Sunday 31 May 2009

Calling The Ginger Prince

I have a friend back home in Manchester who's about 5'6", has ginger hair and is 35years old. His name is Scott and, in the days before children and the like, Saturday's used to be spent trying to complete "The Didsbury Dozen", the practice of having a pint in all, then twelve, pubs of Didsbury. If United had won that day, Scott used to be bombarded with thanks from the drunken hordes for his amazing game. Looking nothing like Paul Scholes and having little to no interest in football never stopped Scott sometimes accepting a free pint of Stella.
So now the currant are saying that Scholes is on his way to The Reebok. While this may be a silly season report, many teams in the Premiership would have him like a shot, even on the sort of wages that would make Lucas Neill blush. It would be quite a coup for Bolton to get him and his tackling would fit right into the world's blinkered view of The Wanderers.
Some of the comments underneath the story makes you wonder what game some United fans watch. Everyone knows that Scholes has always been an individual, doing what is right for him personally off the pitch. He may well feel that leaving United for another Premiership team is right for him. It is obvious that he enjoys playing football and he may feel that he has achieved all he can at Old Trafford and wants to play regular football again, which he would do most anywhere else. If he comes, great, if not and he ends up somewhere else then good luck to him. If he stays then I would say the same.

Unsung Heroes of Bolton Wanderers. 2. Michael Ricketts



MICHAEL RICKETTS YESTERDAY

Hang on, hang on. What's this you're saying. Michael Ricketts? MICHAEL RICKETTS?

Well, yes. Michael Ricketts. Alright, I've only ever seen two of our own players being booed by the crowd because they were angling for a move (Mark Fish being the other), but people seem to forget exactly what the aforementioned Mr Ricketts did in his two and a bit years at the club. Leading scorer in all three seasons that he was there, 24 in the first, 15 in the second and 7 in the last, the first Bolton player to play for England since Nat Lofthouse (not that he covered himself in glory), his goals were the reason Bolton had a chance of getting into the Premiership and then staying there. OK, he then believed his own hype, left for the graveyard of mediocre strikers that is Middlesbrough, scored against Bolton on the last day of the season that made the last few minutes slightly nervous (and celebrated a bit too much) and then won a League Cup winners medal against us, albeit for not playing very long. And then that was that. The list of clubs that he has played for since seems like a 21st century version of Frank Worthington, just without the talent. Leeds, Stoke, Burnley, Cardiff, Southend, Preston and Oldham all "enjoyed" his services, until he ended up where he had started, Walsall, from where he has just been released. To the above park bench. And still only 30.

Thursday 28 May 2009

Rubbish cornflakes

Back in 'the day', when I was having to cut down on food as it was getting in the way of my drinking, at times I had to go to Aldi's. In fact, there was nothing wrong with what they stocked, except for their version of Cornflakes, which proved the advertising slogan "If it doesn't say Kelloggs on the packet..." etc. One bowl, never again. Which makes the comment in Monday's Guardian about Hughes shopping at Fortnum and Mason's while the Ginger Special One shops at the aforementioned store seem quite apt when you see who Bolton have been linked with so far. The Evening News, amongst others, mentions Paul Robinson for about £1million. Don't panic Jussi fans. Not that one. Setanta Sports mention Matias Fernandez (although Big Sam is also after him) and Goal.com suggest Sylvain Distin. Now, and here's the rub, I didn't think that the problem was left back, where Robinson plays and Jlloyd was an ever present this season. Nor is it fundamentally at the back, although it has been suggested that we will need another central defender. No, it is plainly and simply at the front. So, Gary, mate, be linked with all the defenders you want. I'm not going to start biting until this supposed money you are going to spend gives me an erection. And I'm flaccid at the moment.

Wednesday 27 May 2009

Those ratings...albeit 3 days late.

What the papers said, and the average ratings from the papers, from Manchester City 1 - Bolton Wanderers 0.

"Only rarely threatened" The Sun

"Poor" The Mirror (with a special mention for Johan Elmander)

"Sluggish" The Star

"Never really in it" The Mail

"Only one threat" The Express

"Andy O’Brien would have earned Bolton an undeserved point but for Richard Dunne’s goal-line clearance." Telegraph

"Barely posed a threat" The Times

"Began the second half the better team" Independent

"Feeble" The Guardian

Onto the average ratings. With there being no Sunday papers giving ratings here are your, with one good and one poor, quite insipid average ratings for the last game of the season.

Jussi Jääskeläinen 7.32
Gary Cahill 6.82
Jlloyd Samuel 5.91
Gretar Steinsson 5.75
Matt Taylor 5.45
Kevin Davies 5.32
Danny Shittu 5.30
Mark Davies 5.13
Fabrice Muamba 5.13
Andy O'Brien (sub) 5.13
Gavin McCann 5.07
Chris Basham (sub) 5.07
Mustapha Riga (sub) 5.03
Johan Elmander 4.30

Rotation Counts

After a weekend away from ''The Smoke'' but in the only place in Oxfordshire where Wi-Fi is a question rather than a wireless router, Mrs X and I returned home to find out our final places in the Can You Kick It Fantasy League. Mrs X, for the third year running, is now owed a weekend away with a final total of 1737 to 1617. Then again she did use the rotation policy better than me, using 72 to my 34. Next year though.....

Saturday 23 May 2009

Lawro's predictions....Bolton safe on Survival Sunday

With plucky Hull City only picking up a draw against Manchester United on Sunday, Bolton's defeat at Citeh in the end doesn't matter. If you are Mark Lawrenson.

Friday 22 May 2009

Unsung Heroes of Bolton Wanderers. 1. Franck Passi



One of Big Sam's first "who he?" signings, Franck was already 32 when he signed for the Wanderers from SD Compostela. Two years of mainly substitute appearances later, he was gone and off into retirement. He is now, apparently, a scout for Olympique de Marseille in Africa. Which makes you wonder why Big Sam hasn't asked him to do some work for our friends 20 miles to the north.

Thursday 21 May 2009

Shop Shut


The club have announced that the Bolton town centre shop will be closed until mid summer due to refurbishment of the store that it is based in. So, for the time being, you can only buy this monstrosity from The Reebok. Don't think that there will be too much of a rush.


Dirtiest player.....well?

Over at Who Ate All The Pies they have published the list of the dirtiest players of the season and (stifles yawn) Kevin Davies has pulled off the most fouls than anybody, again. And they call him the poor man's Alan Shearer. Well, we at X Towers are a bit put out by this. Not by the fact that he has committed the most fouls, we can't shy away from that. But, and in no particular order, he is also regularly the most fouled player, he doesn't complain when he gets fouled and doesn't get a free kick, has never kicked anyone in the face (not even Robbie Savage), does have an opinion and is not being relegated come Sunday. Other than that, spot on.

Vicarious thanks from the manager.

Over the at the official Bolton Wanderers website, where, amongst other things, you will never find out how the youth team are doing from one month to the next, Chris Evans (no not that one, or the one that played the Human Torch in The Fantastic Four), our assistant manager has thanked the fans on the managers behalf. So, not only will the Ginger Special One not come out for the lap of (dis)honour at the end of the last game, he is hiding behind his assistant on the website. I'm going for a lie down..............

Wednesday 20 May 2009

End of Season Report

As there is but one game left, and there is the possibility that The Ginger Special One will play some reserves, (maybe; for once), it is time to give a verdict on the players and manager who have pushed Bolton to the heights of, ahem, 13th place.

Goalkeeper:
22. Jussi Jääskeläinen (played 37)
After faltering last season, and then injuring himself letting Ali Al-Habsi in for the last ten games, Anti Niemi's former Finland back up has come back better this year and is, along with the captain, probably the reason why Bolton have managed to not be involved in a relegation scrap. Some man of the match performances, especially in the last four games, would normally get him a mention in the Premier League team of the season. However, he doesn't play for United and isn't called Van Der Sar. Will go into Bolton's top ten most appearances if he plays against Citeh, alongside Warwick Rimmer.

26. Ali Al Habsi (played 0)
Some excellent bench warming from the Omani international.

Defence:
3. Jlloyd Samuel (played 37, scored 0)
Does his job, which is all you can ask. Has somehow managed to keep Ricky Gardner out of the team at times. At other times Ricky's old bones and frequently damaged ligaments have done the job for him.

5. Gary Cahill (played 31, scored 3)
Managed to get Bolton's one and only red card in the Carling Cup game against Northampton, (which obviously led to the club being knocked out and fuelled the flames about Bolton being the dirtiest team in the world), the future England captain, if some over zealous fans are to be believed, has probably been the best player in defence this season. Works well with whoever he is partnered with, be it AOB or The Shit. Obviously the same cannot be said about the partner. Not as good as Matthew Upson, according to the English Mafia.

15. Gretar Steinsson (played 36, scored 2)
You knew that Bolton were going to stay up when he scored from the corner flag against Stoke in the first game of the season, the game that meant that Stoke were obviously going down (errrr....?). An increasingly stupid hairstyle and more body art than Jonathan Greening (OK, maybe not) should not take anything away from a solid season.

19. Sébastien Puygrenier (played 7, scored 1)
In the Ginger Special One's ever desperate search to find a central defender to play alongside Gary Cahill, he plumped to loan Zenit St. Petersburg's 1oth choice central defender in January. Scored one goal and is outta here.

24. Mr Daniel Shittu esq. (played 8, scored 0)
If anything sums up the head scratching that went on when the Ginger Special One signed the beforehand unheralded, unsung and, lets be fair, unable to play in the Premiership defender with the unfortunate surname it was Hull's equaliser in the penultimate game. A quite catastrophic waste of £2million. That he keeps on insisting on playing.

31. Andy O'Brien (played 33, scored 1)
Cahill's best partner, one of the few Sammy Lee signings to survive the "quantity rather than quality" cull. Amazingly, is only 29 and in my Football Manager game Trappatoni keeps on picking him. Somehow get the feeling he may be going over the summer.

''Special mention'' 2. Nicky Hunt. Hasn't played a game, spent a couple of months at Birmingham in the winter, but somehow managed to get himself booked while on the subs bench at Portsmouth. Many congratulations to Bolton's answer to Susan Boyle (and I'm not talking about her singing skills).


Midfield:
4. Kevin Nolan (played 20, scored 0)
A bit of a shock when he left for Newcastle in January for £4million during the January transfer window, although part of the shock was that someone would pay that much for him. The former captain had been a good servant, one of a number of players to come through the Academy, but he had grown stale ever since talk of him getting into the England squad had started three years previously. Lived up to some people's expectations of Bolton players past and present by almost removing Victor Anichebe's ankle from the rest of his body barely three games into his Newcastle career and has lost some Bolton fans by saying going to Newcastle was a "step up". Err...Kev....

6. Fabrice Muamba (played 37, scored 0)
An enigma is Fabrice. Seems to have a lot of people after his services and has already cost £9million in transfer fees. An England Under-21 international and yet you just can't put your finger on him. Has even been overshadowed by Gavin McCann and that, my friends, is saying something.

7. Matthew Taylor (played 33, scored 10)
Go on, when was the last time a Bolton midfield player scored 10 goals in a season? Christ, when was the last time a Bolton player scored 10 in a top flight season? Vies with Cahill for the Ginger Special One's best buy, I was sat behind the goal when his exocet against West Ham went in. Has even been mentioned in despatches for the England left wing, but then again the only two left footed midfield English players are Stewart Downing and Matty and Matty plays for Bolton.

8. Joey O'Brien (played 7, scored 0)
Is this right? Did Joey OB play this season?

11. Ricardo Gardner (played 28, scored 4)
You wait two centuries for a Ricardo Gardner goal and then four come along in the same season. Once upon a time a more prolific goalscorer, the most laid back defender since Rio Ferdinand has again had an unfortunate time with injuries, plus he plays for a manager who doesn't seem to like playing people who sport dreads.

16. Mark Davies (played 9, scored 0)
The reason why all the people who bought Davies shirts at the beginning of the season in January had to troop down the souvenir shop and have a K and a full stop added, at undoubtedly added expense (our man Gartside, never misses a trick) a good first season was staccatoed by an injury. Looks promising and could be the new Nolan once he has had a pre season under his belt. That's the Nolan of 2001-2005, not the one that will be playing away at Doncaster next season.

17. Riga Mustapha/Mustapha Riga (played 16, scored 0)
The other dreadlocked player. The Ginger Special One must think it gets in their eyes or something. At Craven Cottage the fans were pleading for him to come on after half time and it took,oooohhh, 35 minutes for that to happen, when he then caused the Fulham defence problems. The above should probably say Sub:Riga Mustapha.

19. Gavin McCann (played 32, scored 0)
No, sorry, The Badgers time is running out. Somewhere around the time Gardner was scoring goals Badger seemed to be consigned to the subs bench. Then Ricky's calf/leg/arse went again and he was back in. But the game seems to pass him by now.

25. Tamir Cohen (played 4, scored 1)
The Ginger Special One's first signing, everyone had forgotten about him until he scored against Villa. Started the next game and was then substituted by Davies Jnr against Sunderland, when the game got better for Bolton. Which sums him up.

30. Chris Basham (played 10, scored 1)
In that ridiculous 10 minutes against Chelsea, those of us in the upper echelons of the Shed End couldn't believe what we were seeing. And we weren't the only ones in the ground. He's only 20, he's been on loan at Stafford and Rochdale and he almost ran the game from then on. One to be looked at and to be offered a new contract.

Striker:
9. Johan Elmander (played 28, scored 5)
Seeing him in the draw against Sunderland he seemed to be so lacking in confidence you could have substituted him with my 77 year old, Parkinson's suffering, hardly any football knowledge mother, who was sitting beside me and pointed out that "He's not having a good game is he". Why the Ginger Special One insists on persisting with him when a spell on the bench, hell, in the reserves, would probably do him the world of good is anyone's guess. Yes, he probably is worth the £8.2million paid for him but he has not been handled right by the manager.

10. Ebi Smolarek (played 13, scored 0)
Anyone who saw Soccer A.M.'s Crossbar Challenge would have seen The Dope Fiend come up to the camera and say "I don't know what I'm doing here". Whether he meant the challenge or the club is anyone's guess, but I've got my own opinion. If there was no intention to play him in 2009, which there doesn't appear to have been, he should have been cut loose and sent back to Santander. 19 goals in 40 appearances for Poland is a good record compared to Elmander's 11 in 39 for Sweden. Goodbye Ebi, and good luck.

14. Kevin Davies (played 37, scored 12)
Let us just look at the facts. Carlton Cole has scored 9 goals IN TOTAL for West Ham this season, Darren Bent, a permanent misfit in the national team, has scored the same amount but at the time had scored less and was a figure of fun for his manager, and yet the player that Thierry Henry would like to be was still not picked for the national team. Seven years after Walsall's leading striker picked up his two caps (the first and the last) while playing for Bolton proof if proof was needed that Bolton isn't near London.

18. Heiðar Helguson (played 1, scored 0)
One game, no goal, off to QPR with you.

20. Ricardo Vaz Té (played 2, scored 0)
Whilst he was unlucky with injuries this season, Bambi is at that stage where if he doesn't transfer his goalscoring feats from the reserves to the first team he and the club should think seriously about moving on. Three goals in 58 games tell their own story. Worth one more punt though.

21. Ariza Makukula (played 6, scored 0)
Seriously, where does he find these people? He's played for Portugal you say? They're a one man team anyway.

35. Tope Obadeyi (played3, scored 0)
Seems to be a good prospect. Leading scorer for the underperforming reserve side, could probably do with a loan spell away.

There ladies and gentlemen, the 24 (not 18 as the manager if preaching) players who have performed for Lancashire's/North Greater Manchester's finest. Which leaves only one person.

The Manager:
Gary Megson.
Now, I will come out straight away and say that I don't like the man's managerial style. Not necessarily his playing style, but God knows that's bad enough. Fans travel great distances to go to games, although as I live in London I travel great distances for home games, and should be treated with some sort of respect. He has never tried to build bridges with the clubs life blood, I have never seen him come to applaud them and I have never seen him make the players go across (the 4-3 at Stamford Bridge especially galling after we had out sang the home fans). His blaming of the players for not playing well although they had played in the style that he had told them to, baffling team choices (Elmander a particular favourite), poor substitutions, late substitutions, poor loan deals (why have them if your not going to play them), bigging up teams that you are playing next, not going for the kill, except against Sunderland (away) and Boro (home). He has done his job, he saved Bolton from the drop last season and this season there has never been any real danger of going down. More of the same next season though, especially with the money he has shelled out, will make the amount of time he is given by the fans become even shorter.
 

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