The Tale of The Strange Licensing Laws of Haringey Council

Well, that was about as much fun as having the dog put down. In fact, it was probably how an animal feels at that time, strangely calm all of a sudden, without knowing that the end is nigh. There was something about last night's game, a strange acceptance by those that were there that this is where the FA Cup road ended, and with all the subtleness of a two stone lump hammer smacking you on the head. This apathy had obviously started on the team coach some twenty four hours earlier, when Matt Taylor was heard to say "FA Cup? Fuck it". No doubt.

So you can imagine my surprise when I returned home surprisingly early last night, having been made aware of the fourth goal by the large cheers reaching White Hart Lane train station, where I was boarding the last train before the crush started, to read that St Owen had said this

We are disappointed to lose any game, but I felt that the scoreline flattered Spurs.

We take it that he actually meant flummoxed by the score because from where I was sitting, high in the stand, underneath the police look out point, from where you can see movement a lot better than the sidelines, they must be wondering how the only got four and how Bolton were lucky to get nil. Apparently the players fought for the right to wear the Wanderers jersey, and in this we can only presume that he meant fought to wear a jersey in the reserves, as that is where those non regulars who started, or who came on, will be heading back to.

Elsewhere on the crapwebsite.co.uk, Riga is under the impression that he deserves a place in the team. Declining to mention why he actually did not score, i.e tame shots, bad placement, easy height for a limited goalkeeper etc., he says

I was pleased with my personal performance because I was getting into the right positions to create and score goals, and I felt I deserved at least one.

The fact that I have a myopic, albeit dead, grandmother who could have got one of those and that he was running at a Spurs defence who were probably still laughing at the "after you, no after you" substitution of Matty (or was it Ricky), and being three goals up thought that they would give Gomes something to do, as he was getting rained on for the whole game with nothing to do but catch pneumonia (or punch it, one or the other) appears to escape him.

The only, and this is clutching at straws now, bright spot, was the set piece taking of our Yank, who created the chance that Mustaphafivegoes spurned. And that is all.

The Times mentions that only 250 Bolton fans were there, and they were, but again managed to outsing a team from North London. "We've Only Come To See London" and "We're Shit And We Know We Are" ringing out, while all The Spuds could come up with was some people banging on the stand and singing "Yids" every five minutes or so. Classy. Oh, and "You're Not Singing Anymore". Once. And all this after arriving at the ground to be told that beer would not be served after fifteen minutes before kick off. Obviously, due to National Express rules meaning a train cannot leave Liverpool St. until you are all in like cattle, the 19:00 train meant I got in a 19:55 and their cups of tea are rank. And they, obviously, are going on my list.

Looking at the weekend, I feel it deserves me at least trying to get out of bed to write something before the 11:00 deadline I have set myself to get to my own stag. So, until then, hello cutie pie.

The pain of White Hart Lane

To White Hart Lane tonight, the most inaccessible of all Premier League grounds in London. While The Arse, Chelski and T'Hammers all have a tube station nearby (The Arse even having one named after them), T'Spuds have a ground about eight miles away from Seven Sisters tube station, meaning a manic sprint through the mean streets of Haringey. Yes, I know there's a train station nearby, but do you fancy queueing up for an hour for an intermittent train service with five thousand bitter cockneys? No, me neither.

Now, if there is one thing constant in the universe, it is Spud fans thinking that any game against anybody who does not have their "history" should be a walk over. One, two and, yes, three Spud blogs were found to be under the impression that all they need to do tonight is turn up with six players and a 7-0 victory will be theirs. And how did I find these blogs? I just typed the words "Spurs" and "Twat" into Google and chose from the 50,000 articles readily available. (Before anybody tries it, Bolton Wanderers Twat gets 6,000) That's the problem with Spurs fans; too much time expecting the impossible. Their going on my list.

Anyway, for tonights game we have already mentioned that St Owen will be shuffling the pack. Unfortunately, it was only when we re read yesterday's posting that we realised that we had more or less put the first team down, so here, for your delectation, is our own reshuffled team.

Big Al --- AOB, Zat, Jlloyd, Not Mike ---- The Yank, Matty, Tamir, Samantha (Muamba. Samantha Muamba. No?) -- Kidneys/SuperKev, The Misfiring Swede

Speaking of this team, which he secretly faxed to us this morning, St Owen says:

The players who will play are certainly good players and worthy of a shirt.

I think he means one of the away tops that they'll be wearing tonight, not a general shirt from Next that looks nice now but in six months will be falling apart. (Next. They're going on my list as well.) Actually, thinking about it, would you wish the away shirt on anybody, especially as the last two times it was worn it brought two quite insipid displays?

The manager has also, again, backed the misfiring Swede, likening him to Pavulydunno at The Spuds, especially as the Russian scored two goals at Wigan on Sunday. It won't have escaped your attention that four days earlier Elmander didn't even get two shots on target at the same ground. Of our record signing he thinks that as soon as one goes in he will be off and running but we've already had four of those false dawns this season and it is a no brainer that as soon as Kidneys gets back to full fitness it will be the old tin tack and back onto the bench for Johan, probably for the last time. He is just not an out and out goalscorer and for all his workrate that is what he was brought in for. Enough ink has been wasted on why he was a bad buy, through no fault of his.

So, I've got my ticket and me and the other twenty fans will be singing tonight in the upper echelons of the ground. Much has been made on 606 of the fact that ITV isn't screening the game, preferring instead to show Chelski for God's sake. This then turned into another aren't your fans crap diatribe from someone who doesn't know. Of our fans I will say this; some are good, some are bad, some go all the time, some don't. I don't. I live in London. I go to away games. I'm going tonight. The game is two hundred miles and at least five hours away, on a school night. I'm surprised we got two hundred. Doesn't make Bolton fans any more fervent that any other team's fans, just more financially prudent. Look where blowing money got Portsmouth. But that is an arguement for another day. Probably tomorrow, after we win.

Until tomorrow, I don't do requests.

They ruined a perfect asshole when they put teeth in your mouth....

Afternoon all, and we start with a bit of unrelated Bolton news but as it involves everyone's special Bolton hater, we'll make an exception. Apparently Stanley Victor said in T'Mirror yesterday that if Mr Vinegar of The Emirates gave him Theo Walcott he would turn him into a world beater. An Arsenal fan almost immediately came out with the obvious retort, changing the word "world" into something else. See if you can guess what that word is before going here to see if you were right. Which of course, you were.

Moving swiftly on like a sleek gazelle in the Serengeti, giving the two fingered salute to a couple of lions after running into some water and then shouting "Come on you pussies", we come to Kelly's "One" Eye in today's former BEN. It is very difficult for someone to write so much and say so little and yet Tony has managed that in spades today. Whilst we wouldn't want to wish unemployment on anybody, is it me or does it seem strange that the mouthpiece of the former manager is the only one who DIDN'T go in the cull of the staff, especially as his backing for the former manager set your teeth on edge. And now it is as if this never happened in Tony's world. Yes, we are aware that he holds a special place in the hearts of Bolton fans but now that St Owen is in place, is there a need for a "Fans Liasion Officer" as the manager seems to be doing a decent job himself. Just a thought.

Turning our thoughts to tomorrow's match at The Spuds and it seems that T'Trotters will be missing Gretar and Little Davies, and with both Little Jack and Dracula cup tied, this may see a debut for our new Yank, Stuart Holden, of whom the manager says

He is a young, hungry player who is desperate to do well and an exciting prospect who always catches the eye.

This is a big chance for Holden who is the only one of the three new signings we have a chance of keeping in the summer. It is also a chance for some fringe players, with both Riga and Big Al being mentioned in despatches. For Riga, a player who has flattered to decieve, that ship has almost certainly sailed, but it would be interesting to see how Big Al copes against Spurs forward line. It can't be easy for him, seeing Jussi pull off save after save every week and he deserves some sort of action, if only to keep Jussi in cotton wool for a day or so. As for the Spuds, they are missing the perenially injured Ledley King and Iron Lennon and their own cuptied Younes Kaboul. However, Spurs are a different proposition at home than away but we have come away with some results over the years, although the first time that I left a game early was in the 4-0 loss a couple of years back.

There is little doubt that the Wolves game is more important than tomorrow and very few would begrudge St Owen putting out a lesser team than usual, but the manager generally bigs up the cup. As such we would expect a line up of Al - Stefan, Zat, AOB, Not Mike - Matty, Ricky, Mumba, Lee - Kidneys, SuperKev. The Muppet Cascarino predicts a Spurs win, obviously, but doesn't seem to have seen our clean sheets since St Owen took over, as apparently we are "leaking goals". Which tells you all you need to know about Tony Cascarino, a man who won exactly nothing in England.

And, with that top and tailing our critique of useless former football playing journalists, we will ask you if the CIA have got you pushing too many pencils and see you tomorrow.

Cool Your Jets

OK everybody, calm down. There is no need to do anything, even on the back of a performance yesterday that was a first return to the bad old days of non committment and amateurish defending, players not seeming to know who to pass to and, when they did, not knowing what to do with the ball.

Let us start with the good things, of which there were a couple. The fans still chanting the managers name even though we were being soundly beaten and our most successful manager of the modern era was sat in the opposition dugout. If this game had happened three months ago you could be guaranteed that the Blackburn and Bolton fans would be chanting one name only. Secondly, and just for a second, the cameras caught Gartslime and Big Sam sharing a handshake. Nothing to be read into that except that a few months ago the two of them would have been standing behind stantions under the stand trying to pop each other off with a couple of 9mm while calling each other names unprintable in a family publication.

To the game however, and if it hadn't been for Jussi, called a fantastic servant by Jon Champion so many times yesterday I'm thinking of ringing him up and asking him if he can do the silver service for my wedding, the score would have undoubtedly been a couple more than it was. This is noted by The Granuiad and all papers agree this morning that Blackburn were the better team, but as that was obvious from about the first minute yesterday, we will spare you the bother of linking to all the articles that are predicting Bolton's doom.

However, while we usually come here to praise St Owen not to bury him, there are one or two things to note. First and foremost, if there was never an intention to play Jack Wilshere from the start in games, then why loan him from Arsenal. OK, all his little cameo against Wigan showed was teenage petulance rather than silky skills, but to keep the same team that played against Wigan, who should have won, was folly. Muamba is tracking people better, although yesterday he did it badly, but if you are going to play him then he should not be asked to go forward as his shooting is woeful and is now becoming a joke. Matty Taylor has not been at the races all season and if he was a racehorse would have been put out to pasture by now. Now we wouldn't want to tell the manager his job, although I bet he hasn't taken Trafford F.C. to Champions League glory in Football Manager, but it came as little shock that Bolton's best passage of play came once those two came off and Saturday's game screams for Dracula, Little Jack and Little Davies to come in for Muamba, Taylor and Ricky (who is not and never has been a central midfielder), as well as the returning Kidneys, who managed more shots on target in ten minutes than the misfiring Swede managed in the rest of the game. Whilst Weiss and Wilshere are cuptied on Wednesday, Klasnic HAS to be given sixty minutes and Little Davies HAS to start for either Muamba or Matty, otherwise this time Spurs are going to cause us problems, and they managed to score three goals on Wigan's pudding pitch yesterday. Christ, two of those were scored by Pavlyunlongname.

But getting back to yesterday's game. St Owen has called the defending "schoolboy" and has since admitted to the former BEN that he laid into the players after them game saying

we did not, individually or collectively, get anywhere near our standard and that’s what leaves a bad taste in my mouth

Well, it left a bad taste in my mouth yesterday, but drowning your sorrows with about three bottles of vino upsadaisy tends to do that, and further along in the article he admits that he may make changes on Wednesday but alludes that this is more to do with survival than getting to Wembley, and that is the first glimmer that he may consider the challenge greater than it initially was.

However, three points on Saturday, against a team who don't exactly leak goals away from home but should be easier fodder, will lift us up to where we should be at the end of the season, i.e. not in the bottom three. Obviously, the one problem that we have is getting goals ourselves, but this should be rectified by the return of Klasnic, who should be biting at the reins to get back onto the pitch full time. And that is the end of the equine analogies.

Yesterday, EPSN made great truck of the fact that this is our most barren run since the Kronenburg brewery opened its doors, but records, good or bad, are there to be broken. It is now up to our attacking players to make sure it isn't elongated. We at the Towers are sure that they will do us proud, and if not we will be visiting their house in the same fashion we visited Cashley Hole's last week but this time we won't be running off without some silverware bastards!

In other news, the Chelsea away game has been chosen for live coverage, moving the game to April 12th. This is good news for me as I was wondering what to do on my last afternoon of the honeymoon but I'm sure that Mrs X will be having a few words, having already seen her west coast sojourn elongated by a day due to the Stretford game being live.

And finally, there will be a small intermission at the end of this week, not unlike the one at the end of last week, but this time it is due to twenty two northerners and one southerner taking Essex apart pub by pub on my stag do. I'm sure you'll understand.

Unitl tomorrow, hasta la vista. Don't know how I missed that one.

Somewhere From The North: A Statement

Dear loyal reader. I know that yesterday I said that I would be giving you an update today, but after a hard day at work I realise that I cannot fulfill my promise. I know that this will come as a huge disappointment to you and that I have let you down. I'm deeply sorry for my irresponsible behaviour and never realised that a twelve hour shift would do this to me. Sorry. I thought normal rules didn't apply but it turns out that I can't manage to think of anything erudite to say after four hours sleep and then saving London. I have cheated and...no hang on that's not right. The simple answer is there was no time, so we will reconvene tomorrow if that's alright between you and me. I knew you'd forgive me, as I am the most regularly updated Bolton Wanderers blog around.

Until tomorrow, be good to yourselves, and each other. Unless you're Stan Collymore.

Following Corporal Jones' mantra....

Imagine for a moment the rules of football had been changed and the game had to be played to a result, not with extra time or penalties, but with the schoolyard mantra of next goal wins. Imagine again that if those rules had applied to last night's game they would still be playing. Go on, close your eyes and imagine it. Not pleasant.

To say last night was a shocker is to put too mild a comment on it but I have been trying since ten o'clock last night to think of a word that doesn't have some sort of expletive in front of it to characterise the game and I can't. So, as I'm feeling generous, I'll give you two. It was fucking shit.

Now, we are aware that the game was played on a pitch that looked like it had been physically turned over so that the grass was on the bottom and then trampled over by the hordes from the circus trying to get hold of Nelly before she made her way back into the jungle, but that is not to excuse millioniare footballers, supposedly paid to try and play some kind of football and not to just hoof it where no one is and then expect someone who isn't there to keep hold of it. And this is not just having a go at the Bolton players, Wigan were just as culpable. Even though the stream I was watching it on was free and the pictures were thirty seconds behind the commentary on the BBC, I was still shouting for my money back.

I've seen some bad pitches. T'Reebok itself was a mud bath for a large part of the last promotion season but supposedly inferior players still managed to play it on the floor. Sunday League players can play it on the floor. What was served last night was not good enough.

However, even though I say that, some things rose above the dross. There does appear to be more of a team ethic amongst the players and they hassled and harried in much the same way they did Spurs on Sunday and another clean sheet is a plus. However the forward play of Sunday was strangely lacking and it wasn't until towards the end that some chances came, unfortunately coming to Matty Taylor who seems to have been taking shooting tips from Fabrice.

I can see why St Owen didn't start Little Jack or Dracula, this wasn't the sort of game for these young men and their trickery. However, when they did come in, both showed why they are NOT in their parent club's first team. Wilshere was eased off a ball and started crying rather than trying to win the ball back, a typically Arsenal trait, while Weiss seemed to just put his head down and run until being tackled, then stopped. Maybe some detention for the kids in the team ethic classroom wouldn't go amiss. And don't think we didn't miss Matty and his prima donna attitude after being subbed. We are Bolton, we don't do that.

However, we wouldn't go as far as some people who seem to be starting to grumble. The manager has taken positives from a game that we haven't lost and while the forward line is missing it's figurehead and sometimes missing the stand behind the goal never mind the goal when shooting, you don't lose games when your goals against equals zero and this whilst missing it's leader. There are bigger challenges to be had, Blackburn away already looming large on the horizon, and if you had said to me after looking at that pitch before the game yesterday would I have taken a point, I would have said yes. I just didn't expect the game to be so dire.

The majority of reports this morning also focused on the pitch, The Currant saying the pitch was worse than the weather, The Nazi likening the pitch to the weather that postponed the initial game, The Mirror calling it "a shambles" while The Granuiad confirms that the state of the pitch may have caused the teams to revert back to what used to be type.

So we move forward and at least find ourselves a place above the Dingles, which can only be a good thing. Talking to thecrapwebsite Zat mentions his new defensive partner and bigs him up before noting

He is bringing the best out of me and hopefully I can continue playing the way that I am playing. Davo is the captain of the team but I feel like a leader at the back, talking to the midfielders and other defenders.

With Cahill out it did need Zat to step up and make himself the player that got into the England squad. While we don't for one minute think he was ever that good anyway, his performances have certainly been top notch and playing alongside him appears to be doing Not Mike the world of good. We don't yet know how long Cahill will be out for so it seems that this will be our defensive partnership for some time to come. It is not the best of arrangements as we would prefer Not Mike to Stefan on the left, Stefan last night seeming to be an accident waiting to happen again, but two clean sheets in three games is testament to one thing that no one can grumble about.

There will be a late update tomorrow so until then, let off some steam Bennett.

Praise The Lord

Tonight, at last, we get down to the business end of the season. Forget all those high falutin', multi millionaires of Citeh, The Scousers and The Arse, here is where we have to nail our colours to the mast and show the rest of the Premier League, and those naysayers in the press (yes, Stanley Victor Collymore, I am looking at you and if you don't come out with the most humble of humble pies at the end of the season, being caught in a car park by the rozzers, doing whatever people of your intelligence do, will be the least of your problems. I am already thinking gaffer tape, strapped to a chair, whilst Big Duncan from Fort William, who has not had a man for twelve years because they don't do that kind of thing up there, takes all his frustration out on you with a soldering iron and twelve pints of Heavy), exactly why we poached Burnley's manager. The performances have been good and have managed to incline certain members of Her Majesty's press to remark, somewhat begrudgingly in some cases, that things might have changed. However, playing better and losing is all well and good, it does not put points on the table.

Which leads me onto the game tonight at our nearest and dearest Woolyback friends from the whatdoyoucallit stadium. Neither having the time, inclination nor care to see which way Wigan have been playing recently, the only thing I can say with certainty is that whatever way they are playing it isn't getting them many points. Apparently, according to one Wigan blog, it's been going long, thereby bypassing a pitch that has started to be cut up by the use of both Athletic and the town's team that play the girls version of rugby. And if they are going long, what better team to smack them down than the masters of long ball football. However, they don't play Spurs until the weekend.

Talking to the crapwebsite, Stefan, who has been appearing too much in the press recently, like he thinks he's a regular team member or something, says

I'm expecting that it will be an end-to-end game, but not too open. Hopefully we will come away with three points.

Nothing like trying to tear the neutrals away from Midsomer Murders.

For Bolton, only Zat gives cause for concern and that is a different kind of concern than he used to give us. Apart from the long term injuries, Cahill (clot), Kidneys (calf) and The Badger (like I care), the problem that forced Zat off at the weekend may cause him to miss tonight, leaving AOB to partner Not Mike. Apparently Tamir is pressing for a return to the team, but let's hope he only presses himself between two others on the subs bench. For Wigan, McCarthy is rated at 50/50 whilst Moses and Moreno, which sounds like a firm of Jewish solicitors, are pressing for a game. Man for man, we should beat them, but that makes me sound like a Spurs fan. But I expect a win, simply because we are now eternal optomists.

And, even though I only said it half jokingly, I am not surprised to see what is becoming a daily update on Gary "Gaz" Cahill, this time in the BEN. Apparently he had a blood clot. What, you didn't know?

I will see you tomorrow on the other side of three points. Until then, he had to split.

Snooze....

Not much going on the wild world of Bolton Wanderers today, which isn't to say that we haven't got any musings and in no way shape or form will we be padding up this edition with long, superfluous sentences that seem to meander away like a slow river, not going anywhere until they stop somewhere in The Cotswolds.

After some bartering, the Spurs replay will be played next Wednesday after T'Trotters agreed to move the Blackburn game to Sunday, meaning an early rise for all the soap dodgers. This will obviously mean that the takings in all of Blackburn pubs will be hit, what with them having to get straight back from the game for their weekly iron bath, whether they need it or not. Of the game, which we will naturally win, more later this week.

Tomorrow we visit our nearest neighbours and attempt to come away with something that has largely eluded us since Wigan bought their way into the Premier League. One win and one draw at the Whatevertheyarecallingitthisseason Stadium since Wigan were promoted is not a good enough return, especially as we regularly end up above them at the end of the season. Of course, the most infamous game came a couple of years ago when the Bolton team phoned in a performance so insipid, Bolton Council were flooded with complaints the Monday after under the Trades Description Act and RyanAir flew some fans back for gratis in sympathy.

Of course, that is gone now and our saviour has been talking about the game. Managing to sound authorative on the subject as well as stating that bleeding obvious (again) he says

Wednesday is a massive game for both clubs - there is no doubt about that. No one likes to be in the bottom three and the only way to get out of that is to win matches

Now we at the Towers love St Owen. We have a St Owen mug, a St Owen towel, eat off a St Owen plate and sleep under a St Owen duvet while Mrs X sleeps in the spare room under her Stevie G one. However, the monotony of this is beginning to grate. We all know it's a massive game, we all know the next six games are against teams in the bottom half and we all know that they won't be easy (the Burnley game saw to that). If St Owen ever leaves football, maybe Parliament should come calling as he manages to keep you informed without telling you anything you don't already know.

He has also told the misfiring Swede to keep trying with this titbit of coaching for when in front of goal

As simple as it sounds, you have to maintain your level of composure.

This reminds me of the time that Mrs X told me that she had cancelled something under my name, using my phone and imitating my voice. As simple as it sounds, I had to maintain my composure as well, helped by five double JD's in the local after I had stormed out. Of course, years later we are still together, so there must be an analogy there somewhere. Suffice to say, as big as my lungs are for shouting expletives at the television, my breath will not be held.

The manager has confirmed the return of Little Jack and The Transylvanian, whilst holding out hope that Zat will be back. Hopefully the only change will be Wilshere for Taylor, as well as Matty played on Sunday, with Wilshere being given free rein to fly at Bramble. We don't mean fly literally or anything, only one player can have jets for heels and we have him on loan from Citeh.

Other than this, apparently Gary "Gaz" Cahill's blood clot isn't as bad as feared. This follows last week's update that his blood clot isn't as bad as feared and the weekend's news that Cahill's blood clot isn't as bad as feared. Apparently on Wednesday we'll be told that Gary Cahill's blood clot isn't as bad as feared. Let's hope so, I don't know what I'd do without the continuous updates.

Until tomorrow, what's got Billy so spooked?

Maybe we could use dummies to fill the seats?

Monday morning rolled around and T'Wanderers get almost universal praise for their performance against the Spuds yesterday. However, quite a lot of print has been used to wonder why the ground was only half full yesterday, with some people using this as an another excuse to beat Bolton with the stick that we do not belong in the Premiership.
One writer on 606 actually got it back from his fellow Tottenham fans, but call after call to the 606 programme last night focused not really on Bolton's performance but the 13,000 crowd, and, surprise surbloodyprise, the majority of them came from our North London friends who should really have been weeping into their lager tops all the way down the M6 long before their buck toothed, short arsed, striker scored.

Well, while it is true that average attendances at T'Reebok are down from the early days in the Reebok, this is true for most of the Premiership. And while those from the Seven Sisters Road have a large fanbase, due to being in a city with a population of eight million, plus a residual overflow into Middlesex and a large contingent of visiting fans from Tel Aviv every week (no, it's true), when it comes to fellow London teams they only have to contend with Arsenal and Chelsea when it comes to those that are near the top of the league, while, in a conurbation roughly the same size, Bolton have to put up with Stretford, The Tenants and Liverpool. The only other London teams in the Premiership are The Hammers and Fulham, while Bolton have had to regularly put up with Everton and Blackburn, and now we have The Dingles for good measure. Add that to a depressed economy, affecting the north west worse than the south east, the fact the game was at 1:30, on the TV, on Valentine's Day and that most Spurs fans are single with one hand continually down their trousers, and you will see why they managed to bring nearly half the crowd.

Plus, I don't see anyone mentioning Fulham's 16,000 crowd, a large part of who were Notts County fans, and their ground is, very picturesquely, stuck right in the middle of London, not at the arse end of the M61. Case closed, muppets.

And while I am on my continual high horse, while working overnight I noticed the news reports on BBC, ITN and Sky Sports News all said Huddlestone missed. No, he didn't. Jussi saved. You could tell that by the fact the shot was on target and he got his hands to it.

Anyway, to the performance. It is really very difficut to fault anyone at all in the game, even Stefan who, barring his miscue onto the bar, managed to stand up Bentley rather than leave his leg dangling. Jussi, the penalty save notwithstanding, pulled off a couple of great saves, the defence were solid when called on, except for the goal. Chung had a quiet game and was being dealt a torrid time by Bale by the time he came off but played effectively when attacking. Muamba and Ricky nullified any threat Spurs' central midfield had and if I was Ledley King I would still be looking round wondering where the hell SuperKev and the misfiring Swede are.

Naturally the performance was going to suffer as the second half went on, simply because there is only so much chasing and harrying you can do and this allowed Spurs to get a foothold in the game. The fact that they got a foothold is only because of our inability to put the chances we had into the net. However if we can get into these positions, it augurs well for when our only natural goalscorer returns to the team. However I dont think we can wait for Cahill, ho ho.

Good news on The Other Davis, you know, the one that played four games before injuring himself walking off the pitch after getting sent off. Or something. Well, he will be able to start running by March he tells thecrapwebsite. Out of all the summer signings, Davis was the one that I was most looking forward to and it was a shame that we didn't see him play to full effect. It would be good to see him play before the end of the season and then come 2010-2011, when we fully expect to still be in the Premier League, it will be like signing a new player, blah blah blah.

In the news over the weeked, it is reported that both Stretford and The Pool are scouting Little Davies. Stretford see him as a replacement for Paul Scholes, Liverpool as a replacement for no one in particular and probably just an opportunity to piss us off. As much as I think we need Wilshere and Weiss this season, we have to be keeping players like Little Davies at the club. Our inability to keep Guthrie a couple of years ago caused us problems, although not as many as to Guthrie himself (how's the Fizzy Pop League Danny?) and, while I believe that Mark is good enough for one of the big four and it is only a matter of time, like Cahill, before he gets snapped up, a couple more seasons at the Reebok would serve both him and us well. Besides, Stretford have enough midfielders and Liverpool will probably pay £10million for him and then stick him on the bench while another Spaniard gets a game.

Elsewhere on the net, sport.co.uk choose Bolton's best and worst kits of our Premier League stay. The best, they say, was the 2001-2003 home top. Hard to disagree with this, although I preferred the one that immediately followed it, which just had a hint of red in it. The worst though has been chosen to be the away kit 2004-06. Have they not seen our last two home tops, the apron and the dish cloth? Ooh, look at me, getting all fashionista. Well, UK design does need a new Enfant Terrible. What? Too soon?

Until tomorrow, consider that a divorce.

The Spurs (Semi)-Live Blog

Hello, and welcome to our first, as it happens, blog. Obviously, due to the fact that Bolton hardly appear on live TV, not being a member of the Sky 4, these will be few and far between. Oh, hang on, there's another one on Wednesday.

A quick note on the team, nearly as I saw it a couple of days ago, although I am surprised to see Ricky in the team.

Peter Drury notes Matty's presence in the team and says that Bolton may be stronger than on Tuesday. Obviously hasn't been followimg the team recently. Good to see a Lofthouse stand full......

Harry and St Owen share a laugh and a handshake. Funny, when Harry closes his mouth he looks like Churchill. The Dog. Oh yes.

Cameras point at Eidur, looking estactic to be on the bench again.

5 mins. And the ball falls to Muamba. Catch it Spurs fan in the top stand.
6 mins. Those bloody drums. Are they ever going to stop. I feel like The Master.
8 mins. Fantastic cross, falls to the wrong man but at least its hit with conviction and on target.
9 mins. Corner across, Gomes punches and we hear the first cries of "freak". Must be Crouch on the ball. Defoe takes Stefans head off and Zat gets his first shot on target this season. First shot towards to oppositon goal on target I mean.
11 mins. Spur's early tactic appears to be the decapitation of Stefan. Another shot from the misfiring Swede, over the bar.
13 mins. Ooooh, Spurs have had a shot. Oooh, Matty's done an impression of Muamba.
14 mins. Ooooh, the misfiring Swede has done an impression of Muamba.
16 mins. Dirty Spurs. Huddlestone gets a yellow.
17 mins. Spurs are in a battle says the commentator. Yes, a one side battle where they don't know what to do.
18 mins. Harry's on the screen. Oh, no no no no. Apparently the next shot Elmander does has to be on target. No shit Sherlock.
21 mins. Capello's in the stand next to Gartslime. Obviously here to watch SuperKev.
22 mins. How the hell are these not going in?
23 mins. Dirty Spurs II. Palacios gets a yellow.
24 mins. Great free kick from Taylor. Good save Gomes. Spurs manage to get out of their own half. Not for long.
26 mins. Mrs X says Bentley looks like a small time pimp. Hard to disagree.
27 mins. Huddlestone does an impression of Muamba. Crouch does an impression of Muamba.
28 mins. Another free kick. Modric covers his face, obviously because he's been hit there before.
32 mins. Quiet period, Bentley has to go off for a blood injury, possibly for being punched in the face by one of his hos.
34 mins. That my friend, is how you play football. Long ball team? Super goal from Super Kev. Hats off to the misfiring Swede.
36 mins. Great defending from Not Mike. Who needs Cahill? No, I don't mean that.
39 mins. Long thrown into the box and Crouch heads wide. These boys are offering nothing at the moment.
42 mins. Commentator notices that Stefan is playing well. Or the Pimp isn't. One or the other.
43 mins. Dirty Bolton. Zat Knight booked. Looked fair to me. Well, it was on a Spurs player. Smacking one of them in the face would be fair.
45 mins. Elmander takes on for the team whilst getting in the way.
46 mins. Matty Taylor calls Defoe a short arse and gets harshly booked. Defoe gets booked for being ugly and a short arse, which is quite fair.

HALF TIME.

I'm trying to decide whether Steve Rider is being patronising or not, but I agree with the fact that you can watch that goal again and again. Seventeen passes.

No, he is being patronising, saying "What can Spurs do about the silky skills of Bolton Wanderers?" Arse.

Amir Khan getting interviewed now. Very up, course we can win. I'd have him in a fight. No, I'd have him in a fight with me. Don't be silly.

SECOND HALF

46 mins. Can Spurs do anyhing about Chung? Super Kev's shot could have gone anywhere.
48 mins. Spurs whinging about the goal. Apparently Clive Allen had a go at Phil Dowd in the tunnel for not waving The Pimp back on before the goal. Dowd says he did and Bentley was too busy getting the hair out his eyes to see it.
49 mins. Harry on the screen again, looking like he's been parachuted into a porcupine farm. (One for our foreign fans there).
50 mins. One touch passing, misfiring Swede misfires from acute angle.
51 mins. Another Spurs attack breaks down. Should really put that on repeat.
52 mins. Another Spurs attack breaks down.
53 mins. Another Spurs attack breaks down. Muamba shoots wide. Should have that on repeat as well.
54 mins. Crouch hits bar. Dawson hand balls. Stefan hits our bar. WTF?
57 mins. Spurs coming back into it. Commentator says Crouch unlucky to hit wood. isn't that what he does every time he gives Abi a spanking?
59 mins. This is all getting a bit frantic.
60 mins. Bollocks. At least he's in my fantasy team.
62 mins. Kranjcar on for Modric. AOB on for Zat. These could decide the afternoon.
65 mins. Quite time finished by Palacios blazing over.
66 mins. Kranjcar shoots, good save Jussi. They have to step this up now otherwise we'll be run over.
68 mins. Looks like Little Davies is coming on. Chung off.
70 mins. Well, this is all going pear shaped isn't it. Not Mike handles. Time for Jussi to out psych Huddlestone.
71 mins. Which he does. SAAAAAAAAVVVEEEE!!!
72 mins. Defoe being allowed too much time, fantasy football or not.
73 mins. Now the change comes. South Korean banners in the stands. Obviously a lot of our Asian friends live in Radcliffe.
77 mins. Game seems to have calmed down now. Except for Crouch heading wide after the ball hits him on the head more than anything.
78 mins. Good close skills from the misfiring Swede, one touch too many.
80 mins. I've only just noticed, Gareth Bale looks like a vampire.
81 mins. Defoe thinks Ricketts puts a high foot in. Any foot on Defoe would be high.
82 mins. Looks like we're not going to see Eidur come on, which is a shame.
85 mins. It's kind of fizzling out now. Looks like we'll do it again.
87 mins. I've just noticed, Mark Davies looks like Matt D'Angelo. Oh no, we're going to lose. Cohen's on for Matty.
88 mins. Super Kev is man of the match. Well deserved. Three mins injury time.
89 mins. Another bit of sloppy defending. This is like watching Dr. Who when I was six.
91 mins. On repeat, Muamba hits it wide.
92 mins. Spurs take three goes at deciding on a throw in taker.
93 mins. That's it. Get your tickets whenever you want, there'll be plenty.

A Taxing Weekend

Remember way back when, well 2006, when the joke after Bolton beat Portsmouth shortly after the infamous Panorama programme was that neither manager would see the press as "Sam is all bunged up and Harry isn't feeling two grand"? No? Well, Tottenham and their, allegedly, tax avoiding manager come T'Reebok on Sunday looking to improve on their wretched record at the ground. After being systematically outplayed for large parts of the game by even the former manager in October, yes credit where it's due, Spurs have managed to put some good runs together to find themselves sixth in the table and get to the point where they may even be able to back up the suggestion by the majority of their deluded fans that they are a "big club", who have been slightly less than big since, oooh, before the cold war. Started. Their problem has always been the same. For a big club, they have always had a problem putting the little clubs away, hence this week's loss to Wolves, Wolves completing the double over them, has come on the back of being unable to beat Hull, Birmingham and even Leeds since the decade turned.

It isn't hard to like Harry Redknapp, he wheels and deals, more or less tells it like it is, and deserved a chance at a club who could offer more to him than West Ham and Portsmouth. This is what Spurs needed, after all the fancy dans who have managed them before, always following the fans mantra of scoring one more than the opposition, but unable to do this due to buying either bad, crocked or (possibly) dead defenders.

Their problems against us ostensibly lie in what Bolton fans hate to be told their team are but is used to great effect against teams like Spurs at home. Physicallity. Our defence can deal with high balls to Crouch all day long and Defoe seems to have the Indian sign hung over him by the time he reaches the M61. We are normally torn off a strip by Aaron Lennon, but he's out, although Bentley seems to have found some of the form that caused Spurs to sign him. Eidur is in their squad and, as always, it will be good to see him back at the ground where he always gets a good reception and acknowledges it, but I wouldn't expect him to start.

For Bolton, both Weiss and Wilshere are cup tied, which is a damn shame as it would have been nice to seem them twisting and turning and testing Ledley King's knee. So I would expect the same line up as Tuesday, with Little Davies coming in for Little Jack. I think we can safely assume that Stefan Dennis will keep his position at left back, although for what reason I don't know, as playing him must surely make the left wingers job harder, especially if that winger is Matty Taylor who we all know couldn't track a Royal Mail parcel, never mind an opposition player.

Here at T'Towers we are going for 2-1 win, simply because St Owen has more or less said he will be putting out a strong team. However, Lawro seems to think that just because Spurs are a good cup side they will win (pardon me, two league cups in twenty years does not a good cup side make. So did Leicester), while Gudni unsurprisingly backs T'Wanderers.

Elsewhere, St Owen has told the press that Gary "Gaz" Cahill, may be back in the fold before the end of the season. Reporting that he may have been misquoted he says

I never gave up hope anyway. I said we suspected he would be out for a period of time, probably a couple of months. Then obviously because in a couple of months there's not long to go, it all of a sudden became he's out for the season

Obviously this is good news as this would put him back in sometime early April, just in time for the run in and is probably one of a select group of Bolton players who could fit into any new system the manager is running by then. And obviously it would mean Ricketts can move over to the left, negating the Stefan Dennis effect.

Elsewhere he attempts to pick up his troops, which means you and me as well as the players, in a kind of vaguely, 'we were behind Derby but look at us now' sort of way, although that is obviously not what he means. He says

We came into the club in the bottom three — so it isn’t as if we have been sitting around at the top, and started slipping down the table

Now, we aren't going to go over old ground, four games in six against those in the top five, blah blah blah, next games are winnable ho hum, although it is predictable that if we had known that we would be taking four points from six games under St Owen we would still be looking through rose tinted glasses, but now is the time to shut up about it and get on with the business of climbing the table. And to never ever say anything former managerial again. He got away with the Sammy Lee like "positives" and he will get away with this, as long as he isn't sat in the Goals on Sunday studio in two years still saying it.

And, just before I finish, go back up the page, look at the picture, and tell me Jamie doesn't get his looks from his mum, although his botoxed like expressions while being a pundit obviously come from having a fence rammed up his arse.

As Arnie would say, I'll Be Back. I am going to run out of these quotes quite quckly.

Up Before The Beak

Right, little time to do anything today, as it's already gone into tomorrow on GMT. Mrs X has hogged the computer organising the honeymoon tonight. And I didn't even realise we weren't married.

Obviously the major news is that the FA have written a strongly worded letter to SuperKev, requesting an explaination as to his comments relating to Mark Clusterfuck after the Fulham game. It isn't like we didn't know it was coming and admirable as St Owen's defence of his captain was, there was little doubt that Lancaster Gate would be sharpening it's HB and putting the Queen's face on a letter, c/o T'Reebok. While SuperKev's comments hold a lot of weight, no doubt he will be given a warning and a fine, unless of course the disciplinary commitee is headed by Mr. Hustlebuck himself, in which case five years in Siberia will probably be counted as a lucky escape.

Otherwise it's just the usual "haven't we played well while losing" pieces on the crap website, this time from The New Gudni (I take a lot of time thinking up these names y'know), while in the former BEN, St Owen basically praises The Shitt whilst telling him that he has about as much chance of getting in the team as Alf Ippititimus. One for the kids there.

As Arnie would say, stay frosty. Until tomorrow.

It Was The Best Of Times, It Was The Worst Of Times

UPDATE:REEDITED SO THE COHEN SENTENCE MAKES SENSE!

Well, it certainly was a tale of two citys last night. Made to look ordinary by a resolute Bolton team, unless you read The Currant, they were a poor reflection of a side that cost £200million. And don't believe that they are on the up. From what we saw last night, and after their defeat to Hull at the weekend, they will have difficulty scraping into the Europa League.

But a bit of sublime skill from Viera and Adebyebye and a rash moment from Stefan Dennis cannot take away how well T'Trotters played. From front to back, barring two players, they were exemplary, chasing and harrying as if they were in the bottom three. (STOP PRESS: They are). There was some one touch passing the like of which Andy Gray seemed never to have seen before from a Bolton team. This is the way they have to play if we are to stay up.

And make no mistake, this is where the business end of the season starts. I'm not going to list the games again, Big Sam did it enough times last night on Sky Sports, repeating the joke at least three times that "as long as they can win six of them he'll be happy. Ah ha ha ha ha ha!" OK, maybe not in a Lord Flasheart kind of way, but he was admitting that they are winnable.

The only thing missing last night was the finish. The misfiring Swede lived up to my nickname for him but managed to put himself in better positions than he has done, SuperKev gave the Citeh defence a torrid time. At the back, bar the Adebayor goal, Knight and Not Mike were exeptional at keeping the forward line that I bigged up yesterday quiet and Steinsson flew down the wings enough times to keep the City defence busy when they weren't being worried by Chungy (Copyright Matt Taylor). Muamba managed to get a shot on target, but then blotted his copybook literally ten seconds later by ballooning a shot so high it came down where Maine Road used to be, where it was soon involved in a knife fight, only being taken down by a drive by shooting by some lads called Dwayne driving a stolen Prius that was later seen wrapped around one of the railings of Alexandra Park. But I digress.

Tamir, Tamir, Tamir. If you don't pull your socks up soon all you will be known as is Avi's son who used to play for Bolton. (New record for that one broken by Alan Parry last night at 4:25). Imagine Little Davies' face when he realised that Jack Wilshere was in the team only to find out seconds later that he was the one that had been dropped. Yes, a nice little passing sequence with Chungy and a last minute tackle were well done, but last night I thought you'd changed your name to "Cohen. Oh Dear" I heard it so much. You see those things around your ankles? Pull them up or you'll be back where the former manager found you.

Stefan Dennis. Where do I start? How about this quote:

I stuck my leg out and he ran into me, what else could I do? The ball wasn’t exactly going to stay on the pitch, and I think any normal referee would have just given a goal kick but when you come to these places you don’t get anything

Let me break it down. One, you left your leg hanging there as an invitation for Johnson to run over it. It was left there so long I had the time to get out of my chair, get the tube to Euston, the train the Manchester, connect at Oxford Road for the bus, run into the stadium and fall over it and it STILL would have been a penalty. What you could have done was not stick it out and use your considerable bulk to shepherd the ball out. Two, there was a normal referee on the pitch and he gave the right decision. Three, if you know you don't get anything, whydafookyoudoit?

Actually, maybe the referee isn't normal, seeing as how he saw your attempt to cut Shaun Wright-Phillips even more down to size as only a yellow. The devil on my left shoulder was telling me to call for a red, thereby making St Owen play either Jlloyd or Ricky in the next game. Actually, the angel on my right shoulder was telling me as well, but I was well onto my fifth glass of wine then so it may have affected his perception. And the ref did also miss Kolo Toure's early entry for the next Olympic's new event of "grass tobogganing without the toboggan". Not that the misfiring Swede would have got to the ball and put it in the net.

But, to equal all this out we had to debut of Jack Wilshere. Neat touches on the ball, holding it up well, better vision than the players he was playing with. If Mr Whinegear has any sense he will loan Jack to us for next season as well. St Owen knows a good thing when he sees it and we can only hope, pray and sacrifice our eldest that he plays him alongside Weiss and Little Davies in the next seven games. Because for one they are better than what is there at the moment and for two, it's going to take everyone else a couple of games to tune into his wavelength.

So we are now 19th and Stan Colllymore is probably laughing up his sleeve, while hiding in some bushes trying to avoid the police. Bastard. I really hope he gets his and not in a good way.

Until tomorrow, Towers out.

To the Council House

We have a lot to catch up on since the last post so let's get on with the public attack on Mark Clattenburg.

It will have escaped nobodys attention that Bolton should have had a goal on Saturday and this is now the fifth game this season where we have had Mr Clattenburg and haven't got three points from it. Now we at The Towers aren't ones for stats but the list of refs we have had in the league so far this season reads thus:

Mark Clattenburg 5
Chris Foy 3
Steve Bennett 3
Phil Dowd 3
Andre Marriner 2
Mike Jones 2
Alan Wiley 2
Peter Walton 1
Mike Dean 1
Martin Atkinson 1

Now, in an utterly unscientific way, this would pre suppose that we aren't going to get him again this season, and in no way are we going to blame him for the games that we have lost with him in charge this season, to Villa and Stretford, and the draws with Stoke and Citeh (he did send Craig Bellamy off for tripping over his laces), but his staggering decision on Saturday, when only he and everyone's favourite grandad Roy Hodgson saw the supposed push by SuperKev on Hangeland, could now hang over us like the Sword of Damocles (we're all still happy but at any moment a big sword could land on our head sending us down to The Championship if you don't know your Greek legend). SuperKev claimed that the referee hardly gives him anything and St Owen later backed the captain. Funnily enough it is now SuperKev that could be in trouble with the law after his comments. Maybe he could ring up Clattenburg and ask him how you go about circumnavigating the rules.

Otherwise the game was an unremarkable mish mash of Fulham defending and Bolton unable to break them down. The fact that we kept a clean sheet has to be applauded, especially as the defence had to make do without Gary Cahill. We certainly had enough shots on target but the lack of goals is now becoming a worry. The midfield has hardly changed since the days of the former manager and there is little possibility of it changing for tonight's game as it is envisioned here that St Owen will go for the same team and formation that he played at The Emirates. We have said it previously that Tamir Cohen appears to be resting on the laurels of his early season form and that Matty Taylor appears to be settling into the kind of playing attitude that called time on his period at Portsmouth, both of which are reflected by the ratings in the Tory report of the game.

So what of tonights game? Well, the first thing to note is the players that aren't available. The bad news is that Klasnic is still unavailable and Weiss cannot play under the terms of the loan agreement, but this is softened by the news that The Badger is out for a couple of months after suffering an injury in the game at The Emirates, so at least something good came out of the match. With Gary "Gaz" Cahill probably out for the season, against a forward line that can sometimes turn it on with bewildering speed and skill, our new central defensive partnership of Zat Knight and whoever he gets tonight will certainly have their work cut out. Cahill's problem is something that you just cannot guard against and is the first time in my life that I can remember a player being out with a blood clot. Being a clot yes, blood clot no. Some would ask why another central defender wasn't brought in during the window and the answer was because we didn't need one. We need one now, as our third choice central defender is now The Shitt, which should have any Bolton fan reaching for the smelling salts. Makes you wonder what the terms of Nicky Hunt's loan are.
City themselves are missing Craig Bellamy but with Tevez, Adebayor et al it is still akin to the 300 against the Persians, Bolton being the Spartans. Nobody is making out that Cahill is Leonidas, he himself has managed to make some mistakes this year (blame that on who you want) but I would rather have a defence with him in it than without him. The central midfield will have to be solid with a speedy midfielder to launch any counter attack up to our lone striker, and I don't mean the misfiring Swede. This is why I would advocate throwing Wilshere into the midfield from the off as the manager is thinking about. These are the kind of games that make men of young footballers and with Taylor about as fleet of foot as a box of nails he would be the one I would replace. If he doesn't get any game time soon it will seriously piss off Wenger and I can't believe that I am countenancing keeping that grumpy, myopic twat happy.

This weeks comedy moment comes courtesy of the crapwebsite not being able to spell "intention" and making it sound like St Owen was saying something else during his preview to tonight's game....

I've been frustrated for him because the intension was to play him against Liverpool

Tension in the ranks already, but at least it's not the same kind of tension we had during 2009. 75-1 on a 2-0 win tonight. Win that and I'm off to Vega$.

We return tomorrow.

Cahill out for season shocker.

No postings over the weekend due to Mrs X Snr being down from Manchester and no pun today due to the seriousness of the problem that Gary "Gaz" Cahill has. But we all know who to blame don't we?

Normal service resumes tomorrow.

Not Even Good Enough For Tranmere

Amidst all the kerfuffle surrounding Vaz Te not going to Hamilton (well I say kerfuffle, it's not like most people give a toss) we missed an update on....dum dum dum....Fat Mike Watch.

Yes, Fat Mike is looking for his umpteenth club since showing the middle finger to T'Reebok in 2003 after Tranmere dumped his ass mutually terminated his contract. The Wirral Globe says that he "wasn’t able to fit into the hard-running demands placed on the attacking players",which more or less sums up his attitude after the 2001-02 season.

Good luck in finding a new club Mike. Yes, I am lying again.

Right that's it, answer the question. Ou est Ricardo Vaz Te?

In the desert that is the national news about Bolton that normally occurs on a Tuesday and Wednesday when we have no midweek game, except for the times when we are loaning other teams wonderkids or, you know, nicking other teams managers, the only Oasis (geddit), besides Tony Kelly's never entertaining column in the former BEN (this weeks highlight being Fabrice Muamba's inability to score, or as its known at X Towers "the bleeding obvious") was a late transfer story that managed to wriggle it's way from underneath the snorefest. No, it's not Mark Connolly's late loan move to St. Johnstone, as reported here by the BBC, whose lack of info was then ripped apart by our friends at Vital here, but the supposed move of Ricardo Vaz Te to Hamilton Academical. The former BEN reported it, as did The Mirror. But throughout the day cock all appeared about it on either the crap website, which could have been because it is, well, crap, or the Hamilton website. Which led us to ask the above question, as we did twice last year.

Yesterday we mentioned Bambi's name after no new strikers were rushed in due to Kidney's injury and remarked that he may be given a chance, so it seemed a bit strange for the manager to leave us with just two recognised strikers, even if sometimes Bambi doesn't actually appear to be one. And late today the reason became clear. Hamilton is to Bambi as Glasgow is to The Shitt. And in a sense you can see the reasoning behind it. Scotland may not be Anfield, an area that even a scabby rat would turn it's nose up at living in, but it's two redeeming features are the hills and the M74 out of the country. It may not do his career at the Reebok any good but you may just have to nod your head in agreement at his decision. I just hope he likes training with the youth team.

Elsewhere, St Owen unveiled his three signings. And as you will see from the picture of the three of them holding the team shirt up, little Jack has his sleeves pulled up over his hands. Aaaawwwww. Plus, the look on his face seems to suggest that he can wait until he puts the shirt on, although to be fair, that was the look that most of us had when it was unveiled last year.

Until tomorrow, let's all laugh at Wigan.

DEADline day.

No great surprises that nothing else happened in the few days before the transfer window SLAMMED shut, as they love to say on Sky Sports News, except Obadeyi moving to Rochdale on loan and Danny Ward extending his loan at Swindon to the end of the season. However, with the news that Kidneys is out for up to a month there was some musings by the manager early on in the day that he may move for another striker. However, by the evening he had resisted the temptation.

This is a blow for T'Wanderers, leaving us with only SuperKev and the misfiring Swede as options, unless you include Bambi Vaz Te. As we all know, Big Ivan has come through a lot in his career (current record of being reminded of this by a commentator being held by Martin Tyler in the home game against Arsenal at 3:32 into the game) and you would expect the only thing to take him down would be a cannon ball to the gut, a snipers shot to the cranium from the Lofthouse Upper or a punch in the back from the Dad of the Year. An ankle injury seems just a little tame to be the reason for his absence from the team and I fully expect that the story will soon surface that he has gone off to Vietnam to get the last prisoners out.

Is not bringing anyone else in a mistake? Well, it says that he is out "for up to a month" which could mean a couple of weeks or the month. In my opinion there is no need for a knee jerk reaction, especially if you bring someone in for the rest of the season and they find themselves fourth choice after two games. That would be a waste of money. (Speaking of which, it would appear that Scotland was too cold after Angola for The Shitt and he will see out the rest of the season in the reserves. Welcome back Danny. Yes, I am lying.) The last time we did something like that we brought in the god that is Grzegorz Rasiak, which turned out well. These are the decisions that managers stand and fall on and it is better bringing no one in than someone who could take three weeks to fit in.

In other news, we are still waiting for the crap website to put anything up about the fans forum on Thursday, for those of us who, y'know, don't live in the north west, although by all accounts it went very well. Nice to see the former manager getting roundly booed and confirmation, if any were needed, that he had been invited to a forum but had declined. Well, it's never nice to be pelted with tomatoes and rotten cabbage, which is what would have been coming out of his mouth.

So another day passes. I will see you tomorrow and leave you with this thought. Just what the hell is this doing on the Bolton Wanderers page of the former BEN even if the suspect looks suspiciously like Stuart Holden?