R.I.P. Bobby Robson

As you are no doubt aware, Sir Bobby Robson finally lost his brave battle against cancer earlier today. Without wishing to speak ill of the alive, you can't help but wonder if he would still be a better manager than the GSO even now.

Zat Knight has no idea about his new club....

This is our new signing, Zatyiah "Zat" Knight. He cost some money from Aston Villa. He has no idea about the recent history of Bolton Wanderers. Talking "exclusively" (we at The Towers have no idea why the rubbish website says "exclusively" every time they interview a player as this would mean that other outlets are after the interview, which they're not) to the rubbish website he has the following to say:

"It would be nice to try and get back into Europe because we haven't been there for the last few seasons and to have a good cup run and to win some silverware"

Whilst we appreciate that the Bolton News' circulation may not stretch all the way down the M6 surely someone should have told Zat that the last time Bolton were in Europe was just two years ago. Indeed in terms of months it is just 16 since the Sporting Lisbon debacle and shouldn't someone at the rubbish website have passed this information on to him or at least edited his comments? Good cup run? Well, my grandad can just about remember the last time that happened. And silverware? Living the dream or what?

He then goes on to mention that Bolton play "a style that suits me", which would appear to put another coffin in the nail that is the lie that the team will play more expansive football, as Bolton are a "hard team to beat"

Tomorrow: Sam Ricketts tells us how he has a picture of Kevin Davies pinned up on his bedroom wall as he has to recognise where most of his balls are going.

Welcome to our new........defenders.

You know when you have been promised one thing but are then delivered another, much like the good folk of Rock Ridge in Blazing Saddles. Well, here we are then. Now I have nothing against Sam Ricketts and Zat Knight, two players who I feel will bring more to the club than Stefan Dennis (the name by which Paul Robinson will now be known), but where is this flair player, the player that we have been promised will make Bolton play a more attractive brand of football? As we were told to expect six players this summer, now have four and are expectant of a fifth from the South of the Korea's, this leaves one more player. And who is this to be? Freddie Bodde? Fabian Delph? Cliff Richard?
While feeling that we have brought in more talent than at any time since the departure of Big Sam (not hard to be admitted), there is still a desperate need for another striker and a decent creative midfielder. If we have just the one transfer left, which position will be filled?

The Sunderland Echo report on Bolton's 1–1 draw at Borussia Munchinggladback gives an all too predictable scenario of Danny the Shit being shrugged off for the equalising goal by the Germans (although the official report on the rubbish website gives it to us somewhat differently). If all Danny had was his strength then this also appears to have gone but he may be on his way out anyway, along with the Badger and Ethan Hunt, an outcome that will not cause too many fans at T'Reebok to shed tears. Although, four in and three out will still give the GSO a pretty threadbare squad, a fact he has been crying about since the final day of last season.

Many congratulations go to a fresh faced bunch of lads who may go far as Bolton won through to the finals of the national OAPS five a side tournament at the MEN on Saturday. Richard Sneekes, David Lee, Simon Farnworth, Scott Green, Michael Johansen, Julian Darby, Allan Johnston, Grandma X's favourite Simon Charlton and voice of the balls Tony Kelly beating Oldham 2–1 in the final. Maybe a few shouts of "sign them up" at the final at the Ekkkkkoo Arena in September?

A not to miss night out on up at (down at?) Tuff Moor next month when the "Clarets Mad" (shum mishtake shurley) fan thingy has Martin Dobson, Paul Fletcher and Owen Coyle at a night they have advertised as "A Trio of Trotters" due to their connections with T'Wanderers back in the day. Now, whilst I am all for blowing the trumpet for Bolton over our numerous Lancashire rivals, Martin Dobson never played a game for Bolton, Paul Fletcher played more games for Burnley than he played for anyone else and Owen Coyle is currently....well you get the point. Obviously some form of hero worship from further up the road. They do say that it is somewhat tongue in cheek, although they do protest too much methinks.

Michael Ricketts you ask? Nothing, nada. Is this the end for our overweight, former England international's football career. Tune in sometime.

Hot off the press!!!

So, just after we published yesterday came the Bolton News with a tale that the first Ricketts in 6 years would be making his way T'Reebok. Then the BBC followed suit. So it must be true.
The Bolton News then blotted their copy book by giving us a tale of the bleeding obvious re the club needing another striker. Still, a better than normal strike rate from the local paper.

The rest of the news is just about Lee Chung-Yong going T'Reebok. If nothing, it keeps the club in the press, as there is a serious lack of anything else going on, bar the odd Zat Knight story rearing its head again. Richard at Vital Football has also noted this.

Really I cannot say anything else as there is seriously nothing to report, except for the person at Wikipedia who obviously doesn't understand the idea of work permits. Until Mrs X allows me on the computer again, have a good weekend.

Asthma....it's a killer.

Hello, dear reader, and welcome back after a week away. Yes it went well, except for the aforementioned asthma problems which is why this blog has been away for two days longer than it said it would. But you don't want to hear about that.

News: And Lee Chung-Yong (cue much xenophobic merriment when he arrives) has not yet signed for the Wanderers, although he is in "talks". Whether this means that he is the "flair player" that fans have been promised is not known, although the bet is he is. Now, stop me if I'm wrong but the of all the asian players that have done well in the Premiership, we had one (Nakata) and Stretford have one (Park) and.....well that's it. For the fast paced Premiership, people from the Far East just do not seem to have the stamina, more suited to our Southern European cousin's leagues. I'm not against people from other cultures having a go but it will take a special player and Mr Chung-Yong would not appear to be one. While it looks like he will join, work permit notwithstanding, I would stick my neck out and suggest that this is one of the GSO's more bizarre signings.

Mark Fish, yes THAT tosser, has managed to get himself a coaching job in his native Sith Africa. Along with Michael Ricketts, we at the Towers hope he falls on his arse.

Talking of Ricketts, the other one who currently plays for Hull has reportedly been the subject of some close scrutiny of Bolton. So, that'll be another defender then. But as Ricketts plays right back, if he is to move across T'Pennines, that should see the end to Nicky Hunt's Bolton career. Really, wouldn't it just be kinder to put him down?

A non starter story was Damien Duff leaving Newcastle for T'Reebok. Seeing as how Newcastle cannot do anything until they find a buyer, we at the Towers would have given this a minus mark out of 10, even before the MEN said it was pretty much a pile of something nasty.

And that is pretty much it for transfer news. In other news, however, Commercial Director Gareth "Gaz" Moores has cocked up once again, after already suggesting that sponsors prefer to watch Match of the Day than Super Sunday. You may have noticed that the club has been doing a day by day reveal of the new away kit (concensus: It's Crap). However, as the reserves played a friendly in the new kit at Leigh on Tuesday, photos appeared all over the internet, including here on Leigh's own website, two days before ours. Further proof indeed, that the Reebok is run by a bunch of monkeys banging a typewriter and hoping to one day come up with Hamlet.

In Nigeria, two season wonder and all round Bolton Wanderers icon, Jay-Jay "Austin" Okocha has been made an ambassador for Guinness. Besides asking myself how I can get a gig like that, a fondness for the black stuff finding me asleep in Piccadilly Gardens once upon a time, Guinness' MD, a man with an appropriate Irish name, said that Austin's "exceptional soccer achievements qualified him to become an ambassador of soccer". Well, OK, that is pretty much like saying "Hello, my name is Dave because my name is Dave" (proving that Gaz Moores is not the only person who can get their marketing line wrong). However, besides the article calling Austin "the former PSG dribbler" (which I again can sympathise with having done that many times after drinking Guinness), the one poster on the article suggest that this is the best thing to happen to Guinness for a long time, which may be slightly over egging the pudding.

Well done to the reserves for beating Leigh 4–1 on Tuesday in the aforementioned new away kit, Tope Obadeyi scoring twice. The reserves will need him next season, having been monumentally appalling last.

Michael Ricketts? Didn't play for Brighton and has "had his little spell here". Harsh.

L'attitude

Well, that's the booze packed, the wipes in, tshirts, sandals and wellies all in the car. The papers have been cancelled and X Towers is all locked up. No Wi-Fi means no blogging until next Tuesday. So I'll leave you with this wish. BUY A BLOODY FLAIR PLAYER BEFORE I GET BACK. I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE MEGSON!!!!

Beckham for Bolton.

With all this noise about going back to Milan and even going to the Saudi Arabian enclave of Gorton, it seems that Becks would prefer to move to the Reebok (Thanks to Dirty Tackle)

In other news, The Ginger Special One proclaims himself pleased that Paul Robinson has joined Bolton (so that'll be the whole of West Bromwich plus one then), but it all turns out that it's a bit of a tax fiddle to help West Brom and he's here for three years, reassuringly (Mr Robinson's words, not ours). Calls to the Greater Manchester Police fraud department have been placed. Nothing to do with the tax fiddle but for this idea that his being here on a three year deal is anything other than "reassuring".

Bolton may have to wait for Zat Knight as T'Villa have not yet put their plans into action to sign a defender, having been linked with Matthew Upson and Sylvain Distin. Which begs the obvious question, why haven't Bolton been linked with Upson and Distin? Ambition you say? Phhhhhhttt...

In May we reported that the Bolton shop in the town centre had been shut for refurbishment. GOOD NEWS! It's reopened for all your crap shirt needs. Ironically the Bolton section is at the back of the store, which may give you some idea as to what Messrs J&D think about the shirt.

The Korea Times gets its first ever mention from The Towers (although it's only quoting the BEN). According to both papers Lee Chung-yong, South Korean international may be plying his trade under Winter Hill come the new season. We give this an X-Towers rating of 9, not just because the GSO has actually said he wants him but also with Kim Jong-Il apparently being near death being nowhere near Korea may soon be a good idea.

Michael Ricketts watch this week has news about our very own former England international. He's on trial at Brighton, although what for we don't know. Oh, stop me now.

Today we have an exclusive interview with Gary Megson. Whilst this blog does not pretend to be the biggest fan of the GSO we thought it only fair to sit down with him and let us know his thoughts on the coming season. Unfortunately, X Towers funds do not run to a flight to Austria and a nice day in a spa so we gave him a call.

X: Gar, can I call you Gar, nice to speak to you. Can we start off with the transfer policy for the summer. Let's first talk about Paul Robinson.

GSO: I have said before and I will say again 'til I am red in the face that Paul Robinson is the kind of player that Bolton fans love. The fact that he is actually my secret love child and I have to sign him otherwise his mother will go to the press has nothing to do with it.

X: So, in effect, what you're saying is that, whilst in the past few years Bolton fans have got used to the exploits of Okocha, Campo, Hierro, Diouf and Anelka, your current transfer policy is to recruit your secret children?

GSO: That's right. At the beginning of the summer I gave Mr Fartslime a list of players that I wanted. Unfortunately I got it mixed up with my list for the Child Support Agency and now I'm in the bit of a spot.

X: So who can we expect to be coming in this summer?

GSO: Well, first of all there's Damian Lewis. We feel sure that he can he can be an effective back up to Jussi as we need to give my grandson Adam Bogdan some much needed loan experience.

X: OK, anyone else.

GSO: Well, that bird out of Desperate Housewives I recently discovered was my daughter. She is known to be a bit feisty in training but has a demeanour about her when the chips are down that I think that she will be a perfect playing partner for Gary Cahill.

X: Suuuurrreeee.....

GSO:.....and don't let me forget Dana Scully, she's been known to repel a few attacks and I see her fitting in well next to Gavin McCann

X: Now that's ridiculous, you do know that Gavin McCann as a footballer is a fictional character...?

GSO:....then I thought on the wing we could have the kid from "Mask". We need someone who can put up with taunts about our style of play and he's already got a thick skin.

X: ...err....Gary

GSO:...and up front I'm going to see if I can sign Bradley Branning.

X: Why?

GSO: You see, that's the problem with you people, you can't just let me get on with my job. The press understand me, especially the Bolton News. You fans have got no idea. Gill said that people in the game would understand my appointment and I've done the job I was asked to do. Now I want to build for the future and you people aren't letting me. You'll be sorry.....YOU'LL ALL BE SORRY!!

At that moment the phone seemed to fall to the floor and I could hear things being smashed and then all went silent. A couple of minutes passed and then a woman came on the phone.

Woman: Hello? Hello? Mulder? Is that you?

Then I put the phone down.

Extra!! Extra!!

There is not normally a missive from The Towers over the weekend but as we are locking up on Thursday and heading for the Latitude Festival we thought we would bring you an extra instalment. No need to thank us.

So, The Ginger Special One has finally got his man and Paul Robinson will be coming up the M6 (probably in a West Brom fan's car, just to make sure).The GSO has come up with the funniest quote of the summer so far by saying that ''He's the type of player Wanderers supporters will like", which proves he doesn't look at message boards and may be losing his grasp on reality.

Now, remember Jermaine Johnson? No? Well, he was part of the Jamaican influx at T'Reebok in the early part of the decade who, along with Donovan Ricketts, were seriously easy going and seriously out of their depth. Now, apparently, he is a constant menace to defenders on the football pitch, although whether this is for his footballing "skills", currently on show at Sheffield Wednesday, or for his pugilism is not known. However, the glowing report from Sports Jamaica seems to suggest that letting him go was one of Big Sam's bigger mistakes. Johnson does say that he is targeting the Premiership but it would appear that if he is he is doing it with the wrong Sheffield club.

TV news, and Gill Fartslime is no doubt unhappy concerning Bolton's solitary game before the cameras while Chelsea have seven in the first set of TV fixtures. And to make matters worse the game chosen is the notroiously tedious (bar double penalty saves and daft scouse ex captains being sent off) see who can kick the ball highest derby against Big Sam and his Rovers. Now to put this into perspective, Chelsea play some attractive football from time to time whereas Bolton.......well, you can see where I'm coming from. But, don't worry, Paul Robinson has arrived so that is all bound to change.
However, we are not worried quoth Bolton commerical director Gareth "I got us 188 Bet" Moores. Apparently, the sponsors care more about being seen on Match of the Day than on a live game. Err...Gaz mate. A game on Sky or ESPN is on for 90 mins, plus the bits before and after, and if you've ever tuned into MOTD to watch Bolton, Goals on Sunday has nearly started by the time our three minutes are shown. Does 188 Gareth actually watch MOTD or is he sat in a tower (or DeVere Whites as it's known) counting out the match receipts very carefully while Gill Fartslime stands there in a basque and tights with a stilleto on his throat.

And finally for now, the squad have all decamped on their pre season jolly annual camp to the Austrian mountains. According to the BEN, in an article of monumental arse licking, they go to a spa, which is nice if you're with a lady but ain't no good if you're in the jungle, to paraphrase Good Morning, Vietnam. To impress upon fans that this is not a laze around the hotel pool sticking flowers in their hair, the GSO tells us that sightseeing "IS OUT". Good job to. Imagine us all here, sitting in our credit crunch while our first team squad, plus Gavin McCann, galavante off to Heidi conventions and Sound of Music sing-a-longs. The GSO. He knows his stuff.

Ou ést Ricardo Vaz Té

It seems strange to believe but Ricardo Vaz Té has been hanging round T'Reebok for the better part of six years now. A member of the Portuguese U-21 squad for some time, but not many caps, it is interesting to note that he is only 18 months younger than Real Madrid's new number nine. It is also interesting to note that, even though he has never seemed to be in the first team, he has managed to rack up fifty eight league appearances since 2003. However, given the amount of games he has played, three (count them) three goals is not a good enough return. In games that Mrs X has allowed me to attend, he has always seemed to get to the edge of the penalty area with the ball and then fall over his legs, giving him the unfortunate sobriquet from the Lofthouse Lower of Bambi.
Now, and I bet you didn't know this, in the 2005-06 season he came fifth in the Bolton scoring charts, behind Stelios, the two Kevs and Borgetti, and did this when only starting eight games. Coupled with his scoring record for the reserves, the boy does seem to have something. Having missed the vast majority of last season, he has professed to now being stronger, and appears to have a nice new hair cut. With all the talk about needing a cultured midfielder, which is true, it can be forgotten that the club has a player who may just turn out to be like the proverbial "new signing". A bit of confidence in front of goal and the club may, MAY, have a 10 goal a season scorer, which can't be sniffed at.

No. 1. OFFICIAL.

YEEESSS!!!! To prove Bolton are good at something, our friends over at Off The Post have officially voted our monstrosity of a home kit at numero uno in the quite appallingly bad Premier League football shirts of next season. And they go on to concur with the whole of the Lofthouse Lower and their mum that Reebok have been foisting crappy tops on us for quite some time. Whatever happened to White. Just plain white. With a badge?

In other news, Sean Davis was presented to the media at T'Reebok and comes up with some guff about 23 being his lucky number and that's why he chose the shirt, but you've got to pay for the privilege. And the website is still rubbish.

Sky Sports (other websites are available) have confirmed more bids for Bodde and Robinson, with unconfirmed reports that West Brom fans are clubbing together for Robinson's train fare outta there.

The Crewe Chronicle have called T'Reebok "impressive" and apparently it is going to be used by a couple of birds kicking crap out of each other, Thai Style, sometime in September. Makes a change from Amir Khan doing it to other men. And Super Kev, for that matter.

The official line on Bolton Wanderers transfer policy.

It has been widely suggested on the BBC 606 forum that Bolton's transfer policy is to see who everyone else buys and then see what's left, bar the odd free transfer and a left back that West Brom fans want rid of....and quickly.
Not so says Bolton's assistant manager with the same name as the former Timmy Mallett sidekick in today's BEN. Bolton are being "deliberately methodical" in their approach he says, and then brings out the tired old line of the amount of players who have left the club who are still playing in the Premier League, which, granted, is not many but then again one of them has just gone down, Kevin Nolan who many expect to not be in the lower leagues for long, and the VAST majority now ply their trade in overseas top divisions and not the Championship and below. Obfuscation, smoke and mirrors? Oh, and Eidur is still available and Luis Garcia has become so.

Bolton have also been linked with Zat Knight. We give this an X-Towers rating of 8. AOB and Danny the Shit both had moments last season that would make Titus Bramble blush and Knight played alongside Cahill at the Villa. However, central defence is not where people are needed and there is a need for some sort of classy ball playing midfielder. Did I mention Eidur is still available. And Luis Garcia has become so.

Michael Rickett's globe trotting doesn't cease in this week's watch. He has just managed to get a sponsorship of $2million for a Jamaican football competition. Fully expect him to be running for President within the month.

Aaahh...the vagaries of shift work....

Have precluded me from putting anything down for the past week. But it's OK, cock all has happened.
Well except for, and welcome to you, Sean Davis, this may just be the best decision that you have ever made, including getting married and having kids (does he have kids?). You are the first part in the jigsaw of forever removing the general myth, prescribed by, well, just about everybody, that Bolton are a long ball, kick and rush team.




Good luck with that mate.