sammy Lee's signings look positively inspired. Still doesn't explain why Mr Fartslime is bankrolling the Ginger Special One to the extent that he is though.