Assassination attempt!!!!

Arriving home last night I intended to update Wikipedia, as is my wont in my, some may say anal, life but found myself unable to after reading this edit. A better bit of prose to sum up the tackle I cannot imagine. It shows up the two facedness of Arsene Whinger, who would have quite happily killed Martin Taylor a couple of seasons back but last night was just counting the tackles from either side, as if that makes Gallas' tackle legal.

But don't let that fool you into thinking that Bolton deserved to get anything out of last night's game. 2-0 up after 43 minutes I made the mistake of leaving my seat early to get to the bar before Fat Frank and has naked stomach. Standing next the the actor Nicholas Gleaves (you'd know him if you saw him) I heard the Rosicky goal go in and we shared a look, both knowing that a loss was on the way. I don't quite know what Jussi was thinking when the ball left Rosicky's boot but I don't imagine for one second that he thought the ball was going anywhere near the goal due to his cat like reactions to it. That would be a cat that has been dead for a couple of weeks and is stinking underneath the floorboards.

It shows the paucity of the squad that the GSO left St. Owen that the best that could be offered in the substitution of little Davies was The Badger, who immediately managed to get himself booked. After that Arsenal just picked us off at leisure, although both goals could have been stopped if someone had managed to get a foot in. SuperKev did well in his lone striker role but Ivan had little chance to impose himself on the game when he came on for Lee. However, we knew that Coyle would and could not change the way the team played overnight and SuperKev is still our best outlet, but the way that we played to go two goals up was better than I have seen live in a long time. Oh, and you couldn't hear the Arsenal fans until the third goal.

So, into the cup weekend and a win against Sheffield United would go a long way to kickstarting the season. Hopefully a full strength(ish) side will be played to give them the idea of what beating a team feels like before the Dingles come to town. And that, friends, will be tasty.

Regeneration: Part I

It will not have escaped your attention that over the Christmas period one person left their position as the nation's favourite and was immediately replaced by someone else. Many a tear was shed nationwide as a radiation riddled Doctor went through that regeneration thingy. But this isn't a Dr Who fan site.

However, the imagery when it comes to Bolton Wanderers could be regarded as apposite. Our own regeneration happened over Christmas, a man, literally dead on his feet, was gone and was replaced by a fresher, younger outlook. Both sent to their fate due to the actions of a man with blonde hair. OK, John Simm's was dyed and Gavin McCann is only half blonde, but you get the point. And neither wanted to go. The Doctor said so and our manager may have seen it coming but certainly wasn't saying so in the interviews he gave after the Hull game. Of course, there the similarities end. Many didn't want to see The Doctor go and are now wondering where that will leave the franchise in the hands of a relatively untested actor. In Bolton's case......

Tomorrow, we'll look at the Coyle effect and how it has already transformed the club, the fans and the players. But today we will look at the reign of Gary Megson, the Ginger Mourinho or, as we called him at The Towers, the Ginger Special One (GSO).

It would be fair to say, to paraphrase Bill Shakespeare, that I come here to bury Gary, not to praise him. Bury him deep, like nuclear waste with a 10,000 year half life with no hope of it being seen this side of the apocalypse. It has been said a hundred times in the past couple of years that we didn't want him and that the people that Fat Phil said "know the game" didn't actually include any Bolton fans (or Leicester or Notts Forest fans for that matter). A smattering of good results, beating Stretford for example, getting a good result in Munich and taking the club further in Europe than Big Sam were all good points that he never seemed to be able to capitilise on. The debacle in Lisbon and the capitulation to Wigan three days later put a nail in his coffin that he could never get out. Fair, he kept the club up after the Sammy Lee farago but at the same time alienated fans favourites (Stelios, Campo, Diouf), couldn't put a reign on Kev Nolan's weight gain and didn't get half as much for Anelka that he could have. He bought badly, for every Cahill, a Rasiak and a Paul Robinson, for every Lee Chung-Yong a badly misplayed Elmander or Danny Shittu. I mean, Danny Shittu. That's £2million of your money that you'll never see again.

It seems almost surreal now that at the last Bolton game I went to, in the league cup at Chelsea, fans were singing his name. (What do you mean part time supporter? you aren't saving up for a 4 week honeymoon in the USA.) However that started the downward spiral that saw him gone. Bad tactics, bad substitutions, bad hair and a bad attitude led to his dismissal. He still pops up, spouting off the same "below Derby" "used 18 players in a season" (NO, YOU F'ING DIDN'T!!!), less money than others (but more than Big Sam) gubbins, but it is fair to say that he won't be missed at T'Reebok. And they put him on gardening leave, as he couldn't agree a compensation package. God he must hate us.

It's not like I wish the man dead or anything, I'm sure his family love him. In Sheffield, where he lives. And he will be back but at the level that he should be at, not managing in the rarefied atmosphere of The Premiership. I'm sure Altrincham are looking for a coach.

The Joys of Friendly Debate.

Mrs X said to me when I started this blog that I would never have the hope of keeping it going regularly, what with a full time job saving London from eating itself, plus planning our wedding and trying to keep my Mrs X Snr. from coming down every weekend. And it looks like she was right, bearing in mind how long it has taken since the last entry below, plus the fact the even the dismissal year long gardening leave bestowed upon the GSO and the appointment of St. Owen could not get me onto the keyboard. However, at the moment The Towers are open and we will be giving our not unknowledgable opinion of what happened over the Christmas period tomorrow. Suffice to say, we had a grin that could eat shit.

But for God's sake, aren't Arsenal a bunch of poor winners. Moaning about kicking, pulling of hair, leaning on people's necks, Fabregas not getting a penalty, the list goes on, and on. However look at any press report and nothing is mentioned of it, not even by the employers of Stan "Bolton are rotten to the core" Collymore, the Mirror. They even took over the board on the BBC 606 to tell Bolton fans how awful our team are. All of this is not new to those of us who look back fondly on Martin Keown's own goal and Lehmann's jitters whenever he played at T'Reebok. We get it, Arsenal hardly had an answer to Bolton for a few years and usually blamed it on a physicalness that they didn't have an answer for even though that usually only came from one man and a man whose attributes their captain, one Mr T. Henry Esq., once opined that he would like to bring into his game. And their players are not as squeaky clean as their fans think they are; Rosicky on Sunday wasn't as bad as the time Flamini tried to take Ricky off at the knee at The Library but was still worthy of more than a yellow card.

I'll be there tomorrow night, trying to avoid the spittle that usually reigns down from our North London friends seated above us. I'd take a brolly, but even though I live in the smoke, I'm still northern.

NEWSFLASH! Not only the Bolton News does lazy journalism.

Overnight, the man on your left temporarily became public enemy number three (behind the GSO and Gill Fartslime). His name is David Anderson and he wrote this piece in yesterday's Daily Mirror, in which he backed Mugson to get T'Wanderers out of the mire (whilst failing to mention that it was Gaz who has put us in the mire). Showing a complete lack of research he calls the fans "malcontents", talks about the selling of Anelka (who wanted to leave) and Fat Kev (who was fat) like it was an excuse to put Bolton in the situation we are in, mentions the reduced budget (you know, the one that has been increased) and says that he can't wait to see the faces of the boo-boys when we get relegated after he has been sacked. Well, my face will probably be like that of a crack addict who has scored for the first time in a week, as long as he goes. He naturally fails to mention Robinson, Knight, Elmander, Ricketts, Rasiak, the continuous playing of the Badger, the tactics, the bigging up of the opposition, the slagging off of the fans and the rapidly reducing attendance figures. Thank you Mr Anderson. If I actually bought The Mirror, I would stop.

If he actually wanted an idea of what Bolton fans have to put up with, he should really look no further than his press conference where our favourite manager says "In order to get out of this position we need to get in better players, better than we have got and better than the ones we would replace." This sounds similar to the clap trap that he pushed out last year before bringing in the players that he did. Which worked out well.

In other news, the Bolton PR machine has cranked out Super Kev to talk about getting a result on Saturday against Citeh, mentioning that when T'Wanderers were in a similar position last year we played the Council House Tenants and won. Ah, yes. That would be the Citeh who didn't have Shay Given in net, Lescott, Adebayor, Barry, Bellamy, Tevez etc. And the the manager himself does his usual trick and, you guessed it, bigs up the opposition. NURSE! PASS THE NEEDLE!

We failed to notice yesterday that in the article where Megson Speaks, Matt Taylor drops the info that the nickname for Lee Chung-Yong at the club is.....Chungy. Now, if the club cannot come up with a better nickname than that then surely it proves that there is no imagination at the club, either on or off the pitch.

In other news, Hansen surprisingly backs Citeh , Lofty says "Don't Drink and Drive at Xmas",especially if your a back flipping comedy lion and VitalQPR suggest Little Fergie is holding out for the Bolton job so won't go for theirs (at least he'll have Christmas off so the kids can play with their doddering old Grandpa).

A trip back north beckons for The Towers this weekend, although its boozing, not football that drags us back to the homeland. Until next time, as Arnie would say, stay frosty.

You're fooling no-one you know..?

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday have come and almost gone and still nothing has come out of the club about the expected termination of the GSO's contract. But, as Mrs X said to me last night, albeit in a scouse accent, what do you expect? It is now painfully obvious that even a loss to Citeh on Saturday will not release Gary's limpet like grasp on the job. In fact, we envision him being there for the game against Hull on December 29 and then, and only then, will the board make some kind of decision on his fate. Makes sense, even if it's nonsense. Why can't he do a Jim Magilton and smack Ricardo Gardner in the face while shouting "Rice and Peas" at the top of his voice?

Anyway, early reports this week suggest that a major PR exercise has been implemented down at T'Reebok as first Gary "Gaz" Cahill and then Matty "Matt" Taylor bigged up the boss with Gaz suggesting the bleeding obvious, that one win would lift the team and then Matt confirming what we all knew, that the GSO has a thick skin, broad shoulders and has "bought the tee shirt" in terms of management (although that has obviously never equated to winning anything). Hang on. Thick skin? Broad shoulders? Ginger Hair? Engandered species? Isn't that an orangutan?

Man of the people Tony "Tony" Kelly has also given his two pence worth by trying not to stick up for anybody, but failing miserably. Obviously not seeing the same game as everybody else did, the suggestion that Bolton chased the game after Wolves scored is nothing short of inspired comedy, seeing as how they battered T'Wanderers for the first 45 minutes, as anybody who had their ear on the commentary whilst turning the volume up when Chris Kamara turned up on the TV would tell you.

And after all this bigging up of the boss, what does the man himself say? Stop talking, start playing. So, the players say something one day, the manager tells them to put their words into action the next and we are supposed to think that the timing of these articles went unplanned? Purrrrllleeaaasse.

In other news not coming from the official mouthpiece Bolton News, Citeh stroll up to T'Reebok on Saturday suffering from a case of swine flu or two. Well, two. Craig Bellamy, first choice striker, multi tattoed behemoth of being a twat, and Valdimir Weiss (no, me either but he could probably score twice from his sick bed like Big Sam did last month) have fallen prey to the illness that if you were a real man like yours truly you would have got in the summer. However, even with this one and half men missing we should still get a spanking.

According to the Lib Dems, who have to do something due to never winning an election, Bolton rank in the top four for football affordability alongside a couple of Dingles and Sunderland. However, as many will tell you, you get what you pay for, and I'm sure that fans of Bolton will happily pay more to get some entertainment. I went to the Royal Albert Hall on Monday to see the Bootleg Beatles. Good crowd, great atmosphere, £18 ticket. However, to go and see the real thing I've had to pay £120 to see Paul Macca at T'O2 in a couple of weeks. While the Bootleg's were good value, it's nothing like seeing the better version. Do you see my point? Oh,and apparently, the beer at Chelski costs more than anywhere else, but when I went it was a nice pint with friendly staff, unlike the stuff you get in the Lofthouse Lower served to you by someone who was released from Stangeways last week. Not to ram home my point or anything.

'til tomorrow, fellow anarchists.

A bad dream.

If, like me, you woke up in the vain hope that the GSO had departed T'Reebok, a) what the hell are you doing up at 5am? I have to get to work in London, you probably don't and b) tough fing sheet. He's still there, still bleating out excuses and still blaming everyone but himself when it is clear to even my dead Irish Grandma who never saw a game of football in her life that it is the tactical genius that is Gary Megson that has put us in this place. This time next week we will undoubtedly be below Derby where he found us, more points from safety than we were when Little Sam got the tin tac.

It is always a dichotomy when you want your manager sacked but you want your team to win. Listening to the game on Saturday on the official website (that's Wolves' official website, co-commentator, value for money rather than Bolton's dour, rose tinted, by himself commentator) once the second goal had gone in, a wry smile formed on my lips, the thought that we wouldnt't have to put up with this drivel for much longer warming my heart. Then Elmander scored. Bastard! What do I do now? Everytime I heard the mention of Klasnic swivelling my desperation increased, not only when he missed again and we couldn't get a goal, which I wanted, but that he hadn't got a goal and the GSO was closer to being booted down the M61. It's an awful experience and is down to one man. No guesses.

So, to the papers.

Bolton should have buried the game by the time Megson did the bleeding obvious thing and decided to play two up front, bringing on Johan Elmander with 20 minutes to go. Even a blind man could see that Bolton needed to play two up front from the off. Thank you The Currant.

Bolton have now gone six games without a win and if the vitriol from both sets of fans was anything to go by, Megson is under increasing pressure. even if he has become used to it. 'I am not fearful for my job,' he said. The Nazi. I should be if I were you.

I wonder how long Gary Megson's got left at Bolton. Do you want that in hours, minutes or seconds Stan Collymore? The Mirror

Megson insisted he did not fear the result had pushed him closer to the sack, saying: “People talk about pressure, but there are three million people unemployed in this country.” Gary getting his sums wrong again but whatever figure it currently is, it will be plus one soon enough. The Express.

Bolton are compared to Black Adder Goes Forth (but not as funny) The Times

Bolton’s manager, Gary Megson, similarly harbours a desire to scramble through games rather than play decorative football. And fails. The Tory.

Bolton Wanderers' failure to do so (close Mikijas down) on Saturday cost them a goal and ultimately the game and, if their travelling supporters had anything to do with it, it would also cost their manager, Gary Megson, his job. Dear Santa, what I really want for Christmas is..... The Guardian.

Though Gary Megson is close to chairman Phil Gartside, the team's downward spiral must be prompting boardroom concern. I was always under the impression he slept in a box at the end of the bed. The Indy.

The sharpening of knives could be heard in both camps before the game, but at the end they were being pointed squarely at Gary Megson. The Screws.

After this match I feel that Megson is history. Shaun O'Gara in The Observer.

While Megson is convinced he has the players and the know-how to do just that, and reverse his side’s slide down the table, the number of people who agree with him is dwindling with each passing week. Some surprising negativity from The Former B.E.N.

Gary Megson's tenure as Bolton boss hangs by a thread after his team served up another dismal display at fellow strugglers Wolves. The M.E.N.

And the averages

Jussi 6.63
Steinsson 6.38
Cahill 5.92
AOB 5.47
JLS 5.02
LCY 6.20
Ricky 5.78
Badger 5.18
Cohen 5.31
Matty T 5.65
Klasnic 6.06

Elmander 5.68

Meaning the man of the match, for the nth time, is Jussi and the player who should be carrying the manager's suitcases for him is Jlloyd. However, he wasn't bad enough for Robinson to come back.

A death in the family...

...but that's not really an excuse for not writing for a month.

AH HA! And you thought I meant our beloved manager and his team. Not quite, although at the moment the life support is on and the emergency recuss unit is standing by. As someone said somewhere over the past few weeks, "It's like seeing a loved one slowly ebbing away.".

So now that X Towers has reopened and I have come out from behind the cushion, I can honestly say that it feels like a continuous nightmare at the moment supporting a team that appears to be fading fast. A good result at Fulham notwithstanding, the horror shows at Villa and at home to Chelsea and Blackburn have placed us in the position that if we don't get a result at Wolves tomorrow the only thing keeping us off the bottom is the bigger horror show down on the south coast. At the end of October fans were chanting Megson's name down at the Bridge, now it appears ever more ironic.

It may have been expected to lose to Chelsea and Villa, good teams both, but Blackburn were so woeful away from home it just didn't make sense to revert to The Badger in the middle of the park, at the expense of Lee or Little Davies. Blackburn were there for what must have been the taking but we basically gave Blackburn the game. Thank you Mr Ricketts. It would appear the Big Sam can beat us from his hospital bed.

And talking of the lack of defence, it occurred to many Bolton fans about, ooohhh, last June that the problems that Bolton had weren't at the back, they were at the front and in the middle of the park, so bringing in three unneeded defenders who weren't wanted at their previous clubs, two of which were the relegated West Bromwich Albion and the almost relegated and pre season relegation favourites Hull City. Stefan Dennis managed only three games before being benched, Sam Ricketts managed a bit longer before not understanding what it means when the keeper shouts "KEEPERS BALL" in a Finnish/Lancastrian accent and it took Zat Knight to score two own goals before the GSO decided he may have made a mistake there. That's about £10million of your money (if you include the fee paid to West Brom). Add on the £8.2million for Elmander and that's a lot of money that we aren't getting back.

So, we look to tomorrow in trepidation but hope that SuperKev being banned might make the GSO to change things around. Again, our opponents are there for the taking. So the Towers would be looking at the following formation:
Jussi - Steinsson, Cahill, AOB, Samuel - Lee, Little Davies, Cohen, Gardner - Kidneys, Elmander.

Although we won't.

So, our predictions for tomorrow:

1. Someone to mention "A Tale of Two Wanderers"
2. Someone to ask whether Bolton "Will miss their talisman, Kevin Davies".
3. Little Davies to get roundly booed.
4. A 1-1 draw.
5. Both teams to be at least 5 points from safety by Sunday night.