Today we have an exclusive interview with Gary Megson. Whilst this blog does not pretend to be the biggest fan of the GSO we thought it only fair to sit down with him and let us know his thoughts on the coming season. Unfortunately, X Towers funds do not run to a flight to Austria and a nice day in a spa so we gave him a call.

X: Gar, can I call you Gar, nice to speak to you. Can we start off with the transfer policy for the summer. Let's first talk about Paul Robinson.

GSO: I have said before and I will say again 'til I am red in the face that Paul Robinson is the kind of player that Bolton fans love. The fact that he is actually my secret love child and I have to sign him otherwise his mother will go to the press has nothing to do with it.

X: So, in effect, what you're saying is that, whilst in the past few years Bolton fans have got used to the exploits of Okocha, Campo, Hierro, Diouf and Anelka, your current transfer policy is to recruit your secret children?

GSO: That's right. At the beginning of the summer I gave Mr Fartslime a list of players that I wanted. Unfortunately I got it mixed up with my list for the Child Support Agency and now I'm in the bit of a spot.

X: So who can we expect to be coming in this summer?

GSO: Well, first of all there's Damian Lewis. We feel sure that he can he can be an effective back up to Jussi as we need to give my grandson Adam Bogdan some much needed loan experience.

X: OK, anyone else.

GSO: Well, that bird out of Desperate Housewives I recently discovered was my daughter. She is known to be a bit feisty in training but has a demeanour about her when the chips are down that I think that she will be a perfect playing partner for Gary Cahill.

X: Suuuurrreeee.....

GSO:.....and don't let me forget Dana Scully, she's been known to repel a few attacks and I see her fitting in well next to Gavin McCann

X: Now that's ridiculous, you do know that Gavin McCann as a footballer is a fictional character...?

GSO:....then I thought on the wing we could have the kid from "Mask". We need someone who can put up with taunts about our style of play and he's already got a thick skin.

X: ...err....Gary

GSO:...and up front I'm going to see if I can sign Bradley Branning.

X: Why?

GSO: You see, that's the problem with you people, you can't just let me get on with my job. The press understand me, especially the Bolton News. You fans have got no idea. Gill said that people in the game would understand my appointment and I've done the job I was asked to do. Now I want to build for the future and you people aren't letting me. You'll be sorry.....YOU'LL ALL BE SORRY!!

At that moment the phone seemed to fall to the floor and I could hear things being smashed and then all went silent. A couple of minutes passed and then a woman came on the phone.

Woman: Hello? Hello? Mulder? Is that you?

Then I put the phone down.