The pain of White Hart Lane

To White Hart Lane tonight, the most inaccessible of all Premier League grounds in London. While The Arse, Chelski and T'Hammers all have a tube station nearby (The Arse even having one named after them), T'Spuds have a ground about eight miles away from Seven Sisters tube station, meaning a manic sprint through the mean streets of Haringey. Yes, I know there's a train station nearby, but do you fancy queueing up for an hour for an intermittent train service with five thousand bitter cockneys? No, me neither.

Now, if there is one thing constant in the universe, it is Spud fans thinking that any game against anybody who does not have their "history" should be a walk over. One, two and, yes, three Spud blogs were found to be under the impression that all they need to do tonight is turn up with six players and a 7-0 victory will be theirs. And how did I find these blogs? I just typed the words "Spurs" and "Twat" into Google and chose from the 50,000 articles readily available. (Before anybody tries it, Bolton Wanderers Twat gets 6,000) That's the problem with Spurs fans; too much time expecting the impossible. Their going on my list.

Anyway, for tonights game we have already mentioned that St Owen will be shuffling the pack. Unfortunately, it was only when we re read yesterday's posting that we realised that we had more or less put the first team down, so here, for your delectation, is our own reshuffled team.

Big Al --- AOB, Zat, Jlloyd, Not Mike ---- The Yank, Matty, Tamir, Samantha (Muamba. Samantha Muamba. No?) -- Kidneys/SuperKev, The Misfiring Swede

Speaking of this team, which he secretly faxed to us this morning, St Owen says:

The players who will play are certainly good players and worthy of a shirt.

I think he means one of the away tops that they'll be wearing tonight, not a general shirt from Next that looks nice now but in six months will be falling apart. (Next. They're going on my list as well.) Actually, thinking about it, would you wish the away shirt on anybody, especially as the last two times it was worn it brought two quite insipid displays?

The manager has also, again, backed the misfiring Swede, likening him to Pavulydunno at The Spuds, especially as the Russian scored two goals at Wigan on Sunday. It won't have escaped your attention that four days earlier Elmander didn't even get two shots on target at the same ground. Of our record signing he thinks that as soon as one goes in he will be off and running but we've already had four of those false dawns this season and it is a no brainer that as soon as Kidneys gets back to full fitness it will be the old tin tack and back onto the bench for Johan, probably for the last time. He is just not an out and out goalscorer and for all his workrate that is what he was brought in for. Enough ink has been wasted on why he was a bad buy, through no fault of his.

So, I've got my ticket and me and the other twenty fans will be singing tonight in the upper echelons of the ground. Much has been made on 606 of the fact that ITV isn't screening the game, preferring instead to show Chelski for God's sake. This then turned into another aren't your fans crap diatribe from someone who doesn't know. Of our fans I will say this; some are good, some are bad, some go all the time, some don't. I don't. I live in London. I go to away games. I'm going tonight. The game is two hundred miles and at least five hours away, on a school night. I'm surprised we got two hundred. Doesn't make Bolton fans any more fervent that any other team's fans, just more financially prudent. Look where blowing money got Portsmouth. But that is an arguement for another day. Probably tomorrow, after we win.

Until tomorrow, I don't do requests.