NEWSFLASH! Not only the Bolton News does lazy journalism.

Overnight, the man on your left temporarily became public enemy number three (behind the GSO and Gill Fartslime). His name is David Anderson and he wrote this piece in yesterday's Daily Mirror, in which he backed Mugson to get T'Wanderers out of the mire (whilst failing to mention that it was Gaz who has put us in the mire). Showing a complete lack of research he calls the fans "malcontents", talks about the selling of Anelka (who wanted to leave) and Fat Kev (who was fat) like it was an excuse to put Bolton in the situation we are in, mentions the reduced budget (you know, the one that has been increased) and says that he can't wait to see the faces of the boo-boys when we get relegated after he has been sacked. Well, my face will probably be like that of a crack addict who has scored for the first time in a week, as long as he goes. He naturally fails to mention Robinson, Knight, Elmander, Ricketts, Rasiak, the continuous playing of the Badger, the tactics, the bigging up of the opposition, the slagging off of the fans and the rapidly reducing attendance figures. Thank you Mr Anderson. If I actually bought The Mirror, I would stop.

If he actually wanted an idea of what Bolton fans have to put up with, he should really look no further than his press conference where our favourite manager says "In order to get out of this position we need to get in better players, better than we have got and better than the ones we would replace." This sounds similar to the clap trap that he pushed out last year before bringing in the players that he did. Which worked out well.

In other news, the Bolton PR machine has cranked out Super Kev to talk about getting a result on Saturday against Citeh, mentioning that when T'Wanderers were in a similar position last year we played the Council House Tenants and won. Ah, yes. That would be the Citeh who didn't have Shay Given in net, Lescott, Adebayor, Barry, Bellamy, Tevez etc. And the the manager himself does his usual trick and, you guessed it, bigs up the opposition. NURSE! PASS THE NEEDLE!

We failed to notice yesterday that in the article where Megson Speaks, Matt Taylor drops the info that the nickname for Lee Chung-Yong at the club is.....Chungy. Now, if the club cannot come up with a better nickname than that then surely it proves that there is no imagination at the club, either on or off the pitch.

In other news, Hansen surprisingly backs Citeh , Lofty says "Don't Drink and Drive at Xmas",especially if your a back flipping comedy lion and VitalQPR suggest Little Fergie is holding out for the Bolton job so won't go for theirs (at least he'll have Christmas off so the kids can play with their doddering old Grandpa).

A trip back north beckons for The Towers this weekend, although its boozing, not football that drags us back to the homeland. Until next time, as Arnie would say, stay frosty.

You're fooling no-one you know..?

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday have come and almost gone and still nothing has come out of the club about the expected termination of the GSO's contract. But, as Mrs X said to me last night, albeit in a scouse accent, what do you expect? It is now painfully obvious that even a loss to Citeh on Saturday will not release Gary's limpet like grasp on the job. In fact, we envision him being there for the game against Hull on December 29 and then, and only then, will the board make some kind of decision on his fate. Makes sense, even if it's nonsense. Why can't he do a Jim Magilton and smack Ricardo Gardner in the face while shouting "Rice and Peas" at the top of his voice?

Anyway, early reports this week suggest that a major PR exercise has been implemented down at T'Reebok as first Gary "Gaz" Cahill and then Matty "Matt" Taylor bigged up the boss with Gaz suggesting the bleeding obvious, that one win would lift the team and then Matt confirming what we all knew, that the GSO has a thick skin, broad shoulders and has "bought the tee shirt" in terms of management (although that has obviously never equated to winning anything). Hang on. Thick skin? Broad shoulders? Ginger Hair? Engandered species? Isn't that an orangutan?

Man of the people Tony "Tony" Kelly has also given his two pence worth by trying not to stick up for anybody, but failing miserably. Obviously not seeing the same game as everybody else did, the suggestion that Bolton chased the game after Wolves scored is nothing short of inspired comedy, seeing as how they battered T'Wanderers for the first 45 minutes, as anybody who had their ear on the commentary whilst turning the volume up when Chris Kamara turned up on the TV would tell you.

And after all this bigging up of the boss, what does the man himself say? Stop talking, start playing. So, the players say something one day, the manager tells them to put their words into action the next and we are supposed to think that the timing of these articles went unplanned? Purrrrllleeaaasse.

In other news not coming from the official mouthpiece Bolton News, Citeh stroll up to T'Reebok on Saturday suffering from a case of swine flu or two. Well, two. Craig Bellamy, first choice striker, multi tattoed behemoth of being a twat, and Valdimir Weiss (no, me either but he could probably score twice from his sick bed like Big Sam did last month) have fallen prey to the illness that if you were a real man like yours truly you would have got in the summer. However, even with this one and half men missing we should still get a spanking.

According to the Lib Dems, who have to do something due to never winning an election, Bolton rank in the top four for football affordability alongside a couple of Dingles and Sunderland. However, as many will tell you, you get what you pay for, and I'm sure that fans of Bolton will happily pay more to get some entertainment. I went to the Royal Albert Hall on Monday to see the Bootleg Beatles. Good crowd, great atmosphere, £18 ticket. However, to go and see the real thing I've had to pay £120 to see Paul Macca at T'O2 in a couple of weeks. While the Bootleg's were good value, it's nothing like seeing the better version. Do you see my point? Oh,and apparently, the beer at Chelski costs more than anywhere else, but when I went it was a nice pint with friendly staff, unlike the stuff you get in the Lofthouse Lower served to you by someone who was released from Stangeways last week. Not to ram home my point or anything.

'til tomorrow, fellow anarchists.

A bad dream.

If, like me, you woke up in the vain hope that the GSO had departed T'Reebok, a) what the hell are you doing up at 5am? I have to get to work in London, you probably don't and b) tough fing sheet. He's still there, still bleating out excuses and still blaming everyone but himself when it is clear to even my dead Irish Grandma who never saw a game of football in her life that it is the tactical genius that is Gary Megson that has put us in this place. This time next week we will undoubtedly be below Derby where he found us, more points from safety than we were when Little Sam got the tin tac.

It is always a dichotomy when you want your manager sacked but you want your team to win. Listening to the game on Saturday on the official website (that's Wolves' official website, co-commentator, value for money rather than Bolton's dour, rose tinted, by himself commentator) once the second goal had gone in, a wry smile formed on my lips, the thought that we wouldnt't have to put up with this drivel for much longer warming my heart. Then Elmander scored. Bastard! What do I do now? Everytime I heard the mention of Klasnic swivelling my desperation increased, not only when he missed again and we couldn't get a goal, which I wanted, but that he hadn't got a goal and the GSO was closer to being booted down the M61. It's an awful experience and is down to one man. No guesses.

So, to the papers.

Bolton should have buried the game by the time Megson did the bleeding obvious thing and decided to play two up front, bringing on Johan Elmander with 20 minutes to go. Even a blind man could see that Bolton needed to play two up front from the off. Thank you The Currant.

Bolton have now gone six games without a win and if the vitriol from both sets of fans was anything to go by, Megson is under increasing pressure. even if he has become used to it. 'I am not fearful for my job,' he said. The Nazi. I should be if I were you.

I wonder how long Gary Megson's got left at Bolton. Do you want that in hours, minutes or seconds Stan Collymore? The Mirror

Megson insisted he did not fear the result had pushed him closer to the sack, saying: “People talk about pressure, but there are three million people unemployed in this country.” Gary getting his sums wrong again but whatever figure it currently is, it will be plus one soon enough. The Express.

Bolton are compared to Black Adder Goes Forth (but not as funny) The Times

Bolton’s manager, Gary Megson, similarly harbours a desire to scramble through games rather than play decorative football. And fails. The Tory.

Bolton Wanderers' failure to do so (close Mikijas down) on Saturday cost them a goal and ultimately the game and, if their travelling supporters had anything to do with it, it would also cost their manager, Gary Megson, his job. Dear Santa, what I really want for Christmas is..... The Guardian.

Though Gary Megson is close to chairman Phil Gartside, the team's downward spiral must be prompting boardroom concern. I was always under the impression he slept in a box at the end of the bed. The Indy.

The sharpening of knives could be heard in both camps before the game, but at the end they were being pointed squarely at Gary Megson. The Screws.

After this match I feel that Megson is history. Shaun O'Gara in The Observer.

While Megson is convinced he has the players and the know-how to do just that, and reverse his side’s slide down the table, the number of people who agree with him is dwindling with each passing week. Some surprising negativity from The Former B.E.N.

Gary Megson's tenure as Bolton boss hangs by a thread after his team served up another dismal display at fellow strugglers Wolves. The M.E.N.

And the averages

Jussi 6.63
Steinsson 6.38
Cahill 5.92
AOB 5.47
JLS 5.02
LCY 6.20
Ricky 5.78
Badger 5.18
Cohen 5.31
Matty T 5.65
Klasnic 6.06

Elmander 5.68

Meaning the man of the match, for the nth time, is Jussi and the player who should be carrying the manager's suitcases for him is Jlloyd. However, he wasn't bad enough for Robinson to come back.

A death in the family...

...but that's not really an excuse for not writing for a month.

AH HA! And you thought I meant our beloved manager and his team. Not quite, although at the moment the life support is on and the emergency recuss unit is standing by. As someone said somewhere over the past few weeks, "It's like seeing a loved one slowly ebbing away.".

So now that X Towers has reopened and I have come out from behind the cushion, I can honestly say that it feels like a continuous nightmare at the moment supporting a team that appears to be fading fast. A good result at Fulham notwithstanding, the horror shows at Villa and at home to Chelsea and Blackburn have placed us in the position that if we don't get a result at Wolves tomorrow the only thing keeping us off the bottom is the bigger horror show down on the south coast. At the end of October fans were chanting Megson's name down at the Bridge, now it appears ever more ironic.

It may have been expected to lose to Chelsea and Villa, good teams both, but Blackburn were so woeful away from home it just didn't make sense to revert to The Badger in the middle of the park, at the expense of Lee or Little Davies. Blackburn were there for what must have been the taking but we basically gave Blackburn the game. Thank you Mr Ricketts. It would appear the Big Sam can beat us from his hospital bed.

And talking of the lack of defence, it occurred to many Bolton fans about, ooohhh, last June that the problems that Bolton had weren't at the back, they were at the front and in the middle of the park, so bringing in three unneeded defenders who weren't wanted at their previous clubs, two of which were the relegated West Bromwich Albion and the almost relegated and pre season relegation favourites Hull City. Stefan Dennis managed only three games before being benched, Sam Ricketts managed a bit longer before not understanding what it means when the keeper shouts "KEEPERS BALL" in a Finnish/Lancastrian accent and it took Zat Knight to score two own goals before the GSO decided he may have made a mistake there. That's about £10million of your money (if you include the fee paid to West Brom). Add on the £8.2million for Elmander and that's a lot of money that we aren't getting back.

So, we look to tomorrow in trepidation but hope that SuperKev being banned might make the GSO to change things around. Again, our opponents are there for the taking. So the Towers would be looking at the following formation:
Jussi - Steinsson, Cahill, AOB, Samuel - Lee, Little Davies, Cohen, Gardner - Kidneys, Elmander.

Although we won't.

So, our predictions for tomorrow:

1. Someone to mention "A Tale of Two Wanderers"
2. Someone to ask whether Bolton "Will miss their talisman, Kevin Davies".
3. Little Davies to get roundly booed.
4. A 1-1 draw.
5. Both teams to be at least 5 points from safety by Sunday night.

We predict a riot.....

Look to your left. It's some bloke scoring for Chelsea on Wednesday. Expect to see some more of that tomorrow.

There is no getting round it. Yes, Bolton have some players back tomorrow. Chelsea have a team, excepting Joe Cole. Bolton's defence is as shaky as a Rowntree's jelly in a high wind that's being shaken by Giant Haystack's ghost and Drogba and Anelka will probably get a couple, each.

There, that's sorted out the need to worry about underestimation.

We predict:

1. Bolton to win 2-0. In my dreams tonight.

2. Anelka to pull that daft celebration of his. Twice.

3. No singing of "Megson, Megson, give us a wave". At any point. Well, I won't be there to lead them, will I?

4. Bolton's two attacks to not make MOTD.

5. Ancelotti, Terry and Lampard to all say "You know what you'll get with Bolton". Oh piss off.

Bait your breath, til tomorrow.

Our on the spot reporter with an on the spot report.

HEINKEKEN COSTS £3.50 PER PINT AT STAMFORD BRIDGE. PERSON WHO LIVES IN LONDON UNSURPRISED.

Yes, it's true, the price of a pint of lager at the game last night was £3.50. Which is about as much as I pay down the local for a pint of Fosters. Which, for once, makes something at Chelsea underpriced.

As for the game, if that is what people think is an improvement then I would genuinely have hated to see the Sunderland and Stoke games. OK, I appreciate that players have to be rested, Jussi and SuperKev are quite possibly the most important players in the team and I know that Big Sam rested players in the year we got to the final, but Lee and Cohen have played themselves into the team and we are still at the beginning of the season. This was a big game, a chance to put one over a big four side and we had a chance, albeit slim, of making it to Wembley. A wasted opportunity.

Of the players who came in, Al-Habsi could have possibly done better with a couple of goals, little Davies was non-existent and Steinsson was rightly taken off at half time. Only Kidneys seemed to be up for the game. As for the regular starters, I can only say yes, Zat Knight really is that crap.

However the fans were excellent, a lot of standing went on with a lot of stewards not earning their money. The Chelsea fans were outsung, which isn't hard as they didn't sing at all. As my season ticket holding, Chelsea supporting mucker, who didn't go to the game but met in the pub afterwards said: "Tourists".

As for the manager, it did feel quite surreal being 3-0 down and singing his name. Irony or truth, you be the judge.

As for the papers:

Gary Megson's team were never at the races. The Currant

Bolton's damage-limitation exercise had clearly not worked The Mirror

Chelsea never looked like missing out on a place in the last eight of the Carling Cup. The Nazi

This comfortable rolling over of hapless Bolton. The Express

Bolton offered little resistance. The Tory

Chelsea show class in easing way past Bolton’s pussycats. The Times

There was something almost contemptuous about the way they dismissed Bolton last night. The Indy

This was a breeze. The Granuiad

Forget swine flu - Bolton were caught cold by a bad dose of Kalou at Stamford Bridge. The M.E.N.

On this evidence, Wanderers might well be pig sick of the sight of Chelsea by the end of the week. The former B.E.N.

Bless the local papers to bring in a bit of comedy....anyway to today's guest publication:

They were able to sweep Bolton aside, without playing at full pelt. The London Free Paper (formerly The Standard)

Finally, and in the current spirit of entente cordiale, a quick word from the GSO:

“The fans were terrific, full stop. It was 4-0 and they were still singing, and we need that."

Fence repairing a-go-go.

Until sometime tomorrow, fellow masochists.

Chelski 'B' v Bolton.

To The Bridge tonight to watch T'Wanderers play a version of Chelsea that is probably not worth the £20 ticket price, except maybe Joe Cole. (Note to burglars in the East London area, Mrs X will be patrolling The Towers, so don't try it). Of little doubt is that The Reebok's favourite Muslim convert ex player won't be playing, although that won't stop those who have made the free trip down from Horwich singing his name.

Talking about the game in The Sycophant Bolton News, Gary "Gaz" Cahill says, bearing in mind the game at T' Reebok on Saturday

"We have got them again on Saturday, so we’ll know all about them by then."

Well, we'll know about Joe Cole.

Also taking to the Bolton Wanderers Inhouse Publication former BEN, SuperKevin Davies says

"They are playing really well and maybe they’ll change a few players"

Like ten of them.

And to complete the set, the GSO has bigged up the opposition, as per usual, in this case saying about Carlo Ancelotti.

"He isn’t one of these managers who shouts from the rooftops how wonderful he is. He just gets on with a really good job. He’s a class act."

Which would mean that, after his comments on Friday, Gaz considers himself an under class.

Swine Flu alert in the London Lite last night. No, not an alert to the fact that some of Bolton's player have/had the virus, but a cunning pun on those of our London cousins who may not be aware of T'Wanderers nickname.

So, how does The Towers feel about the game. There is a definite chance here, a full team shoud be able to stick it up a Chelsea reserve side. They're certainly not a bad side, they wouldn't be playing for Chelsea if they were, and hands should be snapped off if they came up for sale. However, they aren't a side like Trafford's reserve side and we expect a victory, although probably in extra time, which may make the price of the ticket worthwhile. 3-2 anyone.

Finally, a quick word for another Bolton blog, affiliated to The Offside. A match report without watching the match and actually playing rugby? Some of us dragged ourselves out of bed on Monday morning after a night shift to watch the repeat of Football First. Some people are just part time.

Gary Megson IS a football genius.

And not just because he says so. Well, alright, maybe it is partly because he says so but results don't lie and we are glad to say that this weeks ABM-(Anyone But Megson)-O-Meter lies at a healthy 68%. As in, 68% of the time I still don't want him managing my club. Better than the 120% it was two months ago.

Whilst lying in some sort of stupor and keeping up with yesterday's game on the BBC website I could not but help notice that the words Jaaskelainen and Save were mentioned in the same sentence quite a lot. It would appear therefore that some sort of defensive cover is needed, or he could just save money and put last seasons back four together again.

So, after the praise of last week, how did Monday's papers reflect yesterday's game?

Bolton set the tone by attacking from the off. They could have been two up in five minutes as their route-one approach carved chances for Tamir Cohen and Kevin Davies. The Currant

OK then......

There was an air of inevitability that they would concede and Bolton made the breakthrough with a patient and well-executed goal. The Mirror

Far more like it....

It was not the first time Moyes’ side had been caught out by a typically direct Bolton attack. The Nazi


Errr....?

Bolton Wanderers' stubborn victory over Everton The Tory

(On the first goal) It was no more than Bolton deserved. The Times

Gary Megson completed two years as Bolton's manager, and for most of that time he has been about as popular as flatulence in a lift. The Guardian, as always, gets to the truth.

Of course, the one thing they all focused on was that Ivan Klasnic has had two kidney transplants (although The Times mentions the spitting at John Terry but misses the probability that the virtuous Terry punched Klasnic in the lower back.). Now that he has scored his first goal, let's hope that that is the last time we hear about it. Doubtful, especially if he scores in one of the two Chelski games this week.

Bolton v Everton - Our predictions

1. The game not to get a mention during any part of "Super Sunday"

2. MOTD2 to mention that the GSO and Diddy David Moyes have the same hair colour.

3. MOTD2 to focus primarily on what is going wrong at Goodison at the moment due to the....

4. 2-1 loss they will suffer.

5. Sections of the crowd to start singing "Ginger Mourinho" again. The GSO to brand them as "tossers".

Elsewhere On The Web.

Gary Megson is not a tranfer genius Vital

Everton may be torn a new one on Sunday The Wanderer

Bolton are after more defenders. (Surely we have enough to put out two teams of defenders?) BWFC24

Riga's Off Burnden Aces

Hello, my name is Gary O'Cahill

When it comes to players on the edge of the England squad, Bolton have had their fair share over the past couple of years. Fat Kev was almost always the pundits bet to be in squads leading up to the 2006 World Cup (Jermaine Jenas went) and SuperKev and Gary Cahill were in the long list in the early days of Fabio's reign and now Gary has made it into the squad and it can only be a matter of time before he gets his first cap, especially as Lescott has shown he's not worth the price tag and it has been found that the best defender at West Ham was Collins and not Upson not that Collins is at West Ham. So, while one could explain why FatKev may want to jump to the Oirish Republic and Trigger McAteer did fifteen odd years go, there would be no reason for the third behind Terry and Rio second best central defender in the country to move nationalities. The good old Mirror, even why they have something nice to say about Bolton, they get it wrong.

Man of the people, Tony Kelly, is making it known what a big hearted guy the GSO is. Speaking the bleeding obvious, Tony states that many supporters haven't taken the GSO to their hearts over the past two years (for many, read most) but that attitude may be changing. While we at the Towers know only too well that one swallow does not make a spring, we also know how a few good results can change the perception of a manager. I mean, when Rafa gets the boot and skulks back to Spain come next Summer for missing out on the Champions League by three points, many will say "alright, he won the European Cup but he didn't push on from there" forgetting the beach ball incident. We all have short memories, but many Bolton fans will take some time to forget the GSO's constant sniping at us, even if Tony asks him for a few favours now and then. If the GSO keeps this form up, good. But we did this well last November and there were still calls for him to go at the beginning of this season, and not only from this keyboard. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. If we continue to play the way we are doing then he will win over more fans. Go back to the tactics of the beginning of the season and beware the turning of the fan.

Megson loses 40th game as Bolton manager...

...but at the moment it is all sunshine and fluffy clouds down Burnden Way. Unbeaten, and deservedly so between international breaks and, despite that fact that Trafford United should have been out of sight by the time Matty Taylor scored, a decent enough performance on Saturday. Whether this has something to do with the previously discussed managerial foresight or signs that the manager actually may listen to voices other than the ones in his head are unknown at this point.

We here at the Towers are happy to admit that we fall into the ABM (Anyone But Megson) camp (although we will probably now add John Barnes to that list) but the reintroduction of Jlloyd on the left, giving Matty more of a licence to run and not worry what Stefan Dennis is doing behind him, and Lee and Cohen coming up with the goods when with the first you would have thought that it could take until the New Year for him to bed in and with the latter the twelfth of never, appears to have given the team a new lease of life. That this was due to Sean Davis' injury should not be overlooked but the GSO could just have easily played The Badger on Saturday and sent out a team like last year that, according to some of the X's Man U supporting friends, was one of the worst they had seen.

Reports in the weekends papers seem to suggest that, after the Lee,Cohen,Davies goal against Spurs, they are ready to rethink their reporting:

When can you last remember United taking a convincing 2-0 lead into the break and ending up hanging on to win? The Currant

Yet to focus on United's shortcomings would be unfair on Bolton The Mirror

Davies belied his reputation as a bricks and mortar centre-forward with a beautifully-curled cross on to the head of Taylor The Homophobe (because we're nothing if not topical)

Bolton served notice, however, of their ability to inflict a black eye on any team who take them lightly this season. The Tory

Manchester United tiptoed almost apologetically to the top of the Premier League The Times

To those who watched only the first hour of this game...it would be absurd to suggest that Bolton deserved anything other than a thrashing. And yet, while United regained the summit of the Premier League, they did so wheezing and more out of breath than seemed possible. The Granuiad

Suddenly, it was all Bolton and their strong finish could so easily have extended an unbeaten run that stretched back five league games. The Observer.


AND FINALLY.....FAT MIKE WATCH
Having managed to get his previous manager fired by holding and giving but not at the right time and continually failing to beat them by getting round the back, Fat Mike was on the subs bench in Tranmere's defeat to Stocky County on Monday but was not trusted to attempt to get them back in the game. Come Saturday he wasn't even on the bench, leading you, me and every other Bolton fan who wishes Mr Ricketts well in his career to presume he'll be offering his fat ass to another down on their luck club come January.

Haitus...

This blog is currently on hiatus but will return after the international break. Dear reader. Literally.

Damn....!

Well, didn't see that coming. A tactical masterstroke by the Ginger Genius and all of a sudden T'Wanderers are up to tthirteenth. That's right, away from the relegation zone. (This placement dependent on West Ham and Citeh tonight). Lovely little flick by Lee, commented on by approximately no-one on the MOTD sofa. Spoke about Villa-Blackburn. Oh yes. But, and probably because the producer got a nose bleed from putting Bolton on fourth on Saturday night, neither Hansen nor the ex-tache commented on it.

Anyway, your averages:

Jussi 6.476
Ricketts 6.188
Cahill 7.696
Knight 6.706
JLS 5.934
Ricky 5.476
Muamba 6.112
Cohen 6.522
Matty 6.362
SuperKev 6.612
Kidneys 5.588

Badger 5.15
Lee 7.02

Thereby making Gary Cahill, undoubtedly the third best central defender in the country, the man of the match. Harshly, Ricky G gets the brickbats. Let's hope this isn't a precursor to him being dropped. Although it probably is.

Predictions: Birmingham City v Bolton Wanderers

1. 4-5-1? Oh, go on then.
2. Bolton to score first and then to mount a serious back to the walls effort to keep Birmingham out for 88mins.
3. This to fail within four minutes.
4. Final score: 1-1
5. Sean Davis to get booked even though he is nowhere near the ground.

The New Winston Bogarde

You will possibly remember Winston Bogarde, the man who Chelsea paid £40,000 per week for four years, even though he only played eleven games for them and they consistently tried to offload him, demoting him to train with the youth team.Bogarde has stated that he did not leave as he was earning so much money. Well, step forward Danny Shittu, arguably Bolton's fourth choice central defender, after Cahill, AOB and Stefan Dennis (yes, he's that good). It has been made clear to him that he can leave and what must be 100% of football fans have no idea why he was bought in the first place as he is obviously out of his depth in the Premiership. The Shit, however, has different ideas, and has refused a loan to Championship high flyers, Sheffield United, stating that he does not want to take the step down (read "I'm earning more money here than I would there). It may be argued that the top of the Championship is too good a level for Mr. Shit and we strongly urge him to take the move, otherwise the next time we see him he could be running out as a team mate of Fat Mike. Wherever he ends up next.

Ode to an one their way defender.

So Goodbye To You
Danny Shittu
You Were Very Poor
So You're Being Shown The Door

Oh gone all, we all knew this would happen.

Internet Malfunctions. Who needs them?
If we had been able to get on the internet on Friday, here would be our predictions for Saturday's game.

1. Bolton to win 2-1, giving the GSO five more games.
2. Matty Taylor to score at least one of them.
3. Tal Ben Haim to show why he should never have left.
4. That bloke with the bell to get right on everyone's tits, even though we only watched it on MOTD.
5. The press to write solely about the problems at Portsmouth in both the Sunday and Monday papers.

Well, 4 out of 5 ain't bad.

We would have put our usual spin on the headlines but as the above states, the only thing the papers were interested in talking about was the problems at Portsmouth. At least the word "dire" didn't appear once when talking about T'Wanderers. Which makes a refreshing change.

YOUR AVERAGES

Jussi 6.18
Ricketts 5.76
Knight 5.87
Cahill 7.19
JLS 5.88
Steinsson 6.66
Son of Avi 6.45
Little Davies 6.07
Muamba 6.61
Taylor 5.91
Super Kev 6.17

The Spitter 5.44
The Badger 5.17
Basham 5.22

Man of the Match then was Gary Cahill. We at the Towers feel that he is about a season too late for the World Cup. Because, you know, Upson is the third best central defender in the country.
A discarded roll from the Eastlands to be thrown at Sam Ricketts.

Now, is it too much to hope that we have found a new position for Gretar?

Til tomorrow masochists.

The New El Hadji Diouf.

Many congratulations for last night. No, not the England team, fantastic result and all, but for Ivan Klasnic for evoking the spit spirit of our late and lamented Senegal striker and gobbing near John Terry. We at the Towers are not ones to condone this sort of thing, but when it comes to John "Englishmen don't dive, don't understand why we've been banned from buying players, pisses on dancefloors, mum's a shoplifter" Terry, we think pot, kettle, black. Whilst we appreciate that he is the English captain he was the best of a bad bunch that included Rio Ferdinand (please, was anyone serious about that?), Stevie G. (before his court case) and the man who had already relinquished the role once. Can't remember his name but he goes out with a Spice Girl. Anyway, just to say that this motley crew cannot hold a candle to your Moore's, Charlton's, Robson's and Lineker's.

Or maybe he was just getting into practice for Portsmouth. Unfortunately Arjen De Zeuww on longer plays for them.

Dull. God it's so dull.

With Bolton's players (at least the non English contingent plus Gary Cahill) away on international duty, virtually nothing is happening down at Burnden Way. Our non-descript assistant manager has took some time off from twiddling his thumbs to big up Ivan Klasnic, Tony Kelly has so little to say he's raking over the coals of the Liverpool game again, Fat Kev has been lying again about how he feels about his move to Newcastle and we're giving away free tickets to people in Blackburn, which has prompted a response from Jack Straw.

But that's it. I could do a dance, sing a song, even strip for money. But nothing would stop this being quite possibly the most deathly dull international break since, well, the last one. Still, it will give the GSO a chance to figure out of deficiences in the Portsmouth defence that his myopic staff haven't, hmmmm?

SIgn them up, sign them up, sign them up!!!!

Sometimes, when you unexpectedly go away for a week to a remote place, as I am wont to do (though some people are under the impression that the remote place I talk of is my head) a plethora of news comes out of T'Reebok. And, after weeks of having a go at the GSO, there appears to be an outbreak of sympathy for the ginger headed one.
First, let's get something clear. I thought that of all the summer signings, Sean Davis was the best. No doubt about it. Good professional, stayed with Fulham all dem years etc. etc. However, four yellows in three games, however ridiculous they were, is not a good return and he is already catching up Kev "Not coming back to Bolton so relax everybody" Nolan's return for last season when he managed to top the bookings chart despite being here only half a season. He has been banned for one game and is already one yellow card away from another ban. AFTER THREE GAMES PEOPLE.
This, however, does not deflect from a performance by Alan Wiley that made Rob Styles look decidedly average. While cynics, step forward the Telegraph, may sneer at Bolton, this was a gutsy display, typified by Jlloyd, SuperKev and Fabric Muamba, playing his best game for T'Wanderers. Whilst it may be too much to say that Bolton would have gone on to win (it didn't take the Scousers too long to equalise the first time when the GSO deployed the pack the defence and let's hold onto what we have tactic. You know, the one that hardly ever works), Southport's best known non-criminal had been marked out of the game and Torres had resorted to falling over legs that weren't there (as pointed out on Vital). Cue Benitez's love child Lucas (even Mrs X, a die hard scouser can't see the point of him) crying like a baby to the ref and it was only a matter of time.The Towers were under the impression that people who do what Lucas did were due a booking as well. Makes you feel sorry for Eduardo. But not that much.

Secondly, Tony Cascarino has had a go at Ivan Klasnic. While Bolton fans may have every right to be cautious about the signing after Smolarek and Makakula last year, and what he says about Elmander is partly true, Klasnic was a regular scorer for Werder Bremen and spent one year at Nantes, presumably to aid his recuperation in a less frenetic atmosphere after his double kidney transplant. We at the Towers have very little time for Cascarino and his bastard twins Tony Gale and Jason Cundy (What have you won? Then f*** off my TV) and his tendency to start fights when one is not warranted or when he can't win (Mr R. Keane v Cascarino. I know who I'd back) plus the fact that Klasnic seems to be good enough to play for Croatia whilst playing Ligue 2 football means that I will continue to ignore him and his factless columns, until someone at work mentions it. And they all read the currant anyway.

Unfortunately, this does not mean to say that Bolton are winning the media war. First of all, I don't think that Tony Cascarino has any worries about the GSO's wrath and secondly it appears yet again that someone senior is not reading the articles at the former BEN before publication, as they missed a gem last week. Assistant Manager Chris Evans (we have to say Assistant Manager in case you confuse Bolton's non descript flunky to the DJ or the actor) said on Thursday that the GSO is held in high regard as a coach in the game. This will explain why he has been fired more times than a firey thing then, won't it? A good coach does not a good manager make, just ask Sammy Lee. Digging himself more of a hole further on in the article he tells us that the GSO had identified certain weaknesses in Liverpool's defence at set pieces before anyone else at the club. Well, it may have been before anyone else at the club, but the football watching public has been more or less punched in the face by pundits pointing out the deficiences in the scouser's zonal defence at set pieces for the best part of two years. And this would mean that if no one else at the club saw it then the whole of the coaching staff should be fired, especially Chris Evans whose Wikipedia entry calls him a performance director. Ha!
Anyway, basically what he has said in the first part of the article (held in high regard etc.) has been negated by what he said in the second. However, he did praise the fans, which is more than the manager has ever done.

In Fat Mike watch, he didn't get off the bench on Saturday, even though Tranmere were three goals down. Oh dear.

And talking of Tranmere, the Bolton seniors were robbed of their glory last night at the Eccccccho arena. However they did manage to score more goals in one night than the first team have managed since January. Which is where the title comes in.

Hopefully, until tomorrow fellow masochists.

Gary Megson gives you some old news...

Today, our esteemed leader has told the former BEN that the boo-boys don't bother him as he has never been popular at T'Reebok with the fans. This has come as a complete suprise to the Towers as he has never said this kind of thing about the fans before. Oh, no, wait a minute....

Maybe it would be better for the GSO to give a different kind of slant to the fact that Bolton fans don't like him as calling them names seems to just infuriate them more. Instead of coming across all Malcolm Tucker, maybe he should look at someone like Josh Lyman and understand that you have to be savvy to make people like you, not an arse. Maybe some good humour, not dourness. And less arseness.

And so to this weekend's massacre game at T'Reebok. Lawro has put it down as a 2–0 loss, but that is pretty much a no brainer. So we give you our five predictions for the game:

1. The GSO to big up the opposition, especially as they are a big four club, mentioning that they have world class players. (Wait, tick that box already)

2. For once, chants of "Megson Out" to outnumber the chants concerning Benitez's part time job clearing tables down the nearest Tapas bar.

3. Sean Davis to get booked.

4. Liverpool to win 3–0

5. The GSO to talk about gaining positives from the game in post match interview as Sammy Lee walks past with a wry smile on his face.

We're nearly there folks. Only the Portsmouth game to go.

A Prodigal Son?

It is all over the press today that the GSO is looking at bringing former captain Kevin 'Nobby the Pie Eater' Nolan back to T'Reebok, probably on a season long loan. How would fans react to this.

Some, think the MEN, will greet it with excitement. Some think it will be a backwards step. We believe that it is neither one nor the other. For a long time Nolan rested on his laurels in a midfield that had Gary Speed and Ivan Campo doing the work and the culture beside him and the goals of Nicolas Anelka shielded the lack of midfield guile when those players moved on. Once that outlet had gone it showed what most fans had known for a while, that he had lost it.

So why should he be welcomed back? Well, it would be difficult to see where he would fit into the midfield, whether the GSO uses 4-5-1, 4-4-2 or 4-3-3. Davis, Little Davies and Muamba should have the central positions sown up, with one of them playing on the right if need be and Matty Taylor on the left. But Kevin Nolan is no Michael Ricketts, he hasn't lost it to that extent. Many people couldn't understand why Jermaine Jenas was picked ahead of him for the England squad not so long ago. (OK, we do know. Spurs play in London) But Bolton haven't the aquad to be choosy, the player loves the club, even if he is unfit he's better than the squad on the bench and he wouldn't need time bedding in. Plus he wouldn't have the millstone of being captain hanging round his neck. Okocha had problems suiting his game to being captain and the same problems seemed to beset Nolan. SuperKevinDavies has thrived in this position. We at the Towers give this a cautious yes. It just depends on what ambition the player has.

No really, oú ést, Ricardo Vaz Té?

Back in July we originally asked this question, surmising that if our Portuguese forward could remember to keep his feet when on goal, if he was fit he could be a ten goal a season striker. However, the GSO does not seem to think that this is the case.

On the back of a torpid 1–0 win over Tranmere, it has been reported that Bolton's 3rd best striker is likely to be offloaded, either to Gaziantepspor of Turkey (no, me either), or Koln of Cologne. This after saying that he did not have any striking options and putting young Danny Ward on the bench. Another case of saying one thing and doing another? Well, very likely, although it has been reported that Achille Emana is being looked at. This is a midfielder by the way and according to his Wikipedia article he is a midfielder of dubious scoring potential. This may just be an anonymous editor at Wikipedia having some last minute fun before he is banished from editing though.

Am I sick and tired of being promised a striker 7 days before the transfer window finishes and then not getting one. Well, the name Leroy Lita still makes me narcoleptic. Is this the second time that the GSO will be saying that Bolton will be doing one thing this season and then changing the rules. Very likely. Was he on a no win mission at Prenton Park last night. Absolutely. Did he win any fans over with his 4-5-1 formation against an out of form League One side. C'mon, pass over those happy pills. For the first time this season, X Towers shouts "MEGSON OUT". And we bet that The Fat Spanish Waiter over at Stanley Park will be in his hot seat a long time after Mr Megson has been banished from our collective memories.

Tony Kelly, I know you're employed by the club but FFS!!!!

As you are no doubt aware, Tony Kelly is the fan's liasion officer at Bolton Wanderers and is also the 34th greatest player to don a Bolton shirt. However, this was voted for in 2005 and if there was a vote today, it is doubtful if he would now make the top 100. Not because it is now 15 years since he put that shirt on, but because he puts out the most monumental rubbish in his Bolton News column. (I'd say worse, but this is a family show)

Under the banner headline, Wanderers Will Bounce Back he quoth,regarding the start to the season:

"....getting on the manager’s back won’t help the situation"

He then goes on to argue the complete opposite, stating that a siege mentality can galvanise the players. Does anybody at the paper actually copy read this gubbins.

Further down the article he states that:

"It’s no use getting on the manager’s back, though. Once they cross that white line it’s down to the players"

Herein it shows that Tony, fans liasion officer notwithstanding, has no idea of how the fans feel or, if he does, he is not showing it until the GSO goes. It will be interesting to see what he says then. Maybe it would be better if the club's voice kept shtumm for a couple of weeks.


While we're having our sometime daily pop at the former BEN and the GSO, I personally could not care less that he sympathises with the Australian cricket team. Somehow, SOMEHOW, he has tried to draw parallels between T'Wanderers result at Hull with Australia losing the ashes. Here we pick this argument apart:
1. The Australians respect their cricketers and feel that they have a good leader.
2. The Australians are regular winners and, indeed, have won this summer.
3. All 11 Australian cricketers who take the field are talented individuals who know their job.
4. Australia's captain is magnaminous in defeat and never, NEVER, calls his teams abilities into question.
5. When things are going wrong, Ponting has the ability to change his tactics.

To paraphrase Henry II, "Who will rid me of this turbulent manager".

Expect Fat Mike to score tonight. No need to watch.

Those Monday newspaper comments and average ratings...

The Currant have nothing, nowt, nada to say about Bolton, which must say something.

"A dismal game saw Bolton create the best chances but fail to take them" The Mirror

"Bolton created the best chances but failed to take them and the ‘Megson Out’ chants have started already" The Star

"No one needs to tell Gary Megson what his team lack..." The Torygraph (although surely someone should have told him in June, just to make sure that he was looking at the same sheet...?)

"Bolton Wanderers, though, should have taken at least a point" The Times

"For the next 15 minutes City ripped their opponents apart" T'Guardian

And so to the averages by all the weekend reporters

Jussi 6.3
Ricketts 6.04
Cahill 6.42
Knight 5.38
Stefan Dennis 5.09
Muamba 6.8
Davis 6.18
Mark Davies 6.24
Taylor 6.67
SuperKev 6.18
Elmander 5.98
JLS 5.13
Ward 5.13
Lee 6.04

Man of the Match therefore is the sometimes pilloried Fabrice Muamba, although to be fair the one paper that allows fans to vote (The Tory) has him at an average of six with six other players ahead of him. The worst player was Stefan Dennis, but that was only a matter of time. Don't It Make You Feel Good.

I'm now off to hide behind a pillow to listen to the Tranmere commentary. Until later, fellow masochists....

Those Sunday Newspaper comments....

"Bolton were slightly the better, which isn't saying much as passes went astray, long balls were punted aimlessly downfield and shots failed to find the target." Independent on Sunday

"...one or more of Johan Elmander, Kevin Davies, Matthew Taylor and Sam Ricketts should not have given the City goalkeeper a chance to make a save" Observer

"Bolton were comfortably on top during the first half, but didn’t make it count Sunday Times

"Hull showed that even they have greater options than Bolton by throwing on Altidore" Sunday Telegraph

"The failure to score meant Bolton's winless run has stretched to eight games and gaffer Megson is working hard to bring in a striker to solve their goalscoring problems" Screws

"...they paid for their profligacy when Algerian signing Ghilas smashed home Altidore's clever flick-on" Sunday People

"Hull got a few monkeys off the back as they registered their first points of the season, but where do Bolton go from here?" Sunday Nazi

"Hull had been second best until Altidore's introduction, with Bolton dominating possession and having the better chances" Sunday Express


AND...

"Sections of the travelling support turned on their manager before the final whistle as chants of ‘We want Megson out’ rang around the ground, but if the fans want anyone to blame for Wanderers’ latest setback then they should look no further than their strikers." The former BEN. No tapping into the current mood much.

Hull City v Bolton Wanderers......our five predictions.

1. Suntan Phil saying that he had a great career at Bolton but there is no friendship in the 90 minutes on the pitch.

2. Stefan Dennis and Sam Ricketts to start again, as God knows the GSO always learns from his mistakes. Mark Davies to start in the middle of midfield though.

3. Johan Elmander to do some "tireless" running although all through balls will be in the air and not to him.

4. Hull to win 2-0

5. The GSO to have another go at the players, saying he cannot understand why they don't stick to his game plan (the one where they pack the defence and don't let in any goals). Cue vitriolic witch hunt on message boards and his home address to be published.

Finger out time...but maybe too late.

Reports today suggest that the man to soothe all the fans needs would be a Mr J Beckford of Leeds United. £2.5 milion may be enough to prise Leeds' leading scorer away from the ground by the Sheffield-Leeds railway line. We at the Towers give this an X rating of 5. Proven League One goalscorer he may be, as 50 goals in 87 games is not to be sniffed at down there, but there is a whole lot of difference two divisons higher. And if Fabian Delph went for £6 million, is £2.5 enough? Cautious, yet not optimistic. In any sense.

Or how about David Nugent in exchange for Danny the Shit and the Badger? Well, with the whole squad being described as "not exactly really top drawer", does this mean that Nugent will be a marquee signing that we have been waiting for? Well, he has got a very good goals per game ratio at international level. X rating of 3. Although we do expect the lesser of the not top drawer squad to be on their way soon.

A nice little encapsulation of the problems facing the GSO can be found at sports blog under the title "Embattled Manager of the Week: Gary Megson". Although proving that there just aren't enough blogs about T'Wanderers (they quote Vital Football, Wanderers Way and The Wanderer (err...where are we?....what do you mean no one reads this?), this does what it says on the tin. Although we don't agree that the GSO will be gone after Portsmouth away. Sooner, surely?

The "hang on a minute" moment for today comes from the Bolton News, with the GSO apparently challenging Super Kev and Matty Taylor to get back into the goals, starting at Phil Brown's place on Saturday. Neither has hit the target since April (both the GSO and the former BEN forgetting that Elmander hasn't hit the target since January, but he must be off limits), but the GSO "sees no rationale for the pair's dip in form but has backed them both to come good" Well, I'm sure that they are both very glad about his backing. Maybe his tactics are the rationale? Just a thought.

Fat Mike watch. He's still fat. Expect him to still be fat on Tuesday.

Swine Flu...it's a pig....

So, anyway, you may have noticed that nothing has come out of the Towers in the past fortnight. This is due to me living in Tower Hamlets and catching the swine flu in the local Tescos, which is the only place that myself and Mrs. X mingle with the locals. Cue much needed crawling to the bathroom, but you don't want to know the details of that.

SO, no great suprise then when the GSO decided to play all five of his new signings on Saturday, even though defence, where three of them played, wasn't actually the problem last season. Cue much teeth gnashing over at 606 (also see here and here and a great many posts besides). It would appear that after one game 99% of the fans would want shot of Mr Megson, leading many to believe hope that when Norwich had sacked Bryan Gunn, our manager would drop to what many people believe is his natural level. Mr Deary over at Manny Road has pointed out that the press may have their knives out for him (that's the GSO not Mr Deary) as there is no one else in the division to point and laugh at. If this is the case, then it may not be too long before the managerial swing door banishes another Wanderers manager to the dole queue, as God knows the board hardly ever listen to the fans otherwise we wouldn't have that kit. However, the wishful thinking of some that Owen Coyle may be tempted down the road may prove to be just too fanciful.

Mr McCormick over at Vital Football points out that Bolton have come behind only the once since the GSO came along. He also points to the interviews that Megson has given to the Bolton News over the past few days. Starting off with the fact that the GSO believes that Bolton have only themselves to blame, it does make you wonder why Mr Megson has not got a Phd in the bleeding obvious. I can't help feeling that I've heard all this before. The playing of the Badger on the right made everyone, not least possibly the Badger himself, scratch their heads. The dropping of last season's ever present left back and the damn sight better than Sam Ricketts usual right back was a second cranium puzzler. However, the GSO says that they were unlucky to be dropped, and mentions that the defence leaked 54 goals last season and for that reason Robinson and Ricketts started. Now, I'm no long time football watcher (no.....hang on) but surely a central defence where he couldn't decide whether or not to play Danny the Shit or AOB was the real problem. Or is that just me?
And finally from the GSO, a complete bandwagon jumping exercise concerning Freddie Sears goal for the Palace at Bristol City on Saturday. Yes, we all know that Bolton have suffered a couple of times at the hands of over the line disallowed goals, but this idea that the GSO is keen to use technology when he has virtually dismantled what BSA left behind is shum mishtake shurely? He does admit, however, that he is not the fount(sic) of all knowledge. Which is something we can all agree on.

Now, I know that Vital Football have also started a Michael Rickett's watch, taking advantage, dare we say, of our indisposal while we talked to the porcelain telephone. Talking to the Wirral Globe, Fat Mike says that:

" I'm pleased to have joined Tranmere. The lure of playing for John Barnes, who was an idol of mine, and the style of football he wants to play were big factors in me coming here"

Translation, no one else wanted me and they have a Greggs near the ground.

Bolton Wanderers 0 - 1 Sunderland

Or....How The Press Saw Bolton's Performance On Saturday. (Clue....it doesn't end well), plus the average ratings from the papers.

"The clearly rejuvenated Bent looked every inch an international-class striker as he and Jones ripped Bolton's defence to shreds in a one-sided first half." The Currant

"the Wearsiders were hanging on towards the end as Gary Megson’s battling Bolton launched a fierce second-half fight-back" The Mirror

"While Sunderland were at it from the first bell, Bolton started sluggishly." The Nazi

We would tell you what The Times thought but apparently only Sunderland were on the pitch.

"Sunderland were aided mightily by an abject Bolton performance that extinguished any pre-season optimism." The Observer

"Jaaskelainen's excellence provided a rare bright spot for Megson but there were precious few other crumbs of comfort." The Screws

"a hugely disappointing Bolton display" The former BEN

Kind of makes bad reading no? And the averages don't get any better.

Jaaskelainen 6.83
Ricketts 4.91
Cahill 6.16
Knight 5.03
Stefandennis 5.27
The Badger 4.69
Davis 5.43
Muamba 5.21
Taylor 5.20
Elmander 4.84
Super Kev 5.82
Lee 5.03
Ward 4.50

So, Bolton's man of the match was Jussi (what...you're suprised), and the worst performer was The Badger, although he did have the excuse of being played out of position. Or should that be he had the excuse of being played.

R.I.P. Bobby Robson

As you are no doubt aware, Sir Bobby Robson finally lost his brave battle against cancer earlier today. Without wishing to speak ill of the alive, you can't help but wonder if he would still be a better manager than the GSO even now.

Zat Knight has no idea about his new club....

This is our new signing, Zatyiah "Zat" Knight. He cost some money from Aston Villa. He has no idea about the recent history of Bolton Wanderers. Talking "exclusively" (we at The Towers have no idea why the rubbish website says "exclusively" every time they interview a player as this would mean that other outlets are after the interview, which they're not) to the rubbish website he has the following to say:

"It would be nice to try and get back into Europe because we haven't been there for the last few seasons and to have a good cup run and to win some silverware"

Whilst we appreciate that the Bolton News' circulation may not stretch all the way down the M6 surely someone should have told Zat that the last time Bolton were in Europe was just two years ago. Indeed in terms of months it is just 16 since the Sporting Lisbon debacle and shouldn't someone at the rubbish website have passed this information on to him or at least edited his comments? Good cup run? Well, my grandad can just about remember the last time that happened. And silverware? Living the dream or what?

He then goes on to mention that Bolton play "a style that suits me", which would appear to put another coffin in the nail that is the lie that the team will play more expansive football, as Bolton are a "hard team to beat"

Tomorrow: Sam Ricketts tells us how he has a picture of Kevin Davies pinned up on his bedroom wall as he has to recognise where most of his balls are going.

Welcome to our new........defenders.

You know when you have been promised one thing but are then delivered another, much like the good folk of Rock Ridge in Blazing Saddles. Well, here we are then. Now I have nothing against Sam Ricketts and Zat Knight, two players who I feel will bring more to the club than Stefan Dennis (the name by which Paul Robinson will now be known), but where is this flair player, the player that we have been promised will make Bolton play a more attractive brand of football? As we were told to expect six players this summer, now have four and are expectant of a fifth from the South of the Korea's, this leaves one more player. And who is this to be? Freddie Bodde? Fabian Delph? Cliff Richard?
While feeling that we have brought in more talent than at any time since the departure of Big Sam (not hard to be admitted), there is still a desperate need for another striker and a decent creative midfielder. If we have just the one transfer left, which position will be filled?

The Sunderland Echo report on Bolton's 1–1 draw at Borussia Munchinggladback gives an all too predictable scenario of Danny the Shit being shrugged off for the equalising goal by the Germans (although the official report on the rubbish website gives it to us somewhat differently). If all Danny had was his strength then this also appears to have gone but he may be on his way out anyway, along with the Badger and Ethan Hunt, an outcome that will not cause too many fans at T'Reebok to shed tears. Although, four in and three out will still give the GSO a pretty threadbare squad, a fact he has been crying about since the final day of last season.

Many congratulations go to a fresh faced bunch of lads who may go far as Bolton won through to the finals of the national OAPS five a side tournament at the MEN on Saturday. Richard Sneekes, David Lee, Simon Farnworth, Scott Green, Michael Johansen, Julian Darby, Allan Johnston, Grandma X's favourite Simon Charlton and voice of the balls Tony Kelly beating Oldham 2–1 in the final. Maybe a few shouts of "sign them up" at the final at the Ekkkkkoo Arena in September?

A not to miss night out on up at (down at?) Tuff Moor next month when the "Clarets Mad" (shum mishtake shurley) fan thingy has Martin Dobson, Paul Fletcher and Owen Coyle at a night they have advertised as "A Trio of Trotters" due to their connections with T'Wanderers back in the day. Now, whilst I am all for blowing the trumpet for Bolton over our numerous Lancashire rivals, Martin Dobson never played a game for Bolton, Paul Fletcher played more games for Burnley than he played for anyone else and Owen Coyle is currently....well you get the point. Obviously some form of hero worship from further up the road. They do say that it is somewhat tongue in cheek, although they do protest too much methinks.

Michael Ricketts you ask? Nothing, nada. Is this the end for our overweight, former England international's football career. Tune in sometime.

Hot off the press!!!

So, just after we published yesterday came the Bolton News with a tale that the first Ricketts in 6 years would be making his way T'Reebok. Then the BBC followed suit. So it must be true.
The Bolton News then blotted their copy book by giving us a tale of the bleeding obvious re the club needing another striker. Still, a better than normal strike rate from the local paper.

The rest of the news is just about Lee Chung-Yong going T'Reebok. If nothing, it keeps the club in the press, as there is a serious lack of anything else going on, bar the odd Zat Knight story rearing its head again. Richard at Vital Football has also noted this.

Really I cannot say anything else as there is seriously nothing to report, except for the person at Wikipedia who obviously doesn't understand the idea of work permits. Until Mrs X allows me on the computer again, have a good weekend.

Asthma....it's a killer.

Hello, dear reader, and welcome back after a week away. Yes it went well, except for the aforementioned asthma problems which is why this blog has been away for two days longer than it said it would. But you don't want to hear about that.

News: And Lee Chung-Yong (cue much xenophobic merriment when he arrives) has not yet signed for the Wanderers, although he is in "talks". Whether this means that he is the "flair player" that fans have been promised is not known, although the bet is he is. Now, stop me if I'm wrong but the of all the asian players that have done well in the Premiership, we had one (Nakata) and Stretford have one (Park) and.....well that's it. For the fast paced Premiership, people from the Far East just do not seem to have the stamina, more suited to our Southern European cousin's leagues. I'm not against people from other cultures having a go but it will take a special player and Mr Chung-Yong would not appear to be one. While it looks like he will join, work permit notwithstanding, I would stick my neck out and suggest that this is one of the GSO's more bizarre signings.

Mark Fish, yes THAT tosser, has managed to get himself a coaching job in his native Sith Africa. Along with Michael Ricketts, we at the Towers hope he falls on his arse.

Talking of Ricketts, the other one who currently plays for Hull has reportedly been the subject of some close scrutiny of Bolton. So, that'll be another defender then. But as Ricketts plays right back, if he is to move across T'Pennines, that should see the end to Nicky Hunt's Bolton career. Really, wouldn't it just be kinder to put him down?

A non starter story was Damien Duff leaving Newcastle for T'Reebok. Seeing as how Newcastle cannot do anything until they find a buyer, we at the Towers would have given this a minus mark out of 10, even before the MEN said it was pretty much a pile of something nasty.

And that is pretty much it for transfer news. In other news, however, Commercial Director Gareth "Gaz" Moores has cocked up once again, after already suggesting that sponsors prefer to watch Match of the Day than Super Sunday. You may have noticed that the club has been doing a day by day reveal of the new away kit (concensus: It's Crap). However, as the reserves played a friendly in the new kit at Leigh on Tuesday, photos appeared all over the internet, including here on Leigh's own website, two days before ours. Further proof indeed, that the Reebok is run by a bunch of monkeys banging a typewriter and hoping to one day come up with Hamlet.

In Nigeria, two season wonder and all round Bolton Wanderers icon, Jay-Jay "Austin" Okocha has been made an ambassador for Guinness. Besides asking myself how I can get a gig like that, a fondness for the black stuff finding me asleep in Piccadilly Gardens once upon a time, Guinness' MD, a man with an appropriate Irish name, said that Austin's "exceptional soccer achievements qualified him to become an ambassador of soccer". Well, OK, that is pretty much like saying "Hello, my name is Dave because my name is Dave" (proving that Gaz Moores is not the only person who can get their marketing line wrong). However, besides the article calling Austin "the former PSG dribbler" (which I again can sympathise with having done that many times after drinking Guinness), the one poster on the article suggest that this is the best thing to happen to Guinness for a long time, which may be slightly over egging the pudding.

Well done to the reserves for beating Leigh 4–1 on Tuesday in the aforementioned new away kit, Tope Obadeyi scoring twice. The reserves will need him next season, having been monumentally appalling last.

Michael Ricketts? Didn't play for Brighton and has "had his little spell here". Harsh.

L'attitude

Well, that's the booze packed, the wipes in, tshirts, sandals and wellies all in the car. The papers have been cancelled and X Towers is all locked up. No Wi-Fi means no blogging until next Tuesday. So I'll leave you with this wish. BUY A BLOODY FLAIR PLAYER BEFORE I GET BACK. I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE MEGSON!!!!

Beckham for Bolton.

With all this noise about going back to Milan and even going to the Saudi Arabian enclave of Gorton, it seems that Becks would prefer to move to the Reebok (Thanks to Dirty Tackle)

In other news, The Ginger Special One proclaims himself pleased that Paul Robinson has joined Bolton (so that'll be the whole of West Bromwich plus one then), but it all turns out that it's a bit of a tax fiddle to help West Brom and he's here for three years, reassuringly (Mr Robinson's words, not ours). Calls to the Greater Manchester Police fraud department have been placed. Nothing to do with the tax fiddle but for this idea that his being here on a three year deal is anything other than "reassuring".

Bolton may have to wait for Zat Knight as T'Villa have not yet put their plans into action to sign a defender, having been linked with Matthew Upson and Sylvain Distin. Which begs the obvious question, why haven't Bolton been linked with Upson and Distin? Ambition you say? Phhhhhhttt...

In May we reported that the Bolton shop in the town centre had been shut for refurbishment. GOOD NEWS! It's reopened for all your crap shirt needs. Ironically the Bolton section is at the back of the store, which may give you some idea as to what Messrs J&D think about the shirt.

The Korea Times gets its first ever mention from The Towers (although it's only quoting the BEN). According to both papers Lee Chung-yong, South Korean international may be plying his trade under Winter Hill come the new season. We give this an X-Towers rating of 9, not just because the GSO has actually said he wants him but also with Kim Jong-Il apparently being near death being nowhere near Korea may soon be a good idea.

Michael Ricketts watch this week has news about our very own former England international. He's on trial at Brighton, although what for we don't know. Oh, stop me now.

Today we have an exclusive interview with Gary Megson. Whilst this blog does not pretend to be the biggest fan of the GSO we thought it only fair to sit down with him and let us know his thoughts on the coming season. Unfortunately, X Towers funds do not run to a flight to Austria and a nice day in a spa so we gave him a call.

X: Gar, can I call you Gar, nice to speak to you. Can we start off with the transfer policy for the summer. Let's first talk about Paul Robinson.

GSO: I have said before and I will say again 'til I am red in the face that Paul Robinson is the kind of player that Bolton fans love. The fact that he is actually my secret love child and I have to sign him otherwise his mother will go to the press has nothing to do with it.

X: So, in effect, what you're saying is that, whilst in the past few years Bolton fans have got used to the exploits of Okocha, Campo, Hierro, Diouf and Anelka, your current transfer policy is to recruit your secret children?

GSO: That's right. At the beginning of the summer I gave Mr Fartslime a list of players that I wanted. Unfortunately I got it mixed up with my list for the Child Support Agency and now I'm in the bit of a spot.

X: So who can we expect to be coming in this summer?

GSO: Well, first of all there's Damian Lewis. We feel sure that he can he can be an effective back up to Jussi as we need to give my grandson Adam Bogdan some much needed loan experience.

X: OK, anyone else.

GSO: Well, that bird out of Desperate Housewives I recently discovered was my daughter. She is known to be a bit feisty in training but has a demeanour about her when the chips are down that I think that she will be a perfect playing partner for Gary Cahill.

X: Suuuurrreeee.....

GSO:.....and don't let me forget Dana Scully, she's been known to repel a few attacks and I see her fitting in well next to Gavin McCann

X: Now that's ridiculous, you do know that Gavin McCann as a footballer is a fictional character...?

GSO:....then I thought on the wing we could have the kid from "Mask". We need someone who can put up with taunts about our style of play and he's already got a thick skin.

X: ...err....Gary

GSO:...and up front I'm going to see if I can sign Bradley Branning.

X: Why?

GSO: You see, that's the problem with you people, you can't just let me get on with my job. The press understand me, especially the Bolton News. You fans have got no idea. Gill said that people in the game would understand my appointment and I've done the job I was asked to do. Now I want to build for the future and you people aren't letting me. You'll be sorry.....YOU'LL ALL BE SORRY!!

At that moment the phone seemed to fall to the floor and I could hear things being smashed and then all went silent. A couple of minutes passed and then a woman came on the phone.

Woman: Hello? Hello? Mulder? Is that you?

Then I put the phone down.

Extra!! Extra!!

There is not normally a missive from The Towers over the weekend but as we are locking up on Thursday and heading for the Latitude Festival we thought we would bring you an extra instalment. No need to thank us.

So, The Ginger Special One has finally got his man and Paul Robinson will be coming up the M6 (probably in a West Brom fan's car, just to make sure).The GSO has come up with the funniest quote of the summer so far by saying that ''He's the type of player Wanderers supporters will like", which proves he doesn't look at message boards and may be losing his grasp on reality.

Now, remember Jermaine Johnson? No? Well, he was part of the Jamaican influx at T'Reebok in the early part of the decade who, along with Donovan Ricketts, were seriously easy going and seriously out of their depth. Now, apparently, he is a constant menace to defenders on the football pitch, although whether this is for his footballing "skills", currently on show at Sheffield Wednesday, or for his pugilism is not known. However, the glowing report from Sports Jamaica seems to suggest that letting him go was one of Big Sam's bigger mistakes. Johnson does say that he is targeting the Premiership but it would appear that if he is he is doing it with the wrong Sheffield club.

TV news, and Gill Fartslime is no doubt unhappy concerning Bolton's solitary game before the cameras while Chelsea have seven in the first set of TV fixtures. And to make matters worse the game chosen is the notroiously tedious (bar double penalty saves and daft scouse ex captains being sent off) see who can kick the ball highest derby against Big Sam and his Rovers. Now to put this into perspective, Chelsea play some attractive football from time to time whereas Bolton.......well, you can see where I'm coming from. But, don't worry, Paul Robinson has arrived so that is all bound to change.
However, we are not worried quoth Bolton commerical director Gareth "I got us 188 Bet" Moores. Apparently, the sponsors care more about being seen on Match of the Day than on a live game. Err...Gaz mate. A game on Sky or ESPN is on for 90 mins, plus the bits before and after, and if you've ever tuned into MOTD to watch Bolton, Goals on Sunday has nearly started by the time our three minutes are shown. Does 188 Gareth actually watch MOTD or is he sat in a tower (or DeVere Whites as it's known) counting out the match receipts very carefully while Gill Fartslime stands there in a basque and tights with a stilleto on his throat.

And finally for now, the squad have all decamped on their pre season jolly annual camp to the Austrian mountains. According to the BEN, in an article of monumental arse licking, they go to a spa, which is nice if you're with a lady but ain't no good if you're in the jungle, to paraphrase Good Morning, Vietnam. To impress upon fans that this is not a laze around the hotel pool sticking flowers in their hair, the GSO tells us that sightseeing "IS OUT". Good job to. Imagine us all here, sitting in our credit crunch while our first team squad, plus Gavin McCann, galavante off to Heidi conventions and Sound of Music sing-a-longs. The GSO. He knows his stuff.